Ah, the first date -- you've been primping and plucking, and it's finally show time. After all that work you don't want to send them running for the hills because of something thoughtless you did at the table or in the car. Here are eight key guidelines on what to avoid...
"I Don't Valet" Sure, some people don't like to leave their cars in the hands of a valet. We get that. But if you've driven around the block more than three times and you're prepared to go an additional five until you find street parking (even if the spot is blocks away), quit while you're ahead. Avoiding the valet makes you look cheap and that's not a good look, especially on a first date.
Nix Your Ex Never go on about any of your exes. Obsessing over them makes you look insecure. And when's the last time someone found that attractive in a prospective mate? If you're still bruised over an ex or simply enjoy discussing old flames, spout off to a friend or family member -- anyone, but not that cutie who just asked you out for Friday night!
Texting... or answering your mobile phone for social purposes are big no-no's on a date. And please don't try to be sneaky or "polite" by attempting to text under the table. It's obnoxious. Ask yourself if you like the person you're with enough to leave your phone for a couple hours. If you still can't resist, go to the bathroom.
Don't Be Nosey No blowing your schnoz at the table. And you might think this goes without saying, but it doesn't: the same goes for picking your teeth. People do the most absent-minded and unattractive things on dates, so step it up a little bit. If you desperately need to take some hygienic action, simply excuse yourself and go to town some place else, just not at the table.
Play Nice Being rude to the wait staff is a major turn off. And please lay off of the snapping when you need your waiter's attention. It's always best to keep your cool -- nothing's more attractive than that.
Pass On The Pricey Stuff Ordering the 3 lb. lobster and filet dinner or the homemade pasta with a mound of freshly shaved white truffles is obnoxious no matter who's paying. Don't go for the gold. Show a little class by sticking with the moderately priced ticket items.
Booze It ‘Til You Lose It Just one drink too many and you may find yourself saying and doing things that make all of the above look like afternoon charm school. And even if you don't go crazy, you might do some over-sharing that you'll regret in the morning. So, never go overboard on alcohol -- it's a safety issue as well as an etiquette one.
Ditch The Dutch We may sound old-fashioned but when a guy asks a girl out, there's only one way to go on a first date when the bill arrives -- the guy pays. No matter how many times the woman offers to chip in, the answer is "thank you, but no." It's just the thing to do to make her feel special. And be clear. Wavering can be just as bad as accepting her money.
Friday, November 21, 2008
5 Reasons Why You Guys Are Still Single
Do you find yourself wondering why most of your buddies have steady dates, yet you can barely secure a first date, let alone a second (and, playing a regular game of Mahjong and Canasta with your grandparents and their friends doesn't count)? Guys, if so, it's time to ask yourself a few Foxy questions...
Do you... have a problem with eye contact? Even if you love everything about this other person, it won't matter, if you can't take your eyes off their body parts. They'll likely think you're out for one thing, or that you're just kind of creepy. Sure, they might be wearing something revealing, but that's no excuse to stare all night long. Get a grip and get comfortable with eye contact, which creates a much better bond.
Do you... eat like a caveman? Utensils are there for a reason -- so you can eat like a gentleman. Shoveling food into your mouth is not something you should subject your date to. Same goes for talking while chewing. Not only is it unpleasant to watch at a time when your job is to be easy on the eyes, it's a red flag that says you're a little short on self-awareness -- an important characteristic in a mate.
Do you... trim your toenails? Not that your date will necessarily see your toenails right away, but when they do end up eyeballing them, unkept toenails are a guaranteed huge turnoff. It means you don't take care of yourself, and valuing yourself is an important part of a healthy relationship. Plus, let's not forget the damage they can do to the other person's leg when you're snuggling up on the sofa watching movies.
Do you... order "everything on the side" at a restaurant? In other words, do you order like a girl? Please don't. Because if your date has to be tortured by, "I'll have the Cobb salad, but no cheese, avocado, or bacon, and dressing on the side, and the pasta, but no oil please, and extra light on the pinenuts," they may be forced to hide under the table or at least wonder what kind of demanding partner you could be. If you have dietary restrictions, do your best, just don't get into what will happen to your belly if you don't follow them.
Do you... assume you're going to strike out? The Secret said it once but we'll say it again: In a lot of ways, you manifest your own destiny. So, if you have lots of thoughts about being unlucky in love, you may be pushing people away in ways you may not even know. If you assume the worst of the world and yourself, spend a few minutes before your date making a mental list of why you're looking for a relationship and why you are an incredible a catch.
Do you... have a problem with eye contact? Even if you love everything about this other person, it won't matter, if you can't take your eyes off their body parts. They'll likely think you're out for one thing, or that you're just kind of creepy. Sure, they might be wearing something revealing, but that's no excuse to stare all night long. Get a grip and get comfortable with eye contact, which creates a much better bond.
Do you... eat like a caveman? Utensils are there for a reason -- so you can eat like a gentleman. Shoveling food into your mouth is not something you should subject your date to. Same goes for talking while chewing. Not only is it unpleasant to watch at a time when your job is to be easy on the eyes, it's a red flag that says you're a little short on self-awareness -- an important characteristic in a mate.
Do you... trim your toenails? Not that your date will necessarily see your toenails right away, but when they do end up eyeballing them, unkept toenails are a guaranteed huge turnoff. It means you don't take care of yourself, and valuing yourself is an important part of a healthy relationship. Plus, let's not forget the damage they can do to the other person's leg when you're snuggling up on the sofa watching movies.
Do you... order "everything on the side" at a restaurant? In other words, do you order like a girl? Please don't. Because if your date has to be tortured by, "I'll have the Cobb salad, but no cheese, avocado, or bacon, and dressing on the side, and the pasta, but no oil please, and extra light on the pinenuts," they may be forced to hide under the table or at least wonder what kind of demanding partner you could be. If you have dietary restrictions, do your best, just don't get into what will happen to your belly if you don't follow them.
Do you... assume you're going to strike out? The Secret said it once but we'll say it again: In a lot of ways, you manifest your own destiny. So, if you have lots of thoughts about being unlucky in love, you may be pushing people away in ways you may not even know. If you assume the worst of the world and yourself, spend a few minutes before your date making a mental list of why you're looking for a relationship and why you are an incredible a catch.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Burlington, Vt., is healthiest city, CDC says
What's the healthiest city in America? It appears to be Burlington, Vt.
Vermont's largest city is tops among U.S. metropolitan areas by having the largest proportion of people — 92 percent — who say they are in good or great health.
It's also among the best in exercise and among the lowest in obesity, diabetes and other measures of ill health, according to a recent report from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
This New England city of 40,000, on the shores of Lake Champlain, is in some ways similar to the unhealthiest city — Huntington, W.Va. Both are out-of-the-way college towns with populations that are overwhelmingly white people of English, German or Irish ancestry.
But there the similarities end:
_Burlington is younger, with an average age of 37, compared to 40 in Huntington, according to the Census Bureau.
_Burlington is better off financially, with 8 percent living at the federal poverty level, compared to 19 percent in Huntington.
_It's much more educated, with nearly 40 percent of area residents having at least a college bachelor's degree. Only 15 percent in the Huntington area do.
The cultures are significantly different, too. Bicycling, hiking, skiing and other exercises are common in Burlington. Neighborhood groups commonly focus on improving parks, working in community gardens and repairing and improving sidewalks.
"There's this norm of a lot of activity," said Chris Finley, Vermont's deputy health commissioner, who works in Burlington.
And though college staples like pizza are common, healthier foods are also popular. Grass-fed beef is offered in finer restaurants, vegan options are plentiful, and the lone downtown supermarket is run by a co-op successful in selling bulk rice and other healthy choices to low-income residents.
Burlington is helped by the presence of IBM and other employers offering more generous health benefits and corporate wellness programs than companies in Huntington, some experts suggested.
Vermont's largest city is tops among U.S. metropolitan areas by having the largest proportion of people — 92 percent — who say they are in good or great health.
It's also among the best in exercise and among the lowest in obesity, diabetes and other measures of ill health, according to a recent report from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
This New England city of 40,000, on the shores of Lake Champlain, is in some ways similar to the unhealthiest city — Huntington, W.Va. Both are out-of-the-way college towns with populations that are overwhelmingly white people of English, German or Irish ancestry.
But there the similarities end:
_Burlington is younger, with an average age of 37, compared to 40 in Huntington, according to the Census Bureau.
_Burlington is better off financially, with 8 percent living at the federal poverty level, compared to 19 percent in Huntington.
_It's much more educated, with nearly 40 percent of area residents having at least a college bachelor's degree. Only 15 percent in the Huntington area do.
The cultures are significantly different, too. Bicycling, hiking, skiing and other exercises are common in Burlington. Neighborhood groups commonly focus on improving parks, working in community gardens and repairing and improving sidewalks.
"There's this norm of a lot of activity," said Chris Finley, Vermont's deputy health commissioner, who works in Burlington.
And though college staples like pizza are common, healthier foods are also popular. Grass-fed beef is offered in finer restaurants, vegan options are plentiful, and the lone downtown supermarket is run by a co-op successful in selling bulk rice and other healthy choices to low-income residents.
Burlington is helped by the presence of IBM and other employers offering more generous health benefits and corporate wellness programs than companies in Huntington, some experts suggested.
Friday, November 14, 2008
8 Reasons Why Online Dating Is Not For You
Not everyone can -- or should -- fight fires, race cars, paint portraits, or sing karaoke publicly. It's fine; we're all different, and as Jane Austen said, "One half of the world cannot understand the pleasure of the other." Online dating is no different.
Maybe all the cool kids are doing it; maybe even I found my boyfriend online; maybe your friends are urging you to take cursor in hand and dip into the digital dating pool. But maybe online dating -- like spelunking or macrame or the forestry service -- just isn't for you.
In case you're on the fence, here is a little guide to help you decide.
Eight reasons why online dating may not be for you:
You don't believe in it. Online dating is not like leprechauns or unicorns: it exists. On the other hand, online dating isn't like buildings or blenders or other quotidian objects either, for without your belief in it, it simply won't work. You can't dive into the virtual dating pool half- heartedly. You need, like a firewalker, to suspend all disbelief and let your faith carry you across those moments when it feels like you won't make it to the other side. Commit to online dating with the unshakable fervor of a zealot and miracles can happen.
You think online dating is only for losers.
Nothing is only for losers
Nothing is only for losers -- nothing, that is, except for not trying. Even winners sometimes stay at home, pop a frozen entree in the microwave and get weepy while watching a Lifetime movie on television. It's an adage worn bare with overuse, but it remains true: the only way to lose is never to try. There is a wide, wide world of people looking to date online. They come in all shapes, sizes, nationalities, sexual orientations and hairstyles. At least one of them will be perfect for a winner like you.
You can't be bothered to actually search. Thinking that if you just sit along the walls of the online dance someone will spot you and pick you out of the crowd is an unfair -- and short-sighted -- expectation to hold. Sure, it's nice to have your profile plucked like a happy puppy from the litter, but you can't rely on it to happen. You took it upon yourself to find your job; you looked when you rented your apartment or bought your home; you searched when you purchased your car; you need to ask why you're sitting back and waiting for your mate to come to you. Get out and look; the view can be spectacular.
You won't post a picture. Profiles with pictures are more than twice as likely to receive attention than profiles without pictures. When you opt against showing your pretty face, you are effectively removing yourself from high visibility. Sure, putting your picture online can feel very naked. It can make you wonder who's looking at it and why. It can raise a host of insecurities. It can feel extraordinarily off-putting. It can also get you dates. If you want people to notice you, you have to be where they can see you. Hiding in the dark won't help. Put your chin up, find a flattering photo and hit "submit."
You can't find it in you to care about your profile.
Your profile, even more than your picture, is you in digitized form
Your profile, even more than your picture, is you in digitized form. You need to think of that profile like a little garden, and you need to tend it, which means not merely writing the itemgraph about yourself, but editing it, changing it, updating it, reconsidering it and revising it. Think of your profile as an advertisement for you, and make sure it's fresh, interesting and spellchecked.
You don't "do" email. The email box attached to your dating profile is like your lottery ticket: you can win big, but if you don't check the numbers, you'll never know. You need to check your email every day, at least once a day. And then, you need to read those emails carefully, and you need to read the profiles of the prospective daters critically. Look for words and phrases that ring with you; look too for those that don't. Spend time considering the person who has reached out to you, and then spend time considering your response, whether it's positive or negative.
Your mind is closed. Think of your mind as an oyster: open, it's a beautiful thing, full of possibility and exotic pleasures. Closed, it's just a stony shell. If you go into dating with the preconceived notion that you can only partner within a very limited pool of people, you are dooming yourself to a very hard time. While it's good to have some idea of who and what you like, screening out everyone who doesn't fit a narrow description of what you want precludes the possibility that you will find you like someone you never considered previously. Widen the vista. Consider people older and younger than your original ideal. Consider people taller, shorter, thinner, heavier, darker, lighter and balder than what you thought you might like. You never know. You probably didn't like oysters the first time you tasted them either.
You won't make actual contact. The whole point of this endeavor is to eventually, when you're ready, meet this shiny new person in the flesh. One sure way to fail at online dating is to stop short of breathing the same air as this fresh new human. On the other hand, should you want to succeed, should you want all of your work and hope to come to fruition, take the risk and get a cup of coffee with that other hopeful, hardworking and risk-taking human. You never know what you will find until you meet face to face.
Maybe all the cool kids are doing it; maybe even I found my boyfriend online; maybe your friends are urging you to take cursor in hand and dip into the digital dating pool. But maybe online dating -- like spelunking or macrame or the forestry service -- just isn't for you.
In case you're on the fence, here is a little guide to help you decide.
Eight reasons why online dating may not be for you:
You don't believe in it. Online dating is not like leprechauns or unicorns: it exists. On the other hand, online dating isn't like buildings or blenders or other quotidian objects either, for without your belief in it, it simply won't work. You can't dive into the virtual dating pool half- heartedly. You need, like a firewalker, to suspend all disbelief and let your faith carry you across those moments when it feels like you won't make it to the other side. Commit to online dating with the unshakable fervor of a zealot and miracles can happen.
You think online dating is only for losers.
Nothing is only for losers
Nothing is only for losers -- nothing, that is, except for not trying. Even winners sometimes stay at home, pop a frozen entree in the microwave and get weepy while watching a Lifetime movie on television. It's an adage worn bare with overuse, but it remains true: the only way to lose is never to try. There is a wide, wide world of people looking to date online. They come in all shapes, sizes, nationalities, sexual orientations and hairstyles. At least one of them will be perfect for a winner like you.
You can't be bothered to actually search. Thinking that if you just sit along the walls of the online dance someone will spot you and pick you out of the crowd is an unfair -- and short-sighted -- expectation to hold. Sure, it's nice to have your profile plucked like a happy puppy from the litter, but you can't rely on it to happen. You took it upon yourself to find your job; you looked when you rented your apartment or bought your home; you searched when you purchased your car; you need to ask why you're sitting back and waiting for your mate to come to you. Get out and look; the view can be spectacular.
You won't post a picture. Profiles with pictures are more than twice as likely to receive attention than profiles without pictures. When you opt against showing your pretty face, you are effectively removing yourself from high visibility. Sure, putting your picture online can feel very naked. It can make you wonder who's looking at it and why. It can raise a host of insecurities. It can feel extraordinarily off-putting. It can also get you dates. If you want people to notice you, you have to be where they can see you. Hiding in the dark won't help. Put your chin up, find a flattering photo and hit "submit."
You can't find it in you to care about your profile.
Your profile, even more than your picture, is you in digitized form
Your profile, even more than your picture, is you in digitized form. You need to think of that profile like a little garden, and you need to tend it, which means not merely writing the itemgraph about yourself, but editing it, changing it, updating it, reconsidering it and revising it. Think of your profile as an advertisement for you, and make sure it's fresh, interesting and spellchecked.
You don't "do" email. The email box attached to your dating profile is like your lottery ticket: you can win big, but if you don't check the numbers, you'll never know. You need to check your email every day, at least once a day. And then, you need to read those emails carefully, and you need to read the profiles of the prospective daters critically. Look for words and phrases that ring with you; look too for those that don't. Spend time considering the person who has reached out to you, and then spend time considering your response, whether it's positive or negative.
Your mind is closed. Think of your mind as an oyster: open, it's a beautiful thing, full of possibility and exotic pleasures. Closed, it's just a stony shell. If you go into dating with the preconceived notion that you can only partner within a very limited pool of people, you are dooming yourself to a very hard time. While it's good to have some idea of who and what you like, screening out everyone who doesn't fit a narrow description of what you want precludes the possibility that you will find you like someone you never considered previously. Widen the vista. Consider people older and younger than your original ideal. Consider people taller, shorter, thinner, heavier, darker, lighter and balder than what you thought you might like. You never know. You probably didn't like oysters the first time you tasted them either.
You won't make actual contact. The whole point of this endeavor is to eventually, when you're ready, meet this shiny new person in the flesh. One sure way to fail at online dating is to stop short of breathing the same air as this fresh new human. On the other hand, should you want to succeed, should you want all of your work and hope to come to fruition, take the risk and get a cup of coffee with that other hopeful, hardworking and risk-taking human. You never know what you will find until you meet face to face.
6 Tips to Create a Better Online Dating Profile
Over 10 years, I've been coaching people in all facets of dating. This includes coaching people in how to date online.
What I've learned and realized about online dating is that to be truly successful, it's essential to be able to create an amazing profile. Most men have no idea how to make a good profile (a profile that grabs a woman's attention). A guy often writes from a guy's point of view. So the profile does nothing to convince her to contact him.
You need to bring your dynamic personality into your online profile. Instead of just writing "I'm an accountant and I love what I do," be more dynamic and say something like "I have always loved crunching numbers, but I do it creatively so no one gets in trouble with the IRS."
When writing your profile, think about everything you're writing like a conversation. If the "conversation" you're writing would be interesting in person, then you've done a good job of profile writing. If not... then you need to keep re-writing your profile.
With that in mind, here are my six essential keys to building a winning profile:
1. Your profile must create emotions. Instead of writing "I love to travel and see new places," try writing it this way: "Traveling is my passion. Whenever I take a trip to another country, I learn something new about myself and I appreciate my life even more. When I was in Thailand checking out the Buddhist temples, I was able to not only see history but feel history." What this does to a woman reading this profile, is create an emotional attachment.
When you write about your love of travel as a story, she can picture visiting Thailand or traveling with you. If you just describe something by putting it in a list, you're not going to create an emotional attachment for her. Women are emotional beings, and they are the ones who will be reading your profile. So
learn to create stories when describing your passions
learn to create stories when describing your passions.
2. Don't say in your profile that "My friends say I'm a wonderful person." I've seen men do that countless times. You don't let women know you're great by telling them that your friends think you're great. This doesn't tell a woman anything. She doesn't know who your friends are, so you are better to talk about things you love to do.
For instance, a client of mine volunteers at a homeless shelter once a week. So in his profile he wrote "Saturday is my favorite day of the week. I volunteer at the local homeless shelter, and spend three hours helping others feel better about themselves." Something like this shows a woman what type of person you are... and that is what she wants to see.
3. Don't tell women in your profile that you're funny -- show them why you're funny. Women are attracted to humor. So get a woman to laugh when she reads your profile, because your profile should get her to feel like she's flirting with you in her head.
4. Never say in your online profile how successful you are. Women hate men who brag about themselves. It actually turns them off. They are, however, extremely attracted to very confident men. So instead of bragging about yourself, say something like this: "I've worked really hard in my life to become who I am. Every time I've fallen down, I've dusted myself off, checked out my wounds, gotten up, and tried again. Being successful to me means having the freedom to do what I want... which of course is having time to hang out with you." By saying something like that, you're telling a woman that you're successful but humble. You're also throwing a little bit of humor in there which also helps.
5. As for photos on your profile, they must be clear, up close, and recent. Women need to see your eyes, so it's really important that you are not wearing sunglasses in most (if not all) of your photos. It's also essential that you choose pictures that show your face and your body, so women can see what you look like overall.
Your pictures are part of what makes -- or can ruin -- a good profile. Your pictures should also help to create a feeling of emotion inside a woman. Don't put up pictures on your profile of you and your buddies drinking. Put up pictures that show that you have interests in many activities other than alcohol consumption. A woman wants to know you are fun and social, but she also wants to be able to picture having a good time with you. Choosing a picture of you biking in Italy, therefore, meets this desire. So look through all your pictures and select ones that will paint a picture of who you are as a person. This includes putting up photos of you in different life situations.
For instance, you may put up one picture of you in business attire, one picture of you in play mode, and one picture of you with your dog. Also, try to include clear photos that show you participating in your favorite activities, such as hiking, biking, or playing tennis.
Your pictures should show women all the different sides of you, and the pictures of you that you put up on your profile should represent who you are at this stage in your life. So what I suggest is that you have a friend of yours take some new photos of you. If you write a fantastic profile, but your pictures don't match, a woman will be disappointed when she meets you.
6. Be honest in your profile! Many men will massage the truth in their profile. The major problem that occurs when men are less than honest occurs after you've gone out on a date with a woman. She will go back after the date and re-read your profile to see if there are any discrepancies. It's almost like she is looking to see if you're as real as you appear to be. So make sure everything you write in your profile is totally representative of who you are right now in your life.
Your profile is designed to help women form an opinion about you. Written correctly, your profile will entice her to contact you immediately. Women re-read profiles over and over again because they want to get to know who you are and they want to get excited about meeting you. The more you put in your profile that expresses your personality, the easier it is for a woman to decide to email you because she'll have a better idea of what to talk about with you.
Online dating is very competitive. In order to stand out amongst the sea of men who are Online, you need to invest the time necessary to create a great profile.
What I've learned and realized about online dating is that to be truly successful, it's essential to be able to create an amazing profile. Most men have no idea how to make a good profile (a profile that grabs a woman's attention). A guy often writes from a guy's point of view. So the profile does nothing to convince her to contact him.
You need to bring your dynamic personality into your online profile. Instead of just writing "I'm an accountant and I love what I do," be more dynamic and say something like "I have always loved crunching numbers, but I do it creatively so no one gets in trouble with the IRS."
When writing your profile, think about everything you're writing like a conversation. If the "conversation" you're writing would be interesting in person, then you've done a good job of profile writing. If not... then you need to keep re-writing your profile.
With that in mind, here are my six essential keys to building a winning profile:
1. Your profile must create emotions. Instead of writing "I love to travel and see new places," try writing it this way: "Traveling is my passion. Whenever I take a trip to another country, I learn something new about myself and I appreciate my life even more. When I was in Thailand checking out the Buddhist temples, I was able to not only see history but feel history." What this does to a woman reading this profile, is create an emotional attachment.
When you write about your love of travel as a story, she can picture visiting Thailand or traveling with you. If you just describe something by putting it in a list, you're not going to create an emotional attachment for her. Women are emotional beings, and they are the ones who will be reading your profile. So
learn to create stories when describing your passions
learn to create stories when describing your passions.
2. Don't say in your profile that "My friends say I'm a wonderful person." I've seen men do that countless times. You don't let women know you're great by telling them that your friends think you're great. This doesn't tell a woman anything. She doesn't know who your friends are, so you are better to talk about things you love to do.
For instance, a client of mine volunteers at a homeless shelter once a week. So in his profile he wrote "Saturday is my favorite day of the week. I volunteer at the local homeless shelter, and spend three hours helping others feel better about themselves." Something like this shows a woman what type of person you are... and that is what she wants to see.
3. Don't tell women in your profile that you're funny -- show them why you're funny. Women are attracted to humor. So get a woman to laugh when she reads your profile, because your profile should get her to feel like she's flirting with you in her head.
4. Never say in your online profile how successful you are. Women hate men who brag about themselves. It actually turns them off. They are, however, extremely attracted to very confident men. So instead of bragging about yourself, say something like this: "I've worked really hard in my life to become who I am. Every time I've fallen down, I've dusted myself off, checked out my wounds, gotten up, and tried again. Being successful to me means having the freedom to do what I want... which of course is having time to hang out with you." By saying something like that, you're telling a woman that you're successful but humble. You're also throwing a little bit of humor in there which also helps.
5. As for photos on your profile, they must be clear, up close, and recent. Women need to see your eyes, so it's really important that you are not wearing sunglasses in most (if not all) of your photos. It's also essential that you choose pictures that show your face and your body, so women can see what you look like overall.
Your pictures are part of what makes -- or can ruin -- a good profile. Your pictures should also help to create a feeling of emotion inside a woman. Don't put up pictures on your profile of you and your buddies drinking. Put up pictures that show that you have interests in many activities other than alcohol consumption. A woman wants to know you are fun and social, but she also wants to be able to picture having a good time with you. Choosing a picture of you biking in Italy, therefore, meets this desire. So look through all your pictures and select ones that will paint a picture of who you are as a person. This includes putting up photos of you in different life situations.
For instance, you may put up one picture of you in business attire, one picture of you in play mode, and one picture of you with your dog. Also, try to include clear photos that show you participating in your favorite activities, such as hiking, biking, or playing tennis.
Your pictures should show women all the different sides of you, and the pictures of you that you put up on your profile should represent who you are at this stage in your life. So what I suggest is that you have a friend of yours take some new photos of you. If you write a fantastic profile, but your pictures don't match, a woman will be disappointed when she meets you.
6. Be honest in your profile! Many men will massage the truth in their profile. The major problem that occurs when men are less than honest occurs after you've gone out on a date with a woman. She will go back after the date and re-read your profile to see if there are any discrepancies. It's almost like she is looking to see if you're as real as you appear to be. So make sure everything you write in your profile is totally representative of who you are right now in your life.
Your profile is designed to help women form an opinion about you. Written correctly, your profile will entice her to contact you immediately. Women re-read profiles over and over again because they want to get to know who you are and they want to get excited about meeting you. The more you put in your profile that expresses your personality, the easier it is for a woman to decide to email you because she'll have a better idea of what to talk about with you.
Online dating is very competitive. In order to stand out amongst the sea of men who are Online, you need to invest the time necessary to create a great profile.
Why Proactive Dating Works
If you are like most of my romance clients, you wish that love would "just happen." Men as well as women cringe at the mere thought of taking action that might make finding love more likely.
It's understandable that women are reluctant to make the first move. After all, most of us over 40 were taught to sit and wait. We kind of like being pursued. It's safe. And then there are books like "The Rules" that dictate old-fashioned female passivity for new-age women.
But men? That's right, ladies, they are as scared as we are. Maybe more.
Perhaps love will "just happen" for some of these people who are "just waiting." After all, each of them has indeed done SOMETHING: They have posted a profile. They've made a semi-public statement that they are single and looking.
Maybe, just maybe, Mr. or Ms. Right will see it, be in the 65-75 percent who will actually make the first move, and decide to get in touch.
But what happens if both parties are in the percentages who never make the first move? Nothing! Talk about two ships that pass in the night...
Why proactive is better than waiting
Here's what proactive dating -- doing your own picking and emailing first -- will do for you:
You'll get clearer about what you are looking for, and better able to recognize it when you find it.
Once you get over the shock of making the first move, you'll feel so much better.
Action is empowering. Sitting and waiting is hard. Ask any wallflower at a junior high school dance.
Since you are doing the looking and picking, the chances are much better that you will find just what you want, rather than having to make do with whoever gets in touch with you.
Women: Men LIKE it if you contact them first. I have never had one of my male clients not feel touched and appreciative when a woman emails them first. "The Rules" be darned. (I emailed my now-husband first. He liked it.)
Men: Women like you to get in touch first, too, of course. But we know how hard that can be. No one likes to hear "no."
Internet dating has revolutionized how we think about rejection, though. You can read more of what I have to say about rejection in my Yahoo! Personals article "Your Recipe for Rejection Prevention."
How to make the first move
Pick a list of favorites, at least 5 or 6, and contact them all at once.
Do not let yourself get too focused on any one person before you hear back and get some sense of their interest and availability.
Be prepared for a high non-response rate. No response is very common. If 30 percent of your contacts reply, you are doing very well.
While you are waiting for the first group you contacted to respond, look around again and get five or six more prospects ready to go. Do not wait more than a week -- start sending out more first emails to your new list.
Remember that "no" or "no response" is not about you. It can't be. These folks don't know you at all. A "no" is about their non-availability. Do not let your imagination run wild and make a "no" harder than it needs to be.
Got the message?
Do something! Get ready. My book "Find a Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women" will help you take more steps. Your first step is to post a great profile -- I can help. Then, start looking and sending those first emails.
What have you got to lose? For that matter, think what you might lose if you don't.
It's understandable that women are reluctant to make the first move. After all, most of us over 40 were taught to sit and wait. We kind of like being pursued. It's safe. And then there are books like "The Rules" that dictate old-fashioned female passivity for new-age women.
But men? That's right, ladies, they are as scared as we are. Maybe more.
Perhaps love will "just happen" for some of these people who are "just waiting." After all, each of them has indeed done SOMETHING: They have posted a profile. They've made a semi-public statement that they are single and looking.
Maybe, just maybe, Mr. or Ms. Right will see it, be in the 65-75 percent who will actually make the first move, and decide to get in touch.
But what happens if both parties are in the percentages who never make the first move? Nothing! Talk about two ships that pass in the night...
Why proactive is better than waiting
Here's what proactive dating -- doing your own picking and emailing first -- will do for you:
You'll get clearer about what you are looking for, and better able to recognize it when you find it.
Once you get over the shock of making the first move, you'll feel so much better.
Action is empowering. Sitting and waiting is hard. Ask any wallflower at a junior high school dance.
Since you are doing the looking and picking, the chances are much better that you will find just what you want, rather than having to make do with whoever gets in touch with you.
Women: Men LIKE it if you contact them first. I have never had one of my male clients not feel touched and appreciative when a woman emails them first. "The Rules" be darned. (I emailed my now-husband first. He liked it.)
Men: Women like you to get in touch first, too, of course. But we know how hard that can be. No one likes to hear "no."
Internet dating has revolutionized how we think about rejection, though. You can read more of what I have to say about rejection in my Yahoo! Personals article "Your Recipe for Rejection Prevention."
How to make the first move
Pick a list of favorites, at least 5 or 6, and contact them all at once.
Do not let yourself get too focused on any one person before you hear back and get some sense of their interest and availability.
Be prepared for a high non-response rate. No response is very common. If 30 percent of your contacts reply, you are doing very well.
While you are waiting for the first group you contacted to respond, look around again and get five or six more prospects ready to go. Do not wait more than a week -- start sending out more first emails to your new list.
Remember that "no" or "no response" is not about you. It can't be. These folks don't know you at all. A "no" is about their non-availability. Do not let your imagination run wild and make a "no" harder than it needs to be.
Got the message?
Do something! Get ready. My book "Find a Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women" will help you take more steps. Your first step is to post a great profile -- I can help. Then, start looking and sending those first emails.
What have you got to lose? For that matter, think what you might lose if you don't.
Quick-Start Guide to Online Dating
It's a good idea to take precautions when meeting people through online dating, just as you would do in the offline world. The following tips are just some of the things you might want to consider as you begin online dating. These tips are not designed to scare you, but to encourage you to be smart, use common sense, play it safe, and have fun as you get started with online dating.
Online conversations
Remain anonymous. Never give out your real name, phone number, or address in chat rooms or in your profile. If you decide you want to give out personal information anyway, be sure you're giving it to someone you can trust.
Be honest. Be truthful in your profile and in online conversations. Make your intentions clear. If you're just flirting, be sure that the other person isn't taking you seriously. Being honest can prevent disappointment for both you and your potential date. Just remember - you could end up meeting this person. You don't want to hurt others' feelings with false impressions.
Always pay attention. Listen to your intuition - it's your best defense. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Even if you feel it, it's a smart idea to save saying "I love you" for a face-to-face encounter. Pay attention to habits and moods - are they changing? If something doesn't feel right, feel free to stop communicating with that person.
Wait until you're comfortable to call. Let the other person bring up the idea of talking on the phone. When he or she asks for your number and you're not ready to give it out, politely say "no," but ask for a number you can call when you're ready. If you decide to call, pay attention to who answers the phone and the background noises you hear. Do they match what you know about the person?
Take it slowly. Don't be coerced into meeting face to face. Spend as much time communicating electronically as is necessary for you to feel comfortable enough to meet the person. If someone really wants to meet you, he or she will wait till you're ready.
Your first meeting
Tell someone your plans. Tell your best friend or a family member exactly where you'll be. If you have a mobile phone, enter some emergency phone numbers and bring it along.
Err on the side of caution. Just because you feel like you already know your date doesn't mean that you actually do. Treat this first date just as you would any other first date. Use common sense and good judgment.
Use your own transportation. Don't rely on your date for transportation. If things aren't going well, it will be easier to leave if you have your own way home. If you aren't driving, make sure you have enough cash in your pocket for a cab ride, or arrange for a friend to pick you up at a designated time and place.
Agree to meet in a public place. Go to a popular restaurant, cafe, museum, park, or any public place where other people hang out. Double date with a friend if it makes you feel more comfortable. Don't agree to meet anywhere isolated, unfamiliar, or uncomfortable for you.
Consider all information about the individual. Some states and local municipalities may maintain public information about individuals.
Online conversations
Remain anonymous. Never give out your real name, phone number, or address in chat rooms or in your profile. If you decide you want to give out personal information anyway, be sure you're giving it to someone you can trust.
Be honest. Be truthful in your profile and in online conversations. Make your intentions clear. If you're just flirting, be sure that the other person isn't taking you seriously. Being honest can prevent disappointment for both you and your potential date. Just remember - you could end up meeting this person. You don't want to hurt others' feelings with false impressions.
Always pay attention. Listen to your intuition - it's your best defense. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Even if you feel it, it's a smart idea to save saying "I love you" for a face-to-face encounter. Pay attention to habits and moods - are they changing? If something doesn't feel right, feel free to stop communicating with that person.
Wait until you're comfortable to call. Let the other person bring up the idea of talking on the phone. When he or she asks for your number and you're not ready to give it out, politely say "no," but ask for a number you can call when you're ready. If you decide to call, pay attention to who answers the phone and the background noises you hear. Do they match what you know about the person?
Take it slowly. Don't be coerced into meeting face to face. Spend as much time communicating electronically as is necessary for you to feel comfortable enough to meet the person. If someone really wants to meet you, he or she will wait till you're ready.
Your first meeting
Tell someone your plans. Tell your best friend or a family member exactly where you'll be. If you have a mobile phone, enter some emergency phone numbers and bring it along.
Err on the side of caution. Just because you feel like you already know your date doesn't mean that you actually do. Treat this first date just as you would any other first date. Use common sense and good judgment.
Use your own transportation. Don't rely on your date for transportation. If things aren't going well, it will be easier to leave if you have your own way home. If you aren't driving, make sure you have enough cash in your pocket for a cab ride, or arrange for a friend to pick you up at a designated time and place.
Agree to meet in a public place. Go to a popular restaurant, cafe, museum, park, or any public place where other people hang out. Double date with a friend if it makes you feel more comfortable. Don't agree to meet anywhere isolated, unfamiliar, or uncomfortable for you.
Consider all information about the individual. Some states and local municipalities may maintain public information about individuals.
Online Dating Motto: More Pearls, Fewer Swine
If you're in the world of online dating, you probably are familiar with the combination of fear and excitement that most singles report. Fear is a normal reaction: It's scary to open yourself up to judgment and possible rejection. Excitement comes from the enormous possibilities presented by Internet dating: You could very well realize your sweetheart dreams.
But first, the hundreds and thousands of possible mates have to be sorted through -- by you! How ever are you going to find your "pearl," that special gem of a sweetie to spend the rest of your life with?
Be careful with chemistry experiments
Many singles resort to that elusive phenomenon "chemistry" to help them wade through the candidates. While
having chemistry with another person certainly intensifies the desire to connect meaningfully
having chemistry with another person certainly intensifies the desire to connect meaningfully, most of us have excellent examples of horribly failed chemical experiments.
The trouble is, while chemistry and physical attraction are a great formula for continuing the human species, they're not so great a recipe for producing long-term, committed relationships. Mother Nature has programmed men to want to have sex with as many women as possible -- not a good factor for monogamy, and disastrous for pearl finding.
And think about it: If "chemistry" was designed to get us to reproduce, then it works most efficiently for folks under 40.
Very large numbers of us are now pairing after 40
Very large numbers of us are now pairing after 40, when our needs and desires get disconnected from reproduction. We live longer now, much longer. Efficient pairing through "chemistry" may not be the best method for many singles these days.
Five steps to finding your pearl
Here are five suggestions for improving your chances of finding your gem of a sweetheart:
Get crystal clear about what you want. In the very first chapter of my book for singles, "Find a Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women," I help readers imagine and describe how they want their lives to be WITH a partner.
Paint a word and actual picture of your dream and sear it in your brain. Write your description of your future life with your sweetheart and post it where you can see it every day. "Paint" a picture, too, with your own drawings, paint and/or pictures that you cut and paste. The more real you can make your dream, the better. Keep your "love picture" out and see-able, too.
When you know what you want, figure out what you don't want as well. Yahoo! Personals Premier Relationship Test can help you sort out what you want and what you don't want. Print your responses as you go through the exercise so you know what you stated -- you'll be able to see if your preferences change over time.
Then go about your life. Do not stop any efforts to meet new people -- scanning Yahoo! Personals, going to singles events, etc. -- but now, let your pictures guide you. The closer a potential partner comes to what you want, the more clearly he or she will "pop out" at you. All you have to do is be ready. (The "Can't Stands" will pop out too, which comes in very handy for saying a quick "No thanks.")
When you notice a likely candidate, pull out your "Must Have, Can't Stand" list and see how this sweetie checks out. If the "Must Haves" are there and the "Can't Stands" aren't, this potential sweetheart deserves serious "Pearl" consideration. If there is chemistry, so much the better.
Here's the deal: If you are looking for pearls, that's what you are likely to find. And you will see the "Not Pearls" (swine?) just as clearly. Just keep walking and focusing on "pearls." You'll find them.
But first, the hundreds and thousands of possible mates have to be sorted through -- by you! How ever are you going to find your "pearl," that special gem of a sweetie to spend the rest of your life with?
Be careful with chemistry experiments
Many singles resort to that elusive phenomenon "chemistry" to help them wade through the candidates. While
having chemistry with another person certainly intensifies the desire to connect meaningfully
having chemistry with another person certainly intensifies the desire to connect meaningfully, most of us have excellent examples of horribly failed chemical experiments.
The trouble is, while chemistry and physical attraction are a great formula for continuing the human species, they're not so great a recipe for producing long-term, committed relationships. Mother Nature has programmed men to want to have sex with as many women as possible -- not a good factor for monogamy, and disastrous for pearl finding.
And think about it: If "chemistry" was designed to get us to reproduce, then it works most efficiently for folks under 40.
Very large numbers of us are now pairing after 40
Very large numbers of us are now pairing after 40, when our needs and desires get disconnected from reproduction. We live longer now, much longer. Efficient pairing through "chemistry" may not be the best method for many singles these days.
Five steps to finding your pearl
Here are five suggestions for improving your chances of finding your gem of a sweetheart:
Get crystal clear about what you want. In the very first chapter of my book for singles, "Find a Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women," I help readers imagine and describe how they want their lives to be WITH a partner.
Paint a word and actual picture of your dream and sear it in your brain. Write your description of your future life with your sweetheart and post it where you can see it every day. "Paint" a picture, too, with your own drawings, paint and/or pictures that you cut and paste. The more real you can make your dream, the better. Keep your "love picture" out and see-able, too.
When you know what you want, figure out what you don't want as well. Yahoo! Personals Premier Relationship Test can help you sort out what you want and what you don't want. Print your responses as you go through the exercise so you know what you stated -- you'll be able to see if your preferences change over time.
Then go about your life. Do not stop any efforts to meet new people -- scanning Yahoo! Personals, going to singles events, etc. -- but now, let your pictures guide you. The closer a potential partner comes to what you want, the more clearly he or she will "pop out" at you. All you have to do is be ready. (The "Can't Stands" will pop out too, which comes in very handy for saying a quick "No thanks.")
When you notice a likely candidate, pull out your "Must Have, Can't Stand" list and see how this sweetie checks out. If the "Must Haves" are there and the "Can't Stands" aren't, this potential sweetheart deserves serious "Pearl" consideration. If there is chemistry, so much the better.
Here's the deal: If you are looking for pearls, that's what you are likely to find. And you will see the "Not Pearls" (swine?) just as clearly. Just keep walking and focusing on "pearls." You'll find them.
Online Dating: Increase Your Personals Profile Responses
You're dating online because you want dates -- and not just dates, but the right dates. If you are not getting the responses you want, it's time to make some updates to your profile. With just five easy tweaks, you can significantly increase both the quantity and quality of your profile responses.
"Liz, I was receiving 1-2 responses per day, and since implementing the profile changes, the responses have increased to 6-8 per day! It is not the quantity that has impressed me the most, but the quality of the profiles. I am truly amazed and grateful for your helpful suggestions. Thank you!!!!!" -- Cecelia, 38, New York, New York
Five quick changes to make right now
You will attract more dates by making the following five updates to your profile.
These five tips are based on my marketing background
These five tips are based on my marketing background, thousands of interviews with Internet daters for my book, "Smart Man Hunting," and my experience writing Profile Makeovers for coaching clients. The results have been proven to increase profile responses by a whopping 500 percent.
Share Specific Examples. When sharing things that you enjoy, give three specific examples. For example, you can write, "I love movies ("Almost Famous" is my favorite), skiing (Tahoe) and music (Maroon 5)." By being specific, you will invite more responses and attract your type faster. And you will get very different responses if your favorite movie is "Saving Private Ryan" versus "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."
Tell a Very Short Story. In two sentences or less, tell a brief story about a favorite memory. If someone can relate to your story, they are much more likely to respond. You might write, "I love running in the NYC Marathon in November because it's a rush to run 26.2 miles with all ages from around the world."
You will attract more responses with short stories
You will attract more responses with short stories than with a six-inch-long profile that puts people to sleep.
Write About "We," Not "You." When describing the kind of person you want to meet, avoid writing a long, demanding checklist for a mate who does not exist. Instead, describe a few activities that you would like to do together, and use the word "we." For example, you can write, "We might go to a concert at the waterfront" instead of "You must like music." The reader can actually visualize the two of you doing something together. You will also sound more friendly and inviting.
Be Hot, Not Just Warm. You want to sound like your world is exciting, not lukewarm -- especially in your opening statements. Avoid starting a profile with empty statements like "I don't know why I am here" or "I don't know what to say about myself." Instead, show your irresistible charm from the start with a direct statement: "Hi, thank you for stopping by my profile." You can also open with a flirty question. One of my favorites is "Care to dance?"
Crack a Joke. Share your sense of humor by cracking a joke rather than just saying you are funny. It will show a more playful side of you that most people want to date. For example, add humor in parentheses after a statement. You might write, "I love to cook Creme Brulee (OK, I admit it, I've burned a few on the top, but it's rare now)." By sharing what you think is funny, you will attract someone who gets your sense of humor, which is often very different to different people.
"Liz, I was receiving 1-2 responses per day, and since implementing the profile changes, the responses have increased to 6-8 per day! It is not the quantity that has impressed me the most, but the quality of the profiles. I am truly amazed and grateful for your helpful suggestions. Thank you!!!!!" -- Cecelia, 38, New York, New York
Five quick changes to make right now
You will attract more dates by making the following five updates to your profile.
These five tips are based on my marketing background
These five tips are based on my marketing background, thousands of interviews with Internet daters for my book, "Smart Man Hunting," and my experience writing Profile Makeovers for coaching clients. The results have been proven to increase profile responses by a whopping 500 percent.
Share Specific Examples. When sharing things that you enjoy, give three specific examples. For example, you can write, "I love movies ("Almost Famous" is my favorite), skiing (Tahoe) and music (Maroon 5)." By being specific, you will invite more responses and attract your type faster. And you will get very different responses if your favorite movie is "Saving Private Ryan" versus "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."
Tell a Very Short Story. In two sentences or less, tell a brief story about a favorite memory. If someone can relate to your story, they are much more likely to respond. You might write, "I love running in the NYC Marathon in November because it's a rush to run 26.2 miles with all ages from around the world."
You will attract more responses with short stories
You will attract more responses with short stories than with a six-inch-long profile that puts people to sleep.
Write About "We," Not "You." When describing the kind of person you want to meet, avoid writing a long, demanding checklist for a mate who does not exist. Instead, describe a few activities that you would like to do together, and use the word "we." For example, you can write, "We might go to a concert at the waterfront" instead of "You must like music." The reader can actually visualize the two of you doing something together. You will also sound more friendly and inviting.
Be Hot, Not Just Warm. You want to sound like your world is exciting, not lukewarm -- especially in your opening statements. Avoid starting a profile with empty statements like "I don't know why I am here" or "I don't know what to say about myself." Instead, show your irresistible charm from the start with a direct statement: "Hi, thank you for stopping by my profile." You can also open with a flirty question. One of my favorites is "Care to dance?"
Crack a Joke. Share your sense of humor by cracking a joke rather than just saying you are funny. It will show a more playful side of you that most people want to date. For example, add humor in parentheses after a statement. You might write, "I love to cook Creme Brulee (OK, I admit it, I've burned a few on the top, but it's rare now)." By sharing what you think is funny, you will attract someone who gets your sense of humor, which is often very different to different people.
Clear the Roadblocks to Your Online Dating Success
Many women become online dating dropouts before giving it a chance to work. They may try a few free searches but never post a profile to make contact with a potential match. They may also stop short when it comes to adding a photo or completing the application. In my interviews, I found nine barriers. Is one of these stopping you?
Roadblock No. 1: Shyness
Jean, a divorced teacher in her late 40s, is kind, sensitive, and intelligent -- the very qualities any sensible man would want in a woman. But Jean is also shy and modest. Her daughter, Courtney, and I teamed up to get Jean online. We reassured her that she could be her sweet, quiet self and find plenty of men who would appreciate her. Courtney and I helped Jean create a profile that painted a flattering yet truthful picture of her, including this: "I really don't like to talk about myself much. I'd rather listen to what you have to say. Once I get to know you, though, you'll enjoy our thoughtful, funny conversations."
Going online levels the dating playing field for introverts
Going online levels the dating playing field for introverts like Jean; she started with a pool of candidates who preferred the quiet type.
Roadblock No. 2: Waiting for Personal Improvement
"I want to get a facelift first." "I plan to get my teeth whitened." "I need to lose 25 pounds." I'm all in favor of self-improvement, but your social life can move forward online while the metamorphosis takes place. I don't believe in waiting until everything about you is perfect. When my first husband and I split up, I looked the absolute worst of my life. And yet I met someone, a wonderful person that I dated for a while and then corresponded with for two years.
Roadblock No. 3: What if Someone I Know Sees the Ad?
"I work in a man's world, and if a client saw my ad, I think I'd be mortified." What would it mean if a client did see your profile? It would mean that he's probably an online dater like you! More than 15 million people over age 30 try online dating, so it's not as if you're by yourself in this.AARPmagazine.org offers a free, interactive Personal Ad Maker that's fast and straightforward. Compose a profile that keeps personal information to a minimum so there is nothing to embarrass you.
Roadblock No. 4: It's Not Romantic
We all hope for those effortless encounters. We're thrilled by stories of the strangers who sit together on a train and feel an instant connection. I know these kinds of romantic fantasies can come true. I also know that being practical and helping Cupid out a little can be a better route to romance. Every online couple I know considers their story a modern romance. For example, instead of reciting a poem at her wedding two years ago, 51-year-old Stephanie Fischer read her husband Jim's first email to her. "This," she said, "is why I'm marrying this man." Isn't that romantic?
Roadblock No. 5: Does It Work?
Close to 40 million people visit online dating sites
every month; 60 percent of them are men; more than 40 percent of all visitors are over age 30. The best thing about this vast group is that it is comprised of people who self-identify as daters. In fact, they've taken the time and trouble to announce that they want to meet someone. The computer then takes this qualified pool of cooperative prospects and starts sorting: by age, geography, interests, pets or no pets, smoking or nonsmoking, on and on. By the time the electronic sorting is over, the millions may be down to hundreds or dozens. Or just one -- the right one, the only one you need.
Roadblock No. 6: I'm Set in My Ways
"I like my freedom." "I can buy what I want and do what I want when I want to." Many women embrace independence so whole-heartedly that they box themselves into an uncompromising corner. The trouble with staying in the corner is that it doesn't offer room to expand. It's stifling after awhile and, of course, it gets lonely there.
Roadblock No. 7: I've Been Burned Before
"I corresponded with a guy for weeks. When we met, he was nothing like I expected. I'll never waste my time again."
What in life works perfectly the first time you try it? I'm glad I don't give up easily. If I did, I never would have survived putting myself through college, or my first winter in New York. Perseverance also paid off when I raked through a mountain of emails and a spate of dreadful dates until I hit pay dirt -- Walter. The old adage "once burned, twice shy" doesn't mean stop and surrender. I interpret it as a caution to be thoughtful and learn something for next time. Stay in the game, and go get him.
Roadblock No. 8: I'm Not Interested in Sex
If you watch television, you may believe that people our age are inveterate sex fiends. However, an estimated 25 percent of premenopausal women, and one in three menopausal women, have low sex drives, according to findings reported by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. Indeed, a low sex drive is the most common sexual complaint made by women. Despite the multimillion dollar ad campaigns, not every man over 45 is popping Viagra like vitamins. Many have opted to put their prowess out to pasture. And it doesn't make them any less loving and romantic. "No sex" does not equal no dates.
Roadblock No. 9: I Can't Get My Act Together
Many women want a more robust dating life, but they have trouble setting priorities, getting organized, and moving the ball forward. Your happiness and well-being should always be a chief -- if not the chief -- goal. But maybe you haven't set goals for yourself in a long time. It's fairly common in midlife to drift along until a crisis demands attention and renewed awareness. Why wait for a shake-up to discover your hopes and aspirations? Do a self-review and -- this is very important -- write down your priorities in order.
Make a plan to transform thought into action. Break your goal down into small steps ("Write a headline for my profile," for example) and focus on completing one step a day, or week. Be sure to carry out the step at your peak time of day. Don't put it off while you read your emails or listen to phone messages, the way many of us start off the morning. You'll get distracted and move on to other tasks. Put first things first on your agenda. Chances are, once you take that itty-bitty step, the momentum of doing something positive will ignite your enthusiasm.
Now, get to it. Write your profile, post it with a great photo and get on with the fun of discovering who might be out there waiting to meet you.
Roadblock No. 1: Shyness
Jean, a divorced teacher in her late 40s, is kind, sensitive, and intelligent -- the very qualities any sensible man would want in a woman. But Jean is also shy and modest. Her daughter, Courtney, and I teamed up to get Jean online. We reassured her that she could be her sweet, quiet self and find plenty of men who would appreciate her. Courtney and I helped Jean create a profile that painted a flattering yet truthful picture of her, including this: "I really don't like to talk about myself much. I'd rather listen to what you have to say. Once I get to know you, though, you'll enjoy our thoughtful, funny conversations."
Going online levels the dating playing field for introverts
Going online levels the dating playing field for introverts like Jean; she started with a pool of candidates who preferred the quiet type.
Roadblock No. 2: Waiting for Personal Improvement
"I want to get a facelift first." "I plan to get my teeth whitened." "I need to lose 25 pounds." I'm all in favor of self-improvement, but your social life can move forward online while the metamorphosis takes place. I don't believe in waiting until everything about you is perfect. When my first husband and I split up, I looked the absolute worst of my life. And yet I met someone, a wonderful person that I dated for a while and then corresponded with for two years.
Roadblock No. 3: What if Someone I Know Sees the Ad?
"I work in a man's world, and if a client saw my ad, I think I'd be mortified." What would it mean if a client did see your profile? It would mean that he's probably an online dater like you! More than 15 million people over age 30 try online dating, so it's not as if you're by yourself in this.AARPmagazine.org offers a free, interactive Personal Ad Maker that's fast and straightforward. Compose a profile that keeps personal information to a minimum so there is nothing to embarrass you.
Roadblock No. 4: It's Not Romantic
We all hope for those effortless encounters. We're thrilled by stories of the strangers who sit together on a train and feel an instant connection. I know these kinds of romantic fantasies can come true. I also know that being practical and helping Cupid out a little can be a better route to romance. Every online couple I know considers their story a modern romance. For example, instead of reciting a poem at her wedding two years ago, 51-year-old Stephanie Fischer read her husband Jim's first email to her. "This," she said, "is why I'm marrying this man." Isn't that romantic?
Roadblock No. 5: Does It Work?
Close to 40 million people visit online dating sites
every month; 60 percent of them are men; more than 40 percent of all visitors are over age 30. The best thing about this vast group is that it is comprised of people who self-identify as daters. In fact, they've taken the time and trouble to announce that they want to meet someone. The computer then takes this qualified pool of cooperative prospects and starts sorting: by age, geography, interests, pets or no pets, smoking or nonsmoking, on and on. By the time the electronic sorting is over, the millions may be down to hundreds or dozens. Or just one -- the right one, the only one you need.
Roadblock No. 6: I'm Set in My Ways
"I like my freedom." "I can buy what I want and do what I want when I want to." Many women embrace independence so whole-heartedly that they box themselves into an uncompromising corner. The trouble with staying in the corner is that it doesn't offer room to expand. It's stifling after awhile and, of course, it gets lonely there.
Roadblock No. 7: I've Been Burned Before
"I corresponded with a guy for weeks. When we met, he was nothing like I expected. I'll never waste my time again."
What in life works perfectly the first time you try it? I'm glad I don't give up easily. If I did, I never would have survived putting myself through college, or my first winter in New York. Perseverance also paid off when I raked through a mountain of emails and a spate of dreadful dates until I hit pay dirt -- Walter. The old adage "once burned, twice shy" doesn't mean stop and surrender. I interpret it as a caution to be thoughtful and learn something for next time. Stay in the game, and go get him.
Roadblock No. 8: I'm Not Interested in Sex
If you watch television, you may believe that people our age are inveterate sex fiends. However, an estimated 25 percent of premenopausal women, and one in three menopausal women, have low sex drives, according to findings reported by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. Indeed, a low sex drive is the most common sexual complaint made by women. Despite the multimillion dollar ad campaigns, not every man over 45 is popping Viagra like vitamins. Many have opted to put their prowess out to pasture. And it doesn't make them any less loving and romantic. "No sex" does not equal no dates.
Roadblock No. 9: I Can't Get My Act Together
Many women want a more robust dating life, but they have trouble setting priorities, getting organized, and moving the ball forward. Your happiness and well-being should always be a chief -- if not the chief -- goal. But maybe you haven't set goals for yourself in a long time. It's fairly common in midlife to drift along until a crisis demands attention and renewed awareness. Why wait for a shake-up to discover your hopes and aspirations? Do a self-review and -- this is very important -- write down your priorities in order.
Make a plan to transform thought into action. Break your goal down into small steps ("Write a headline for my profile," for example) and focus on completing one step a day, or week. Be sure to carry out the step at your peak time of day. Don't put it off while you read your emails or listen to phone messages, the way many of us start off the morning. You'll get distracted and move on to other tasks. Put first things first on your agenda. Chances are, once you take that itty-bitty step, the momentum of doing something positive will ignite your enthusiasm.
Now, get to it. Write your profile, post it with a great photo and get on with the fun of discovering who might be out there waiting to meet you.
Online Dating Ideas: Examples of Good Personals Ads
Don't copy these profiles exactly -- just use them as examples of what works. Sharing plenty of fun, specific examples adds personality to your profile, and gives people something to respond to.
Wacky single seeks same for romance (Woman Seeking Man)
Hello! I'm a 29-year-old, never-married, fun-loving woman who lives and works (very hard) in the San Francisco Bay Area. I'm 5'7", 130 pounds with black hair, blue eyes, and bright green-painted toenails. I'm a huge music fan and love the Dave Matthews Band, Cake, Tom Petty, Susan Tedeschi, and the Gypsy Kings. I love all types of movies; my all-time favorites include "Raging Bull" and "It's a Wonderful Life." I also enjoy curling up with a good book, and right now I'm in the middle of "The Corrections." I want to learn to play the guitar, speak Spanish, and snowboard with grace. What I value most in life is my rather large family, the Earth, and my hobby -- photography. One day, I hope to become the coolest, sexiest mom with a van full of kids you've ever seen. If you love mushroom ravioli, romantic nights by a fire, and spring camping trips, please reply! I'm seeking an honest man between ages 27 and 35 who is taller than me, wants kids, likes to go hiking, lives nearby, and can appreciate a woman who's often been called "refreshing." Men who enjoy karaoke bars and foreign films earn extra points.
I'll hold you late at night (Man Seeking Woman)
Are you looking for a sensitive man who'll really listen to you after a hard day's work? Look no further! I'm good looking: 6'1", blonde, brown eyes, dark skin, nice lips. I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I work hard in every facet of my life. I'm also divorced with no children. I guarantee I can change the oil in your car in 10 minutes flat. Just looking for a woman who appreciates Sunday picnics, baseball games, fine French dining, Broadway shows, casual BBQ dinners on my porch, and a little imperfection every now and then.
Wacky single seeks same for romance (Woman Seeking Man)
Hello! I'm a 29-year-old, never-married, fun-loving woman who lives and works (very hard) in the San Francisco Bay Area. I'm 5'7", 130 pounds with black hair, blue eyes, and bright green-painted toenails. I'm a huge music fan and love the Dave Matthews Band, Cake, Tom Petty, Susan Tedeschi, and the Gypsy Kings. I love all types of movies; my all-time favorites include "Raging Bull" and "It's a Wonderful Life." I also enjoy curling up with a good book, and right now I'm in the middle of "The Corrections." I want to learn to play the guitar, speak Spanish, and snowboard with grace. What I value most in life is my rather large family, the Earth, and my hobby -- photography. One day, I hope to become the coolest, sexiest mom with a van full of kids you've ever seen. If you love mushroom ravioli, romantic nights by a fire, and spring camping trips, please reply! I'm seeking an honest man between ages 27 and 35 who is taller than me, wants kids, likes to go hiking, lives nearby, and can appreciate a woman who's often been called "refreshing." Men who enjoy karaoke bars and foreign films earn extra points.
I'll hold you late at night (Man Seeking Woman)
Are you looking for a sensitive man who'll really listen to you after a hard day's work? Look no further! I'm good looking: 6'1", blonde, brown eyes, dark skin, nice lips. I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I work hard in every facet of my life. I'm also divorced with no children. I guarantee I can change the oil in your car in 10 minutes flat. Just looking for a woman who appreciates Sunday picnics, baseball games, fine French dining, Broadway shows, casual BBQ dinners on my porch, and a little imperfection every now and then.
Having More Profile Photos Improves Your Dating Odds
When our researchers looked at personal photo statistics, here's what they found:
A profile with one personal photo receives five times as many replies as a profile without a personal photo.
A profile with three photos receives seven times as many replies as a profile without a personal photo.
A profile with five photos receives nine times as many replies as a profile without a photo.
Photos are even more important for women:
For a woman's profile, one photo attracts seven times more replies, three photos draws nine times as many replies, and five photos encourages 12 times more replies than a profile without a photo.
For a man's profile, one photo attracts three times more replies, three photos draws four times as many replies, and five photos encourages five times more replies than a profile without a photos.
Use your extra photos to tell more of your story and why someone should be delighted with an opportunity to get to know you. If you have children, include a photo with them. If you have a pet, include it in a photo with you. Show photos of you engaged in favorite activities or at your favorite travel destination.
A profile with one personal photo receives five times as many replies as a profile without a personal photo.
A profile with three photos receives seven times as many replies as a profile without a personal photo.
A profile with five photos receives nine times as many replies as a profile without a photo.
Photos are even more important for women:
For a woman's profile, one photo attracts seven times more replies, three photos draws nine times as many replies, and five photos encourages 12 times more replies than a profile without a photo.
For a man's profile, one photo attracts three times more replies, three photos draws four times as many replies, and five photos encourages five times more replies than a profile without a photos.
Use your extra photos to tell more of your story and why someone should be delighted with an opportunity to get to know you. If you have children, include a photo with them. If you have a pet, include it in a photo with you. Show photos of you engaged in favorite activities or at your favorite travel destination.
Good Personals Profile Photos Improve Your Dating Odds
Everyone knows that profiles with photos get way more responses. So put your best face forward, add a photo to your personal profile, and watch the responses pour in. Read these tips to see how to post the best photo possible.
Need tips for your profile description?
Read our Guidelines. Do this before you post a photo so you can be sure that it will get posted on the site. All photos are subject to rejection or removal.
Show off how you look on an average day. Don't use a "glamour" shot on your profile. Sure, you look fantastic, but will you be able to live up to that image when it comes time to meet your match? You're more likely to get responses by posting an everyday picture.
Use a current picture. Do not post high school graduation photos, baby pictures, or that awesome shot from 10 years ago. If you don't have a recent photo, ask a friend with a digital camera to shoot your portrait.
Choose a quality photo. A close-up photo of your face is much more interesting than a blurry or far-away image. Take the time to find a clear, well-lit picture. For more about closeups, see "Dating Success Begins with a Great Photo."
Smile! You look like a million bucks when you flash those pearly whites. Don't be shy.
Post only one photo. Do not post a collage of photos -- it will be rejected. But you can choose up to five of your favorite pictures!
No more than two people in a photo. We want to see you and not your sister! If you can't find any solo photos, you may post a picture that includes one other person. But try to keep the focus on you.
Do not include your phone number. Or your email address. Or your full name. Or your Yahoo! ID.
Nudity is not allowed. Do not post nude photos on Yahoo! Personals profiles. Do not post photos with obscene or objectionable content.
Need tips for your profile description?
Read our Guidelines. Do this before you post a photo so you can be sure that it will get posted on the site. All photos are subject to rejection or removal.
Show off how you look on an average day. Don't use a "glamour" shot on your profile. Sure, you look fantastic, but will you be able to live up to that image when it comes time to meet your match? You're more likely to get responses by posting an everyday picture.
Use a current picture. Do not post high school graduation photos, baby pictures, or that awesome shot from 10 years ago. If you don't have a recent photo, ask a friend with a digital camera to shoot your portrait.
Choose a quality photo. A close-up photo of your face is much more interesting than a blurry or far-away image. Take the time to find a clear, well-lit picture. For more about closeups, see "Dating Success Begins with a Great Photo."
Smile! You look like a million bucks when you flash those pearly whites. Don't be shy.
Post only one photo. Do not post a collage of photos -- it will be rejected. But you can choose up to five of your favorite pictures!
No more than two people in a photo. We want to see you and not your sister! If you can't find any solo photos, you may post a picture that includes one other person. But try to keep the focus on you.
Do not include your phone number. Or your email address. Or your full name. Or your Yahoo! ID.
Nudity is not allowed. Do not post nude photos on Yahoo! Personals profiles. Do not post photos with obscene or objectionable content.
Online Dating: How to Grab a Woman's Attention
In all my years of coaching men how to succeed in online dating, the one thing that always amazes me is the amount of men who still cut and paste a canned opener and send it to a woman.
Guys: Women know when you cut and paste an email to make initial contact. It shows that you did not read her profile. The first thing she thinks is that you're lazy and not very clever. Most men who use the shotgun approach don't receive responses.
So what is a guy to do to succeed in the competitive world of online dating? Here are three steps to take:
1. Spruce up your profile. You need to be different and clever, just like when you approach a woman in a bar or market.
What works offline is going to work online. It really is all about having fun. To make your profile rock, instead of saying "I love to travel," share a story about one of the places you have traveled to. For example: "I love the Italian coast, and when I was in Positano I had the best limoncello in the world. When we speak, ask me about the view."
Why is this better? Because it will pique women's interest and it's something they can ask you about when responding to your profile. You need to create an emotional response so they feel compelled to contact you.
2. Select 10-15 women to email per week. Now that you have spruced up your profile, how do you get her attention and distinguish yourself from all the other guys online? This is the easy part, but it will take some work. Instead of burning through 100 profiles and sending out a shotgun mass email, pick 10 to 15 women at the beginning of the week who you want to get to know. If you do it right, you will get a good response rate and have a few dates that week.
Now comes the work. You need to read through their profiles and find the fun tidbits. The correct online opener is no different than the perfect bar, party or supermarket opener. For example, if both of you have a dog, you can send this kind of email:
Subject: If not for us...our dogs will never be able to meet
My dog is really visual and when she saw a picture of yours her stubby tail could not stop thumping! We need to hook them up, plus I have to get her off Dogdate.com; she is becoming addicted!
Let's talk about this,
David
There are a few reasons why this will work, besides the fact that it is original and funny. What you are doing is making fun of yourself here. Men are visual, and you are telling her that your dog is visual, which will get a laugh from her immediately. You want to make her laugh.
She is getting all these horrible emails from the cut-and-paste men, and yours arrives with some originality and creativity. It shows that you tried to get to know who she is by reading her profile.
Here's another example. If her profile says that she is spontaneous and adventurous, challenge her on that:
Subject: So you say...
...that you are adventurous and spontaneous. What was the last adventurous thing you did? And if you are really spontaneous, why don't you send me your number so we can talk? Five minutes on the phone and we will know if we have chemistry.
Let's talk today. I dare you.
Women like a man who is bold and challenges her mind. You are also getting to the point and creating intrigue. She will wonder what you are all about.
3. Stick with one dating site. This is by far the best advice. Stop jumping from site to site every two weeks thinking that you are going to get different results. You need to realize that women will check you out and read your profile, but it may take a few emails to get them to respond. They may be dating someone else the first time you contact them, or they may be intrigued but too busy, or maybe you're getting them on a bad day. I always tell my clients that it's okay to lob another email a few weeks later. But don't send the same one -- find something new to connect with her about.
It's all about being persistent. I have found in all my years of advising people on the Internet that the folks who stay on one site are the ones who get the great dates. You need to be patient -- some weeks you will have a lot of responses, other weeks not much of anything. But if you use the steps above, you will increase your odds every day.
Guys: Women know when you cut and paste an email to make initial contact. It shows that you did not read her profile. The first thing she thinks is that you're lazy and not very clever. Most men who use the shotgun approach don't receive responses.
So what is a guy to do to succeed in the competitive world of online dating? Here are three steps to take:
1. Spruce up your profile. You need to be different and clever, just like when you approach a woman in a bar or market.
What works offline is going to work online. It really is all about having fun. To make your profile rock, instead of saying "I love to travel," share a story about one of the places you have traveled to. For example: "I love the Italian coast, and when I was in Positano I had the best limoncello in the world. When we speak, ask me about the view."
Why is this better? Because it will pique women's interest and it's something they can ask you about when responding to your profile. You need to create an emotional response so they feel compelled to contact you.
2. Select 10-15 women to email per week. Now that you have spruced up your profile, how do you get her attention and distinguish yourself from all the other guys online? This is the easy part, but it will take some work. Instead of burning through 100 profiles and sending out a shotgun mass email, pick 10 to 15 women at the beginning of the week who you want to get to know. If you do it right, you will get a good response rate and have a few dates that week.
Now comes the work. You need to read through their profiles and find the fun tidbits. The correct online opener is no different than the perfect bar, party or supermarket opener. For example, if both of you have a dog, you can send this kind of email:
Subject: If not for us...our dogs will never be able to meet
My dog is really visual and when she saw a picture of yours her stubby tail could not stop thumping! We need to hook them up, plus I have to get her off Dogdate.com; she is becoming addicted!
Let's talk about this,
David
There are a few reasons why this will work, besides the fact that it is original and funny. What you are doing is making fun of yourself here. Men are visual, and you are telling her that your dog is visual, which will get a laugh from her immediately. You want to make her laugh.
She is getting all these horrible emails from the cut-and-paste men, and yours arrives with some originality and creativity. It shows that you tried to get to know who she is by reading her profile.
Here's another example. If her profile says that she is spontaneous and adventurous, challenge her on that:
Subject: So you say...
...that you are adventurous and spontaneous. What was the last adventurous thing you did? And if you are really spontaneous, why don't you send me your number so we can talk? Five minutes on the phone and we will know if we have chemistry.
Let's talk today. I dare you.
Women like a man who is bold and challenges her mind. You are also getting to the point and creating intrigue. She will wonder what you are all about.
3. Stick with one dating site. This is by far the best advice. Stop jumping from site to site every two weeks thinking that you are going to get different results. You need to realize that women will check you out and read your profile, but it may take a few emails to get them to respond. They may be dating someone else the first time you contact them, or they may be intrigued but too busy, or maybe you're getting them on a bad day. I always tell my clients that it's okay to lob another email a few weeks later. But don't send the same one -- find something new to connect with her about.
It's all about being persistent. I have found in all my years of advising people on the Internet that the folks who stay on one site are the ones who get the great dates. You need to be patient -- some weeks you will have a lot of responses, other weeks not much of anything. But if you use the steps above, you will increase your odds every day.
Give Your Partner a Flirting Pass
You are at a friend's party having a great time. You look over and see your date or partner laughing, chatting -- and could that be flirting? -- with someone else at the party. What do you do?
(a) March over, wedging yourself in between your partner and the other person as you introduce yourself.
(b) Trust your partner will not take it past innocent flirting, but keep one eye on the situation anyway.
(c) Catch the eye of your partner, give them a smile, a wink, and a toast and hope they are having fun.
The reason I ask?
The fine art of innocent flirting has created many an after-party fight. Some people feel their partner should be giving all that attention exclusively to them instead of someone else. But what would happen if we began to see flirting as creating an abundance of good couple energy? The idea is, the more positive feelings you share with other people, the more you will get back.
I want my partner to flirt
One afternoon while having coffee with a friend, I explained how I not only encourage my partner to flirt, I teach him the fine art of flirting. Perplexed, she asked why on earth would I teach my partner to flirt. Fair question with a super-easy answer: I trust him 110 percent.
Ever since my partner emerged out of his I-can't-look-at-any-other-woman box with the freedom to flirt, he feels better about himself. He feels and acts sexy. He is more fun to be around. The end result is our relationship is stronger and healthier because he brings that positive energy home to me. The irony is that he does not really even flirt. It's simply that he has been given a pass-card to flirt that has made all the difference.
I could see my friend nodding her head in agreement. I asked, "Why don't you try flirting?" A tiny look of terror crossed her face. She then uttered the words that many people say when I broach the topic of flirting: "My partner wouldn't like it."
Undaunted, I pressed the issue, "Why?"
She started squirming, as if she was to divulge dark bedroom secrets, and replied, "He's just not that secure and quite frankly neither am I. I wouldn't like it if I saw another woman flirting with him." The conversation was uncomfortably dropped.
A little jealousy is good
Innocent flirting, to me, is like window shopping. It is the catalyst to get a spark going in a relationship. To successfully take a healthy relationship over the long term, I strongly believe everyone should flirt. Flirt with each other, flirt with other people, and allow other people to flirt with you. It creates such great "happy couple" energy.
If flirting is so great, why don't people do it more often? Probably the green-eyed monster -- jealously --pops to mind first. Well, let us turn this idea of jealousy on its head. Believe it or not, a little jealousy affirms the affection within your relationship. Jealousy indicates there is excitement. That said, a well-balanced individual in a healthy relationship will not twist their jealously into a full-blown fight.
Make a flirting agreement
However, a big part of successful flirting is having a mutual agreement about what is acceptable and unacceptable in your relationship. Which means you must decide what flirting means to you, and communicate this to each other.
Start out with baby steps. For example, at a party, flirt only while your partner is present. Next level, your partner is across the room but in view. You know you have reached the flirting pinnacle when you can look at your partner flirting and having a wonderful time with someone else and feel happy for him or her.
Finally, flirting stays at the door when you two go home together. All that positive, sexy energy you have created from flirting should take you into a fabulous, fun night together.
(a) March over, wedging yourself in between your partner and the other person as you introduce yourself.
(b) Trust your partner will not take it past innocent flirting, but keep one eye on the situation anyway.
(c) Catch the eye of your partner, give them a smile, a wink, and a toast and hope they are having fun.
The reason I ask?
The fine art of innocent flirting has created many an after-party fight. Some people feel their partner should be giving all that attention exclusively to them instead of someone else. But what would happen if we began to see flirting as creating an abundance of good couple energy? The idea is, the more positive feelings you share with other people, the more you will get back.
I want my partner to flirt
One afternoon while having coffee with a friend, I explained how I not only encourage my partner to flirt, I teach him the fine art of flirting. Perplexed, she asked why on earth would I teach my partner to flirt. Fair question with a super-easy answer: I trust him 110 percent.
Ever since my partner emerged out of his I-can't-look-at-any-other-woman box with the freedom to flirt, he feels better about himself. He feels and acts sexy. He is more fun to be around. The end result is our relationship is stronger and healthier because he brings that positive energy home to me. The irony is that he does not really even flirt. It's simply that he has been given a pass-card to flirt that has made all the difference.
I could see my friend nodding her head in agreement. I asked, "Why don't you try flirting?" A tiny look of terror crossed her face. She then uttered the words that many people say when I broach the topic of flirting: "My partner wouldn't like it."
Undaunted, I pressed the issue, "Why?"
She started squirming, as if she was to divulge dark bedroom secrets, and replied, "He's just not that secure and quite frankly neither am I. I wouldn't like it if I saw another woman flirting with him." The conversation was uncomfortably dropped.
A little jealousy is good
Innocent flirting, to me, is like window shopping. It is the catalyst to get a spark going in a relationship. To successfully take a healthy relationship over the long term, I strongly believe everyone should flirt. Flirt with each other, flirt with other people, and allow other people to flirt with you. It creates such great "happy couple" energy.
If flirting is so great, why don't people do it more often? Probably the green-eyed monster -- jealously --pops to mind first. Well, let us turn this idea of jealousy on its head. Believe it or not, a little jealousy affirms the affection within your relationship. Jealousy indicates there is excitement. That said, a well-balanced individual in a healthy relationship will not twist their jealously into a full-blown fight.
Make a flirting agreement
However, a big part of successful flirting is having a mutual agreement about what is acceptable and unacceptable in your relationship. Which means you must decide what flirting means to you, and communicate this to each other.
Start out with baby steps. For example, at a party, flirt only while your partner is present. Next level, your partner is across the room but in view. You know you have reached the flirting pinnacle when you can look at your partner flirting and having a wonderful time with someone else and feel happy for him or her.
Finally, flirting stays at the door when you two go home together. All that positive, sexy energy you have created from flirting should take you into a fabulous, fun night together.
Online Dating: Turn an Email Connection Into a Real-Life Love
I get email practically every day from singles who tell me they don't have trouble making good connections with people online, but they have very little success once they meet those people in person. This is an issue surrounding online dating that does not get discussed all that often. It is important, however, to talk about, because you want to minimize the amount of time you spend talking online to people with whom you will not connect in real life.
Here are six key dating tips to maximizing your chances of a successful transition from connecting online to connecting in real life:
1. Take action and keep the momentum going.
One of the biggest things I stress to people when they are dating online is to make a meeting happen as soon as possible. Don't write emails back and forth for two weeks. Don't wait 10 days before you give someone your phone number. Online dating is a momentum-based thing. The other person may be corresponding with six, seven, or 10 other people. You want to be the one who sticks out among the group. You want to be the person who is full of action. So, right after you have exchanged emails twice, get a phone number, talk on the phone, and set up a meeting. Set up something very simple. Go meet for a cup of coffee. Take a walk with your dog. Pick something really easy.
2. Real chemistry happens in person.
One reality about online dating is that most of the time you are not going to have the chemistry with someone in person that you do over the phone or via email, so
you always want to keep your first meeting simple.
you always want to keep your first meeting simple. You want the meeting to happen quickly, and you want to make sure that you both get to the place on your own, so you are able to leave when you choose. Never have dinner on a first meeting.
3. Put the right kind of photos on your profile.
The minimum number of photos you should post with your online profile is five, and every single one of those photos must be current. Of those five pictures, three of them need to be full body shots. You should be clearly visible; don't post any photos where you are so far off in the distance you are totally unrecognizable. Don't post pictures of you surrounded by 10 of your friends at a dinner table. Each of your photos need to clearly show who you are and what you're all about. All of the photos you post also must have you in them. Don't post photos just of your dog or of a waterfall you saw during your last trip to Hawaii.
4. Look within your area first.
Another tip to increase your chances of a successful transition from online into real life is look in your own geographic area first. Don't send winks to people who live 3,000 miles away from you; that's ridiculous. Search within your own geographic area. Try limiting your search at first to a 25-mile radius. Now, don't do that for one day then declare there to be no one in your area to meet so as to give yourself permission to re-expand your search area. Instead, keep looking within that same mile radius.
Also, don't waste time trying to connect with someone who says they are looking to meet someone who lives within a 10-mile radius when you live 500 miles away. Don't waste other people's time, just as you would not want someone wasting yours. Successfully dating online is all about being as time-efficient as possible. If you do that, you are going to be able to go out and meet more people. So respect other people's boundary lines.
5. Remember to "reapply."
Going online to meet your love match is very much like going to a giant singles bar. Just because you contacted someone a month ago (or two or three months ago) and they did not respond, does not necessarily mean they are not or would not be interested in you. There are a million reasons why they may not have responded to you the first time. They may have been dating someone else. They may have had their profile online but not been checking it. They may simply have gotten a flood of emails the day you sent yours and your message got lost in the shuffle. So, in online dating it is perfectly okay to "reapply" if you are still interested in someone who did not respond to you.
There are a few important keys to remember when reapplying online. First, do not ever reapply with the exact same email as the one you originally sent. Type something different and something fun. Do not reference the fact that the person did not respond to you the first time. Also, only reapply once. Do not take the idea of "reapplying" as a justification to start stalking someone online.
6. Make your contacts real conversations.
Online dating is about starting the conversation. So before you contact someone, make sure you read their entire profile. It's very important to begin communication by addressing something substantive you liked or noticed about their profile. Remember that when that person wrote their profile, they did so to communicate certain pieces of information about themselves to you -- to start a conversation with you.
Imagine what someone is like when you read their profile. Read it aloud so you can actually hear their voice tone, and then take the first couple of questions that come into your mind and send them to that person. It will make for the start of a real conversation, so you can see if they are someone you want to get to know better.
These tips will make your online dating experience far more rewarding and will help you meet people online whom you'd want to get to know in the real world. It's about being different, and not being the same as everyone else who is online looking to meet someone.
Here are six key dating tips to maximizing your chances of a successful transition from connecting online to connecting in real life:
1. Take action and keep the momentum going.
One of the biggest things I stress to people when they are dating online is to make a meeting happen as soon as possible. Don't write emails back and forth for two weeks. Don't wait 10 days before you give someone your phone number. Online dating is a momentum-based thing. The other person may be corresponding with six, seven, or 10 other people. You want to be the one who sticks out among the group. You want to be the person who is full of action. So, right after you have exchanged emails twice, get a phone number, talk on the phone, and set up a meeting. Set up something very simple. Go meet for a cup of coffee. Take a walk with your dog. Pick something really easy.
2. Real chemistry happens in person.
One reality about online dating is that most of the time you are not going to have the chemistry with someone in person that you do over the phone or via email, so
you always want to keep your first meeting simple.
you always want to keep your first meeting simple. You want the meeting to happen quickly, and you want to make sure that you both get to the place on your own, so you are able to leave when you choose. Never have dinner on a first meeting.
3. Put the right kind of photos on your profile.
The minimum number of photos you should post with your online profile is five, and every single one of those photos must be current. Of those five pictures, three of them need to be full body shots. You should be clearly visible; don't post any photos where you are so far off in the distance you are totally unrecognizable. Don't post pictures of you surrounded by 10 of your friends at a dinner table. Each of your photos need to clearly show who you are and what you're all about. All of the photos you post also must have you in them. Don't post photos just of your dog or of a waterfall you saw during your last trip to Hawaii.
4. Look within your area first.
Another tip to increase your chances of a successful transition from online into real life is look in your own geographic area first. Don't send winks to people who live 3,000 miles away from you; that's ridiculous. Search within your own geographic area. Try limiting your search at first to a 25-mile radius. Now, don't do that for one day then declare there to be no one in your area to meet so as to give yourself permission to re-expand your search area. Instead, keep looking within that same mile radius.
Also, don't waste time trying to connect with someone who says they are looking to meet someone who lives within a 10-mile radius when you live 500 miles away. Don't waste other people's time, just as you would not want someone wasting yours. Successfully dating online is all about being as time-efficient as possible. If you do that, you are going to be able to go out and meet more people. So respect other people's boundary lines.
5. Remember to "reapply."
Going online to meet your love match is very much like going to a giant singles bar. Just because you contacted someone a month ago (or two or three months ago) and they did not respond, does not necessarily mean they are not or would not be interested in you. There are a million reasons why they may not have responded to you the first time. They may have been dating someone else. They may have had their profile online but not been checking it. They may simply have gotten a flood of emails the day you sent yours and your message got lost in the shuffle. So, in online dating it is perfectly okay to "reapply" if you are still interested in someone who did not respond to you.
There are a few important keys to remember when reapplying online. First, do not ever reapply with the exact same email as the one you originally sent. Type something different and something fun. Do not reference the fact that the person did not respond to you the first time. Also, only reapply once. Do not take the idea of "reapplying" as a justification to start stalking someone online.
6. Make your contacts real conversations.
Online dating is about starting the conversation. So before you contact someone, make sure you read their entire profile. It's very important to begin communication by addressing something substantive you liked or noticed about their profile. Remember that when that person wrote their profile, they did so to communicate certain pieces of information about themselves to you -- to start a conversation with you.
Imagine what someone is like when you read their profile. Read it aloud so you can actually hear their voice tone, and then take the first couple of questions that come into your mind and send them to that person. It will make for the start of a real conversation, so you can see if they are someone you want to get to know better.
These tips will make your online dating experience far more rewarding and will help you meet people online whom you'd want to get to know in the real world. It's about being different, and not being the same as everyone else who is online looking to meet someone.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Study: HPV vaccine prevents genital warts in males
For the first time, an expensive vaccine aimed at preventing cervical cancer in women has proven successful at preventing a disease in men, according to a new study.
The disease? It's genital warts, a sexually-transmitted problem that is embarrassing and uncomfortable but not life-threatening.
Still, the results are expected to bolster a likely bid by the vaccine's manufacturer — Merck & Co. Inc. — to begin marketing the vaccine to boys, experts said. Merck plans to ask the government for that approval later this year.
"This opens the door to a wonderful opportunity to prevent illness," said Anna Giuliano, a Tampa-based researcher who worked on the Merck-funded study. She is an epidemiologist at the H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa.
The results of the study were to be presented Thursday at a medical conference in Europe.
The focus was Merck's vaccine, Gardasil, which is given in three doses over six months and is priced at about $375.
The vaccine targets the two types of HPV, or human papillomavirus, believed to be responsible for about 70 percent of cervical cancer cases, and two other types that cause most genital warts. HPV is spread through sex.
In 2006, the U.S. government licensed the vaccine for use in girls and women ages 9 to 26. Males can spread the virus, but it was not licensed for them because there was no evidence it prevented disease in men.
Though about 40 other countries have approved the vaccine for males, there still is no medical proof Gardasil prevents penile cancer or other HPV-associated cancers in men. There also is no evidence the vaccine prevents the spread of HPV from men to women.
The new Merck study involved about 4,000 males ages 16 to 26. The study was done in nearly 20 countries, and included more than 1,000 males in the United States.
It showed the vaccine was 90 percent effective in preventing genital warts, with only 15 cases of persistent infection in a vaccinated group of males as compared to 101 cases in a group that was given a fake vaccine.
The results are "very exciting," but it's not clear they will be enough to persuade many American families to get their teenage boys vaccinated, said Dr. Maura Gillison, an HPV researcher at Johns Hopkins University who was not involved in the Merck study.
She noted that only 1 in 4 girls have gotten the vaccine so far, despite compelling medical studies that indicate the shots prevent female cancers.
"When parents are sitting in a room discussing with a pediatrician whether to vaccinate their child against anything, they'd like to know what the potential benefit is. A parent might say 'I'm not inclined to vaccinate my child to prevent a benign genital wart,'" she said.
Government officials have been awaiting this interim analysis from Merck, and are eager to see additional information that may come later on the vaccine's effect on precancerous lesions, said Dr. Lauri Markowitz, an HPV expert at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
"It's obviously encouraging data but the policy makers will be looking at variety of different issues," including how cost effective the shot would be if used in males, said Markowitz, a medical epidemiologist.
HPV causes at least 20,000 cases of cancer each year, with about a quarter of them occurring in men, according to CDC estimates. Cervical cancer is the most common type, but HPV-associated cancers of the vulva, vagina, anus, penis and head and neck also occur.
The disease? It's genital warts, a sexually-transmitted problem that is embarrassing and uncomfortable but not life-threatening.
Still, the results are expected to bolster a likely bid by the vaccine's manufacturer — Merck & Co. Inc. — to begin marketing the vaccine to boys, experts said. Merck plans to ask the government for that approval later this year.
"This opens the door to a wonderful opportunity to prevent illness," said Anna Giuliano, a Tampa-based researcher who worked on the Merck-funded study. She is an epidemiologist at the H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa.
The results of the study were to be presented Thursday at a medical conference in Europe.
The focus was Merck's vaccine, Gardasil, which is given in three doses over six months and is priced at about $375.
The vaccine targets the two types of HPV, or human papillomavirus, believed to be responsible for about 70 percent of cervical cancer cases, and two other types that cause most genital warts. HPV is spread through sex.
In 2006, the U.S. government licensed the vaccine for use in girls and women ages 9 to 26. Males can spread the virus, but it was not licensed for them because there was no evidence it prevented disease in men.
Though about 40 other countries have approved the vaccine for males, there still is no medical proof Gardasil prevents penile cancer or other HPV-associated cancers in men. There also is no evidence the vaccine prevents the spread of HPV from men to women.
The new Merck study involved about 4,000 males ages 16 to 26. The study was done in nearly 20 countries, and included more than 1,000 males in the United States.
It showed the vaccine was 90 percent effective in preventing genital warts, with only 15 cases of persistent infection in a vaccinated group of males as compared to 101 cases in a group that was given a fake vaccine.
The results are "very exciting," but it's not clear they will be enough to persuade many American families to get their teenage boys vaccinated, said Dr. Maura Gillison, an HPV researcher at Johns Hopkins University who was not involved in the Merck study.
She noted that only 1 in 4 girls have gotten the vaccine so far, despite compelling medical studies that indicate the shots prevent female cancers.
"When parents are sitting in a room discussing with a pediatrician whether to vaccinate their child against anything, they'd like to know what the potential benefit is. A parent might say 'I'm not inclined to vaccinate my child to prevent a benign genital wart,'" she said.
Government officials have been awaiting this interim analysis from Merck, and are eager to see additional information that may come later on the vaccine's effect on precancerous lesions, said Dr. Lauri Markowitz, an HPV expert at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
"It's obviously encouraging data but the policy makers will be looking at variety of different issues," including how cost effective the shot would be if used in males, said Markowitz, a medical epidemiologist.
HPV causes at least 20,000 cases of cancer each year, with about a quarter of them occurring in men, according to CDC estimates. Cervical cancer is the most common type, but HPV-associated cancers of the vulva, vagina, anus, penis and head and neck also occur.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Sky-high HDB rents over?
THEY are the next segment of the local property market to be hit by the global financial crisis.
Rents of Housing Board flats, which have been climbing steadily, largely on demand from foreigners squeezed out of the private homes market, are up only slightly in the third quarter even as rents of private homes fell.
But property experts say HDB rents have likely peaked. They will hold steady for the next several months before they begin to crack from the pressure of falling rents in the private homes market.
'Any decline in private rents is going to contribute to the downward slide in HDB rents, but it may take a few months for the impact to filter down,' said Knight Frank's director of research and consultancy Nicholas Mak.
The pressure is already starting to show: Rents for HDB flats have shown smaller increases in the third quarter.
Median rents for five-room flats have risen by $100 every quarter this year to $2,000 in the third. But median rents for three-room flats remained unchanged at $1,500 in the three-month period to Sept 30 while median rents for four-room flats showed a smaller $50 rise to $1,800, from $1,750 in the second quarter and $1,600 in the first.
Private home rents are expected to continue dropping given the weaker economic outlook, particularly as supply is expected to rise next year when more developments are completed, experts say.
HSR Property Group executive director Eric Cheng says HDB rents are likely to stay stable for the next few months until the gap between private home rents and HDB rents starts to narrow.
There are now 21,400 HDB flats approved for subletting, up from 20,200 in the second quarter. But HDB subletting deals fell 4 per cent to 3,960 cases in the third quarter.
ERA Asia-Pacific's assistant vice-president Eugene Lim said: 'Next year, when tenancies are up for renewal, you will see rentals coming down.'
If landlords do not lower rents, their tenants may switch over to private apartments as the price differential between the two types of property narrows.
'It's the push-down effect as those pushed out of the private market go to the HDB market,' said ERA's Mr Lim.
Government data shows private home rents surged dramatically by 41.2 per cent last year, with rents for non-landed homes in suburban areas up 41.9 per cent.
An HDB property agent, who wanted to be known only as Chui, said sentiment in the HDB market has been slightly hit by the gloomy economic outlook and there is more 'tenant resistance'.
'HDB rents have come down a bit. For three-room flats, it is still not a problem getting tenants to pay $1,400 to $1,600 a month, but maybe not above that.'
Unit size and location play a big part in determining HDB rents, given that there is a renters' threshold, said PropNex chief executive Mohamed Ismail.
'A small three-room flat in a good location can get more than $2,000 but an executive flat in the same location may not command even $3,000,' he said.
'The threshold for HDB flats is around $2,500. Beyond that, people will go for condos with facilities.'
HDB flat owners can rent out their entire unit after occupying it for three years. This minimum occupation period rises to five years if they have a subsidy or housing grant.
Mr Alan Wong rented out his 67 sq-m three-room HDB flat in Kallang last month for a whopping $2,100 a month.
'It's a family from China. They are permanent residents, professionals, and have a daughter studying in a school nearby,' he said.
But he is one of the lucky few. HDB data shows median rents for three-room flats in the Kallang/Whampoa area at $1,500.
Currently, three-room flats in the central area, Bukit Merah and Marine Parade command the highest rents among HDB towns.
Still, rents of Marine Parade three-roomers have fallen from $1,750 in the second quarter to $1,700 in the third.
Rents of Housing Board flats, which have been climbing steadily, largely on demand from foreigners squeezed out of the private homes market, are up only slightly in the third quarter even as rents of private homes fell.
But property experts say HDB rents have likely peaked. They will hold steady for the next several months before they begin to crack from the pressure of falling rents in the private homes market.
'Any decline in private rents is going to contribute to the downward slide in HDB rents, but it may take a few months for the impact to filter down,' said Knight Frank's director of research and consultancy Nicholas Mak.
The pressure is already starting to show: Rents for HDB flats have shown smaller increases in the third quarter.
Median rents for five-room flats have risen by $100 every quarter this year to $2,000 in the third. But median rents for three-room flats remained unchanged at $1,500 in the three-month period to Sept 30 while median rents for four-room flats showed a smaller $50 rise to $1,800, from $1,750 in the second quarter and $1,600 in the first.
Private home rents are expected to continue dropping given the weaker economic outlook, particularly as supply is expected to rise next year when more developments are completed, experts say.
HSR Property Group executive director Eric Cheng says HDB rents are likely to stay stable for the next few months until the gap between private home rents and HDB rents starts to narrow.
There are now 21,400 HDB flats approved for subletting, up from 20,200 in the second quarter. But HDB subletting deals fell 4 per cent to 3,960 cases in the third quarter.
ERA Asia-Pacific's assistant vice-president Eugene Lim said: 'Next year, when tenancies are up for renewal, you will see rentals coming down.'
If landlords do not lower rents, their tenants may switch over to private apartments as the price differential between the two types of property narrows.
'It's the push-down effect as those pushed out of the private market go to the HDB market,' said ERA's Mr Lim.
Government data shows private home rents surged dramatically by 41.2 per cent last year, with rents for non-landed homes in suburban areas up 41.9 per cent.
An HDB property agent, who wanted to be known only as Chui, said sentiment in the HDB market has been slightly hit by the gloomy economic outlook and there is more 'tenant resistance'.
'HDB rents have come down a bit. For three-room flats, it is still not a problem getting tenants to pay $1,400 to $1,600 a month, but maybe not above that.'
Unit size and location play a big part in determining HDB rents, given that there is a renters' threshold, said PropNex chief executive Mohamed Ismail.
'A small three-room flat in a good location can get more than $2,000 but an executive flat in the same location may not command even $3,000,' he said.
'The threshold for HDB flats is around $2,500. Beyond that, people will go for condos with facilities.'
HDB flat owners can rent out their entire unit after occupying it for three years. This minimum occupation period rises to five years if they have a subsidy or housing grant.
Mr Alan Wong rented out his 67 sq-m three-room HDB flat in Kallang last month for a whopping $2,100 a month.
'It's a family from China. They are permanent residents, professionals, and have a daughter studying in a school nearby,' he said.
But he is one of the lucky few. HDB data shows median rents for three-room flats in the Kallang/Whampoa area at $1,500.
Currently, three-room flats in the central area, Bukit Merah and Marine Parade command the highest rents among HDB towns.
Still, rents of Marine Parade three-roomers have fallen from $1,750 in the second quarter to $1,700 in the third.
Sub-prime crisis possible in Singapore
When Ministry of National Development announced last week that it was suspending sales of state land through the confirmed list till June next year, jubilant developers lauded the swiftness of the government action that will hopefully stem the poor sentiment in the property market.
Some developers were also hopeful that the government will reintroduce the Deferred Payment Scheme (DPS), which was scrapped in October last year to deter speculation.
Under DPS, home buyers had to pay only 10 per cent, or more typically 20 per cent, of the price of the residential property they bought from developers.
The next payment would be made when the project was completed, perhaps two to three years down the road. Very often, buyers could make the 10-20 per cent initial downpayment using cash and CPF savings, without having to commit to a bank loan, which could be delayed till the project was closer to completion, when the bulk of the purchase price had to be paid to the developer.
Under a normal progress payment scheme, buyers have to secure a housing loan much sooner, as they are billed by the developer in stages, according to the progress of the project's construction.
When DPS was scrapped in October 2007, many industry watchers said it had come too late as sentiment in the Singapore property market had already started to soften with the onset of the US sub-prime crisis.
The head of a big property consulting group estimated that in some instances, up to 70 per cent of foreign buyers in luxury residential projects bought on deferred payment schemes in 2006-2007.
And now, most property agents agree that restoring the scheme will help bring some buyers back into the market, especially foreign buyers - although not in as great a number as during the height of property fever in early 2007.
The head of a big property consulting group estimated that in some instances, up to 70 per cent of foreign buyers in luxury residential projects bought on deferred payment schemes in 2006-2007.
Buyers have to pay up to 5 per cent more under the DPS compared with the normal progress payment scheme. Yet the ease of making a small initial downpayment made buying attractive for speculators eyeing huge gains from disposing of their properties before the projects were completed.
However, other market watchers and analysts say a restoration of DPS could potentially create Singapore's own version of a sub-prime crisis.
When home buyers purchase a property on DPS, without committing to any bank loan, there is no credit assessment done to see if they have the means to complete the purchase. So this scheme could draw less credit-worthy buyers who may have difficulty securing housing loans later when it is time to pay up.
If substantial numbers of buyers default and return their units to the developer, the banks that had extended loans to the developers may not be too happy.
'The land loan and construction loan may be required to be priced differently because the risk has increased,' as Savills Singapore's director of marketing and business development Ku Swee Yong puts it.
Agreeing, the head of the major property consulting group said: 'There will be implications for banks' exposure to property loans extended to developers, and that was probably a major reason the authorities considered in scrapping DPS in the first instance.'
To be sure, DPS is helpful to genuine home buyers. For instance, an HDB upgrader who buys a private home under construction would prefer to sell his existing HDB flat only when the private condo he's moving into has been completed; so DPS helps him to tide over until then, says Mr Ku.
But market watchers point out that DPS - because it does not entail credit checks - also has a tendency to draw speculators. 'There's a penchant for optimism, especially among the young. Whereas if you take a housing loan, you will be psychologically more aware of your financial obligations and tend to be more careful,' says a property veteran.
To cut this risk of fuelling speculation, the DPS could be reincarnated but with modifications, suggests Savills' Mr Ku. For one, home buyers making a purchase under the DPS could be required to sign up for a housing loan first, even if they need to make a drawdown only a few years later. 'That way, the credit assessment is done upfront. And secondly, such home buyers will have to pay a penalty to the bank in the form of an admin charge of $3,000 to $6,000 if they decide to sell their property before the project is completed and not use the home loan or if they make an early repayment,' Mr Ku says.
Another way to reduce the negative effects of DPS is to raise the initial payment from 10-20 per cent previously to 30 per cent, Mr Ku suggests. 'That way, the developer would have collected more equity and that will provide a bigger cushion to protect the developer as well as its banks in the event of a default by buyers not able to hold on to their units,' he adds.
Then there's another view. The government should continue to keep DPS at bay and instead leave banks to offer innovative housing loans to home buyers that replicate the benefits of DPS - if it makes commercial sense to them. The interest absorption and zero instalment schemes offered by some banks highlighted in a BT article in September allow buyers to make a 20 per cent downpayment and then nothing until the project is completed.
Under such schemes, buyers have to sign up for a bank loan for the property, thus entailing a credit-worthiness check to ensure they are not dabbling in properties beyond their means. Afterall, nobody wants a sub-prime crisis here.
Some developers were also hopeful that the government will reintroduce the Deferred Payment Scheme (DPS), which was scrapped in October last year to deter speculation.
Under DPS, home buyers had to pay only 10 per cent, or more typically 20 per cent, of the price of the residential property they bought from developers.
The next payment would be made when the project was completed, perhaps two to three years down the road. Very often, buyers could make the 10-20 per cent initial downpayment using cash and CPF savings, without having to commit to a bank loan, which could be delayed till the project was closer to completion, when the bulk of the purchase price had to be paid to the developer.
Under a normal progress payment scheme, buyers have to secure a housing loan much sooner, as they are billed by the developer in stages, according to the progress of the project's construction.
When DPS was scrapped in October 2007, many industry watchers said it had come too late as sentiment in the Singapore property market had already started to soften with the onset of the US sub-prime crisis.
The head of a big property consulting group estimated that in some instances, up to 70 per cent of foreign buyers in luxury residential projects bought on deferred payment schemes in 2006-2007.
And now, most property agents agree that restoring the scheme will help bring some buyers back into the market, especially foreign buyers - although not in as great a number as during the height of property fever in early 2007.
The head of a big property consulting group estimated that in some instances, up to 70 per cent of foreign buyers in luxury residential projects bought on deferred payment schemes in 2006-2007.
Buyers have to pay up to 5 per cent more under the DPS compared with the normal progress payment scheme. Yet the ease of making a small initial downpayment made buying attractive for speculators eyeing huge gains from disposing of their properties before the projects were completed.
However, other market watchers and analysts say a restoration of DPS could potentially create Singapore's own version of a sub-prime crisis.
When home buyers purchase a property on DPS, without committing to any bank loan, there is no credit assessment done to see if they have the means to complete the purchase. So this scheme could draw less credit-worthy buyers who may have difficulty securing housing loans later when it is time to pay up.
If substantial numbers of buyers default and return their units to the developer, the banks that had extended loans to the developers may not be too happy.
'The land loan and construction loan may be required to be priced differently because the risk has increased,' as Savills Singapore's director of marketing and business development Ku Swee Yong puts it.
Agreeing, the head of the major property consulting group said: 'There will be implications for banks' exposure to property loans extended to developers, and that was probably a major reason the authorities considered in scrapping DPS in the first instance.'
To be sure, DPS is helpful to genuine home buyers. For instance, an HDB upgrader who buys a private home under construction would prefer to sell his existing HDB flat only when the private condo he's moving into has been completed; so DPS helps him to tide over until then, says Mr Ku.
But market watchers point out that DPS - because it does not entail credit checks - also has a tendency to draw speculators. 'There's a penchant for optimism, especially among the young. Whereas if you take a housing loan, you will be psychologically more aware of your financial obligations and tend to be more careful,' says a property veteran.
To cut this risk of fuelling speculation, the DPS could be reincarnated but with modifications, suggests Savills' Mr Ku. For one, home buyers making a purchase under the DPS could be required to sign up for a housing loan first, even if they need to make a drawdown only a few years later. 'That way, the credit assessment is done upfront. And secondly, such home buyers will have to pay a penalty to the bank in the form of an admin charge of $3,000 to $6,000 if they decide to sell their property before the project is completed and not use the home loan or if they make an early repayment,' Mr Ku says.
Another way to reduce the negative effects of DPS is to raise the initial payment from 10-20 per cent previously to 30 per cent, Mr Ku suggests. 'That way, the developer would have collected more equity and that will provide a bigger cushion to protect the developer as well as its banks in the event of a default by buyers not able to hold on to their units,' he adds.
Then there's another view. The government should continue to keep DPS at bay and instead leave banks to offer innovative housing loans to home buyers that replicate the benefits of DPS - if it makes commercial sense to them. The interest absorption and zero instalment schemes offered by some banks highlighted in a BT article in September allow buyers to make a 20 per cent downpayment and then nothing until the project is completed.
Under such schemes, buyers have to sign up for a bank loan for the property, thus entailing a credit-worthiness check to ensure they are not dabbling in properties beyond their means. Afterall, nobody wants a sub-prime crisis here.
More giving up luxury timepieces
A banker, who wanted to be known only as John, trudged into a second-hand watch shop two days ago carrying a prized $4,000 Gerald Genta timepiece.
There, the young man, his year-end bonus under siege from Singapore's economic slowdown, sold the watch for a song.
It was the third time in two months that John, who is in his 30s, had been forced to part with a timepiece from his five-watch collection, which had cost him more than $20,000.
'In these times, you start getting rid of things in surplus and keep only those things you really need,' he said.
John is among a growing number of high-fliers who are unloading their luxury watches for cash as Singapore's economy enters its first recession in six years.
"In these times, you start getting rid of things in surplus and keep only those things you really need."
Banker John, who recently sold his $4,000 Gerald Genta watch. It is the third watch he has given up from his $20,000 five-watch collection.Second-hand watch shops have been flooded with brands ranging from Rolex to the ultra-high-end Patek Philippe as bankers, stockbrokers and other battered business heavyweights face stark financial choices.
Economists say this is one of the first signs that Singapore's upper crust is feeling the pinch of the economic downturn, which has already forced lower-income families to tighten their belts.
'It is symptomatic of white-collar stress and definitely means things are more widespread than before,' said Barclays Capital economist Leong Wai Ho. 'People are getting rid of luxuries they don't need.'
A Straits Times check with 10 second-hand watch stores found that half have seen an increase in people looking to hawk their luxury timepieces in the past four months. In some stores, the number of sellers has jumped 30 per cent.
'People are selling the expensive watches they bought during better times,' said Mr Jonathan Tee, 34, who owns Passions at Funan DigitaLife Mall.
Mr Tee has seen his stock rise 20 per cent in the past two months. He also said 50 per cent more customers are choosing to sell their watches directly to him instead of by consignment. The latter arrangement sees Mr Tee paying the sellers only after the timepieces have been snapped up.
'This means they want fast cash and care less that they will get lower returns,' he said.
While supply has risen, second-hand watch dealers are facing plummeting demand as Singaporeans rein in spending.
Owners of all 10 specialist stores that The Straits Times spoke to reported business dropping during the last four months, sometimes by up to 50 per cent.
'Now, buying second-hand watches from people is easy, but selling is tough. I have so many surplus watches,' said Ms Lucy Ong, owner of Branded Concept at Far East Plaza.
Many expect the situation will only get worse as forecasts warn of a deep global recession.
"Now, buying second-hand watches from people is easy, but selling is tough. I have so many surplus watches."
Ms Lucy Ong, owner of Branded Concept at Far East Plaza
The problems mark a precipitous drop for an industry that has blossomed in the past two decades. Industry players say there were just three makeshift second-hand luxury watch shops in the 1980s; today there are over 20. They deal in everything from a $480 gold-plated Bulova to a $95,000 Audemars Piguet Tourbillon.
Most buyers and sellers are white-collar workers from the financial sector - the group that has been hit the hardest by plunging stock markets and the contraction of credit markets.
Businessman Peter Poh, who has three watches worth $33,000, is one of those affected. The 43-year-old, who distributes IT products, is facing the prospect of having to sell his collection.
'Business has slowed by about 15 per cent in the last few months. Watches are luxury items. I can part with them,' he said stoically.
There, the young man, his year-end bonus under siege from Singapore's economic slowdown, sold the watch for a song.
It was the third time in two months that John, who is in his 30s, had been forced to part with a timepiece from his five-watch collection, which had cost him more than $20,000.
'In these times, you start getting rid of things in surplus and keep only those things you really need,' he said.
John is among a growing number of high-fliers who are unloading their luxury watches for cash as Singapore's economy enters its first recession in six years.
"In these times, you start getting rid of things in surplus and keep only those things you really need."
Banker John, who recently sold his $4,000 Gerald Genta watch. It is the third watch he has given up from his $20,000 five-watch collection.Second-hand watch shops have been flooded with brands ranging from Rolex to the ultra-high-end Patek Philippe as bankers, stockbrokers and other battered business heavyweights face stark financial choices.
Economists say this is one of the first signs that Singapore's upper crust is feeling the pinch of the economic downturn, which has already forced lower-income families to tighten their belts.
'It is symptomatic of white-collar stress and definitely means things are more widespread than before,' said Barclays Capital economist Leong Wai Ho. 'People are getting rid of luxuries they don't need.'
A Straits Times check with 10 second-hand watch stores found that half have seen an increase in people looking to hawk their luxury timepieces in the past four months. In some stores, the number of sellers has jumped 30 per cent.
'People are selling the expensive watches they bought during better times,' said Mr Jonathan Tee, 34, who owns Passions at Funan DigitaLife Mall.
Mr Tee has seen his stock rise 20 per cent in the past two months. He also said 50 per cent more customers are choosing to sell their watches directly to him instead of by consignment. The latter arrangement sees Mr Tee paying the sellers only after the timepieces have been snapped up.
'This means they want fast cash and care less that they will get lower returns,' he said.
While supply has risen, second-hand watch dealers are facing plummeting demand as Singaporeans rein in spending.
Owners of all 10 specialist stores that The Straits Times spoke to reported business dropping during the last four months, sometimes by up to 50 per cent.
'Now, buying second-hand watches from people is easy, but selling is tough. I have so many surplus watches,' said Ms Lucy Ong, owner of Branded Concept at Far East Plaza.
Many expect the situation will only get worse as forecasts warn of a deep global recession.
"Now, buying second-hand watches from people is easy, but selling is tough. I have so many surplus watches."
Ms Lucy Ong, owner of Branded Concept at Far East Plaza
The problems mark a precipitous drop for an industry that has blossomed in the past two decades. Industry players say there were just three makeshift second-hand luxury watch shops in the 1980s; today there are over 20. They deal in everything from a $480 gold-plated Bulova to a $95,000 Audemars Piguet Tourbillon.
Most buyers and sellers are white-collar workers from the financial sector - the group that has been hit the hardest by plunging stock markets and the contraction of credit markets.
Businessman Peter Poh, who has three watches worth $33,000, is one of those affected. The 43-year-old, who distributes IT products, is facing the prospect of having to sell his collection.
'Business has slowed by about 15 per cent in the last few months. Watches are luxury items. I can part with them,' he said stoically.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
7 Things You Don't Know About Green Tea
By now, we know that drinking green tea is undoubtedly good for our bodies. The antioxidant and free-radical scavenging properties of green tea have made it a must-have for the health conscious and numerous studies highlight the potential benefits of green tea including cancer prevention and weight loss.
But green tea isn’t just a delicious and healthful drink; it can also be used as an at-home health and beauty remedy. Read on to find out 7 surprising things you didn’t know about green tea
1. It can reduce puffy peepers: Stayed out too late last night? Soaking a cotton pad in green tea and placing it over eyes for 10 minutes can reduce the puffiness of tired eyes, making you look revitalized and refreshed.
2. It can soothe skin: Spent a little too much time in the sun? Use the naturally calming properties of green tea to soothe sunburned skin. Place green tea in a spray bottle and mist on sunburned areas for all-natural relief. Because it has anti-bacterial qualities, green tea can also be used as an antiseptic to spray on skin blemishes or irritations.
3. It’s great for teeth: Green tea has fluoride in it, making it a superstar for keeping gums and teeth healthy. Green tea can even be used as a mouthwash to maintain breath.
4. It can soothe sore throats: The anti-viral effects of green tea make it an excellent remedy to help prevent the effects of a cold or flu. In fact, you can gargle with green tea to soothe a sore throat.
5. It’s good for the bones: Naturally high in minerals, green tea aids in strong bone density, which is important for maintaining good posture.
6. It’s a room deodorizer: Green tea leaves have traditionally been used to naturally absorb odors in a room. Place tea leaves in a bowl to help absorb unpleasant odors or leave some in the fridge in place of baking soda.
7. It’s good for the feet: Soaking tired feet in green tea can prevent unpleasant fungal infections.
But green tea isn’t just a delicious and healthful drink; it can also be used as an at-home health and beauty remedy. Read on to find out 7 surprising things you didn’t know about green tea
1. It can reduce puffy peepers: Stayed out too late last night? Soaking a cotton pad in green tea and placing it over eyes for 10 minutes can reduce the puffiness of tired eyes, making you look revitalized and refreshed.
2. It can soothe skin: Spent a little too much time in the sun? Use the naturally calming properties of green tea to soothe sunburned skin. Place green tea in a spray bottle and mist on sunburned areas for all-natural relief. Because it has anti-bacterial qualities, green tea can also be used as an antiseptic to spray on skin blemishes or irritations.
3. It’s great for teeth: Green tea has fluoride in it, making it a superstar for keeping gums and teeth healthy. Green tea can even be used as a mouthwash to maintain breath.
4. It can soothe sore throats: The anti-viral effects of green tea make it an excellent remedy to help prevent the effects of a cold or flu. In fact, you can gargle with green tea to soothe a sore throat.
5. It’s good for the bones: Naturally high in minerals, green tea aids in strong bone density, which is important for maintaining good posture.
6. It’s a room deodorizer: Green tea leaves have traditionally been used to naturally absorb odors in a room. Place tea leaves in a bowl to help absorb unpleasant odors or leave some in the fridge in place of baking soda.
7. It’s good for the feet: Soaking tired feet in green tea can prevent unpleasant fungal infections.
Her cheatin' heart
MENTION the word "adultery" and chances are, the men always come to mind.
But no more.
It seems that more women are cheating on their spouses - nearly as many as men, reported the International Herald Tribune.
Researchers from the University of Washington found that infidelity is on the rise, and notably, women are closing the adultery gap.
Younger women are also cheating on their spouses nearly as often as men.
The research showed that the lifetime rate of infidelity for men over 60 increased from 20 per cent in 1991 to 28 per cent in 2006. But for women over 60, the increase is even more striking - up from 5 per cent to 15 per cent in that same period.
Mr David Atkins, research associate professor at the University of Washington Centre said: "If you just ask whether infidelity is going up, you don't see really impressive changes.
"But if you magnify the picture and you start looking at specific gender and age cohorts, we do start to see some pretty significant changes."
The researchers also said they saw big changes in relatively new marriages.
About 20 per cent of men and 15 per cent of women under 35 say they have been unfaithful, up from about 15 per cent and 12 per cent respectively, according to that report.
In Singapore, private investigators we spoke to also noticed that more women are cheating on their spouses.
Private investigator Deborah de Souza said that she has seen more men coming forward to engage their services to spy on their partners.
"I used to see only one or two such cases a month about eight years ago. But now, I see about four to five such cases every month," said Ms de Souza.
Often, these women know the third party through work. Those who are not working usually form such relationships online, she said.
The reasons for cheating include women being neglected by their husbands and changing perception about divorces.
Said Ms de Souza: "Women these days are also more vocal, more empowered and perhaps more bold.
What women want
"Relationships don't spring from nothing. These women know what they want. And if they can't get it from their husbands, they'll find someone else."
The number of divorces and annulments in Singapore has also grown over the years. It rose from 6,388 in 2004 to 7,226 last year, according to the Singapore's Department of Statistics.
The top three reasons for divorce among non-Muslims were living apart/ separation, unreasonable behaviour and adultery.
Adultery, which counted for 3.7 per cent of the divorces in 1997, dropped to 1.7 per cent last year. For the husband, the figure dropped from 3.9 per cent to 1.8 per cent. For the wife, it dipped from 3.6 per cent to 1.7 per cent.
But Ms de Souza said that these numbers do not necessarily say everything.
She said that in divorce cases, both parties will usually go for an uncontested divorce and ask for a separation instead.
She explained: "When you're in such a situation, both parties usually don't want to wash their dirty linen in public. So, they'll agree on a separation.
"And for a guy, for pride or ego reasons, they're even less inclined to blow it up and give 'adultery' as the reason for the divorce."
In US, even online pornography has been blamed for rising infidelity cases.
The increasing availability of such pornography, which has been shown to affect sexual attitudes and perceptions of "normal" behaviour, may be playing a role in rising infidelity among younger couples.
Even newer drugs and treatments like Viagra and other remedies for erectile dysfunction, estrogen and testosterone supplements also spur infidelity.
These treatments are making it easier to be sexual, and in some cases unfaithful, especially for older folks.
But researchers also questioned if the historical gap between men and women is real or if women have just been more likely to lie about it.
Ms Helen Fisher, research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, said: "Men want to think women don't cheat, and women want men to think they don't cheat, and therefore the sexes have been playing a little psychological game with each other."
But no more.
It seems that more women are cheating on their spouses - nearly as many as men, reported the International Herald Tribune.
Researchers from the University of Washington found that infidelity is on the rise, and notably, women are closing the adultery gap.
Younger women are also cheating on their spouses nearly as often as men.
The research showed that the lifetime rate of infidelity for men over 60 increased from 20 per cent in 1991 to 28 per cent in 2006. But for women over 60, the increase is even more striking - up from 5 per cent to 15 per cent in that same period.
Mr David Atkins, research associate professor at the University of Washington Centre said: "If you just ask whether infidelity is going up, you don't see really impressive changes.
"But if you magnify the picture and you start looking at specific gender and age cohorts, we do start to see some pretty significant changes."
The researchers also said they saw big changes in relatively new marriages.
About 20 per cent of men and 15 per cent of women under 35 say they have been unfaithful, up from about 15 per cent and 12 per cent respectively, according to that report.
In Singapore, private investigators we spoke to also noticed that more women are cheating on their spouses.
Private investigator Deborah de Souza said that she has seen more men coming forward to engage their services to spy on their partners.
"I used to see only one or two such cases a month about eight years ago. But now, I see about four to five such cases every month," said Ms de Souza.
Often, these women know the third party through work. Those who are not working usually form such relationships online, she said.
The reasons for cheating include women being neglected by their husbands and changing perception about divorces.
Said Ms de Souza: "Women these days are also more vocal, more empowered and perhaps more bold.
What women want
"Relationships don't spring from nothing. These women know what they want. And if they can't get it from their husbands, they'll find someone else."
The number of divorces and annulments in Singapore has also grown over the years. It rose from 6,388 in 2004 to 7,226 last year, according to the Singapore's Department of Statistics.
The top three reasons for divorce among non-Muslims were living apart/ separation, unreasonable behaviour and adultery.
Adultery, which counted for 3.7 per cent of the divorces in 1997, dropped to 1.7 per cent last year. For the husband, the figure dropped from 3.9 per cent to 1.8 per cent. For the wife, it dipped from 3.6 per cent to 1.7 per cent.
But Ms de Souza said that these numbers do not necessarily say everything.
She said that in divorce cases, both parties will usually go for an uncontested divorce and ask for a separation instead.
She explained: "When you're in such a situation, both parties usually don't want to wash their dirty linen in public. So, they'll agree on a separation.
"And for a guy, for pride or ego reasons, they're even less inclined to blow it up and give 'adultery' as the reason for the divorce."
In US, even online pornography has been blamed for rising infidelity cases.
The increasing availability of such pornography, which has been shown to affect sexual attitudes and perceptions of "normal" behaviour, may be playing a role in rising infidelity among younger couples.
Even newer drugs and treatments like Viagra and other remedies for erectile dysfunction, estrogen and testosterone supplements also spur infidelity.
These treatments are making it easier to be sexual, and in some cases unfaithful, especially for older folks.
But researchers also questioned if the historical gap between men and women is real or if women have just been more likely to lie about it.
Ms Helen Fisher, research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, said: "Men want to think women don't cheat, and women want men to think they don't cheat, and therefore the sexes have been playing a little psychological game with each other."
Saturday, November 1, 2008
第三季私宅价指数跌2.4％
全球金融风暴所刮起的滔天巨浪，已几乎全线冲击到我国的房地产市场。不但是高档私宅价格，就连中低档私宅、办公楼，以及商店的价格和租金，也都在今年第三季扭转风向，出现自2004年以来的第一次下跌。
市区重建局昨天发表的数据显示，今年第三季私宅价格指数由177.5点下滑至173.3点，跌幅达2.4％。这比本月初预估的下跌1.8％来得严重。这也是新加坡私宅价格指数在连续上涨了17个季度，或四年多后，首次下滑。
在所有领域中，只有工业房地产仍逆流而上，甚至是办公楼和商店的价格和租金，也终于抵受不住风暴的侵袭，第一次滑落。今年第三季，办公楼价格和租金分别下跌了3.9％和0.8％，商店价格和租金则分别下跌了0.3％和0.6％。
高力（Colliers)国际研究部主管郑惠匀说：“（9月发生的一连串金融事件导致）市场的信心和情绪深受震撼，所有领域和持有目的的房地产需求都全线消退，早已显露疲态的价格和租金终于再也守不住防线。”
房地产分析员相信，这只是一个开始，本地房地产价格和租金将在未来几个月进一步下跌。
房价与办公楼租金 跌势仍将持续
展望第四季，分析员认为，本地私宅价格还会继续下跌2％至5％。办公楼租金则未来一年可能每季下滑3％至5％。
世邦魏理仕(CB Richard Ellis)执行董事李晓和估计，第四季的私宅价格可能继续下滑2％至4％。麦俊荣则预测，2008年全年的私宅价格可能下跌0％至3％。
郑惠匀解释，这场金融大风暴导致数以亿元的资金从股票和信贷市场中蒸发掉，因此国际投资者将持谨慎的态度，避开房地产投资。再加上新加坡已成为亚洲第一个陷入技术性经济衰退的国家，买家的信心将进一步削弱，对“房事”更为小心。
她估计：“私宅价格将在今年最后一季，甚至到2009年都走软。2008年全年，私宅价格可能下跌2％至4％。”
过去四年多，本地的楼市都由中高档私宅带动上扬，现在也同样由这两个领域带动下滑。代表豪宅价格的CRC指数在第三季下跌2.7％了，其中未完工的楼花跌得更严重(3.6％)。代表中档楼价的RCR指数则跌2.4％。代表大众化领域的OCR指数，因为有组屋转售市场支撑，所以只跌1.5％。
不过，在租金方面，却是大众化共管公寓下跌得比中高档共管公寓来得厉害。大众化公寓的租金下跌了2.7％，但中高档公寓的租金只下滑了0.5％至0.7％。
郑惠匀认为，这可能是因为最近几个月有好几个高档豪宅项目完工，协助扶持了租金市场。这包括滨海舫(The Sail)、都市名苑(The Cosmopolitan)、The Azure，以及巴德申居(Paterson Residences)。
唯一逆流向上的是独立式洋房，该领域的租金仍然攀升了0.6％。李晓和认为，这可能是因为独立洋房的供应有限。
今年第三季，发展商将2244个私宅单位推出市场销售，但只有1558个找到买家。这带动今年首三季推出的私宅单位达到5401个，只有去年同期的44％。今年首三季卖出的私宅单位更少，只有3845个，这相等于去年同时期的29％。
李晓和相信，接下来的房地产买卖活动还会继续放缓，这或许是因为屋主不容易安排房贷，也可能是因为买家期望价格会进一步下跌。
他估计，只有1000至1400个新私宅单位能在今年第四季找到买家，这意味2008年的私宅市场“消化能力”只会达到4845至5245个新私宅单位，是自2003年以来最差的一年。
市区重建局昨天发表的数据显示，今年第三季私宅价格指数由177.5点下滑至173.3点，跌幅达2.4％。这比本月初预估的下跌1.8％来得严重。这也是新加坡私宅价格指数在连续上涨了17个季度，或四年多后，首次下滑。
在所有领域中，只有工业房地产仍逆流而上，甚至是办公楼和商店的价格和租金，也终于抵受不住风暴的侵袭，第一次滑落。今年第三季，办公楼价格和租金分别下跌了3.9％和0.8％，商店价格和租金则分别下跌了0.3％和0.6％。
高力（Colliers)国际研究部主管郑惠匀说：“（9月发生的一连串金融事件导致）市场的信心和情绪深受震撼，所有领域和持有目的的房地产需求都全线消退，早已显露疲态的价格和租金终于再也守不住防线。”
房地产分析员相信，这只是一个开始，本地房地产价格和租金将在未来几个月进一步下跌。
房价与办公楼租金 跌势仍将持续
展望第四季，分析员认为，本地私宅价格还会继续下跌2％至5％。办公楼租金则未来一年可能每季下滑3％至5％。
世邦魏理仕(CB Richard Ellis)执行董事李晓和估计，第四季的私宅价格可能继续下滑2％至4％。麦俊荣则预测，2008年全年的私宅价格可能下跌0％至3％。
郑惠匀解释，这场金融大风暴导致数以亿元的资金从股票和信贷市场中蒸发掉，因此国际投资者将持谨慎的态度，避开房地产投资。再加上新加坡已成为亚洲第一个陷入技术性经济衰退的国家，买家的信心将进一步削弱，对“房事”更为小心。
她估计：“私宅价格将在今年最后一季，甚至到2009年都走软。2008年全年，私宅价格可能下跌2％至4％。”
过去四年多，本地的楼市都由中高档私宅带动上扬，现在也同样由这两个领域带动下滑。代表豪宅价格的CRC指数在第三季下跌2.7％了，其中未完工的楼花跌得更严重(3.6％)。代表中档楼价的RCR指数则跌2.4％。代表大众化领域的OCR指数，因为有组屋转售市场支撑，所以只跌1.5％。
不过，在租金方面，却是大众化共管公寓下跌得比中高档共管公寓来得厉害。大众化公寓的租金下跌了2.7％，但中高档公寓的租金只下滑了0.5％至0.7％。
郑惠匀认为，这可能是因为最近几个月有好几个高档豪宅项目完工，协助扶持了租金市场。这包括滨海舫(The Sail)、都市名苑(The Cosmopolitan)、The Azure，以及巴德申居(Paterson Residences)。
唯一逆流向上的是独立式洋房，该领域的租金仍然攀升了0.6％。李晓和认为，这可能是因为独立洋房的供应有限。
今年第三季，发展商将2244个私宅单位推出市场销售，但只有1558个找到买家。这带动今年首三季推出的私宅单位达到5401个，只有去年同期的44％。今年首三季卖出的私宅单位更少，只有3845个，这相等于去年同时期的29％。
李晓和相信，接下来的房地产买卖活动还会继续放缓，这或许是因为屋主不容易安排房贷，也可能是因为买家期望价格会进一步下跌。
他估计，只有1000至1400个新私宅单位能在今年第四季找到买家，这意味2008年的私宅市场“消化能力”只会达到4845至5245个新私宅单位，是自2003年以来最差的一年。
年初至今下跌超过三成 未来三年完工新私宅将减1万6000个
未来三年一直被视为本地楼市的完工高峰期，但市区重建局在过去三个季度发表的房地产数据却显示，即将在2009年至2011年完工的新私宅单位一减再减，短短九个月就“不见了”1万6072个潜在供应量。
根据市建局在今年初发表的第一季报告书，原本有5万零788个新私宅单位估计会在2009年至2011年完工。随后发表的第二季报告书中，有关数据减少至4万1765个单位。到了昨天发表的第三季报告书，这个潜在供应量更进一步减少到3万4716个单位，前前后后下跌了超过三成。
这相信是因为发展商考虑到市场环境已经改变，购屋需求大跌，所以纷纷展延房地产项目的动工日期。再加上建筑业的资源已经绷得非常紧，工程进度缓慢，所以不少项目都无法在原定的时限内完成。
市建局发言人在回答本报的询问时说：“发展商可能因为各种原因而决定加速或放慢项目的建筑进度，或者修改某一些还没有动工的项目完工日期。”
他指出，2008年第三季的数据再次下跌，“可能是因为发展商基于各种原因，例如高昂的建筑成本，以及谨慎的市场情绪，而延迟展开集体出售地段的重建工程。”
这种将潜在供应量挪后的做法，导致2012年和之后完工的新私宅单位飙升了75％，由第一季报告书估计的1万7352个增加至3万零307个。这虽然有助于舒缓未来三年的供应过剩问题，不过只是将问题挪后，未来五六年的楼市的潜在供应量并没有显著改善，只是由6万8140个单位减少至6万5023个单位。
即使是在1万6072个单位延后完工后，未来三年仍然是本地楼市的完工高峰期。自2001年以来，本地每年只有六七千个新私宅单位完工——2004年和2005年的楼市低谷期例外，分别有1万1799个和8697个新私宅单位完工。
第一太平戴维斯(Savills)行销与业务开发主管邱瑞荣说，未来三年虽仍是本地楼市的完工高峰期，但情况并没有一些人想象的严重。
“办公楼的情况也一样，虽然潜在供应量有300万平方英尺，但一定会有工程延后完成，所以2010年和2011年的供应过剩情况并不是那么严重。特别是预计在2011年完工的项目，只有一半已经动工，那些还没有动工的肯定还会将工程挪后。”
过去半年来，好几家外资银行的房地产报告书都预测，本地楼价将在2010年下跌三四成，其中一个主要原因就是对未来三年供应过剩情况感到担忧。
市区重建局昨天也第一次提供潜在供应的分区情况，莱坊研究部主管麦俊荣说，数据显示，大众化私宅的潜在供应量最多，达2万3678个单位（35.6％），其次是高档私宅，达2万3008个单位（34.6％）。
“数据显示，这两个领域的单位大多都会在2011年完工，但中档领域却在未来几年只有1万9736个单位完工。”
根据市建局在今年初发表的第一季报告书，原本有5万零788个新私宅单位估计会在2009年至2011年完工。随后发表的第二季报告书中，有关数据减少至4万1765个单位。到了昨天发表的第三季报告书，这个潜在供应量更进一步减少到3万4716个单位，前前后后下跌了超过三成。
这相信是因为发展商考虑到市场环境已经改变，购屋需求大跌，所以纷纷展延房地产项目的动工日期。再加上建筑业的资源已经绷得非常紧，工程进度缓慢，所以不少项目都无法在原定的时限内完成。
市建局发言人在回答本报的询问时说：“发展商可能因为各种原因而决定加速或放慢项目的建筑进度，或者修改某一些还没有动工的项目完工日期。”
他指出，2008年第三季的数据再次下跌，“可能是因为发展商基于各种原因，例如高昂的建筑成本，以及谨慎的市场情绪，而延迟展开集体出售地段的重建工程。”
这种将潜在供应量挪后的做法，导致2012年和之后完工的新私宅单位飙升了75％，由第一季报告书估计的1万7352个增加至3万零307个。这虽然有助于舒缓未来三年的供应过剩问题，不过只是将问题挪后，未来五六年的楼市的潜在供应量并没有显著改善，只是由6万8140个单位减少至6万5023个单位。
即使是在1万6072个单位延后完工后，未来三年仍然是本地楼市的完工高峰期。自2001年以来，本地每年只有六七千个新私宅单位完工——2004年和2005年的楼市低谷期例外，分别有1万1799个和8697个新私宅单位完工。
第一太平戴维斯(Savills)行销与业务开发主管邱瑞荣说，未来三年虽仍是本地楼市的完工高峰期，但情况并没有一些人想象的严重。
“办公楼的情况也一样，虽然潜在供应量有300万平方英尺，但一定会有工程延后完成，所以2010年和2011年的供应过剩情况并不是那么严重。特别是预计在2011年完工的项目，只有一半已经动工，那些还没有动工的肯定还会将工程挪后。”
过去半年来，好几家外资银行的房地产报告书都预测，本地楼价将在2010年下跌三四成，其中一个主要原因就是对未来三年供应过剩情况感到担忧。
市区重建局昨天也第一次提供潜在供应的分区情况，莱坊研究部主管麦俊荣说，数据显示，大众化私宅的潜在供应量最多，达2万3678个单位（35.6％），其次是高档私宅，达2万3008个单位（34.6％）。
“数据显示，这两个领域的单位大多都会在2011年完工，但中档领域却在未来几年只有1万9736个单位完工。”
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