Online Dating Motto: More Pearls, Fewer Swine

If you're in the world of online dating, you probably are familiar with the combination of fear and excitement that most singles report. Fear is a normal reaction: It's scary to open yourself up to judgment and possible rejection. Excitement comes from the enormous possibilities presented by Internet dating: You could very well realize your sweetheart dreams.
But first, the hundreds and thousands of possible mates have to be sorted through -- by you! How ever are you going to find your "pearl," that special gem of a sweetie to spend the rest of your life with?
Be careful with chemistry experiments
Many singles resort to that elusive phenomenon "chemistry" to help them wade through the candidates. While
having chemistry with another person certainly intensifies the desire to connect meaningfully
having chemistry with another person certainly intensifies the desire to connect meaningfully, most of us have excellent examples of horribly failed chemical experiments.
The trouble is, while chemistry and physical attraction are a great formula for continuing the human species, they're not so great a recipe for producing long-term, committed relationships. Mother Nature has programmed men to want to have sex with as many women as possible -- not a good factor for monogamy, and disastrous for pearl finding.
And think about it: If "chemistry" was designed to get us to reproduce, then it works most efficiently for folks under 40.
Very large numbers of us are now pairing after 40
Very large numbers of us are now pairing after 40, when our needs and desires get disconnected from reproduction. We live longer now, much longer. Efficient pairing through "chemistry" may not be the best method for many singles these days.
Five steps to finding your pearl
Here are five suggestions for improving your chances of finding your gem of a sweetheart:
Get crystal clear about what you want. In the very first chapter of my book for singles, "Find a Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women," I help readers imagine and describe how they want their lives to be WITH a partner.
Paint a word and actual picture of your dream and sear it in your brain. Write your description of your future life with your sweetheart and post it where you can see it every day. "Paint" a picture, too, with your own drawings, paint and/or pictures that you cut and paste. The more real you can make your dream, the better. Keep your "love picture" out and see-able, too.
When you know what you want, figure out what you don't want as well. Yahoo! Personals Premier Relationship Test can help you sort out what you want and what you don't want. Print your responses as you go through the exercise so you know what you stated -- you'll be able to see if your preferences change over time.
Then go about your life. Do not stop any efforts to meet new people -- scanning Yahoo! Personals, going to singles events, etc. -- but now, let your pictures guide you. The closer a potential partner comes to what you want, the more clearly he or she will "pop out" at you. All you have to do is be ready. (The "Can't Stands" will pop out too, which comes in very handy for saying a quick "No thanks.")
When you notice a likely candidate, pull out your "Must Have, Can't Stand" list and see how this sweetie checks out. If the "Must Haves" are there and the "Can't Stands" aren't, this potential sweetheart deserves serious "Pearl" consideration. If there is chemistry, so much the better.
Here's the deal: If you are looking for pearls, that's what you are likely to find. And you will see the "Not Pearls" (swine?) just as clearly. Just keep walking and focusing on "pearls." You'll find them.