Sweaty palms? Sort of. A pounding heart? A bit. Even so, you’re still not completely sure there are sparks between you. Understandable: While it’d be nice to think that the earth moves and the angels sing when you’ve found The One, sometimes the signals that you two are truly meant for each other are much more subtle than that. Here are seven dead giveaways that singles often miss — know that if you spot one or more of them on your next date, that’s good news.
Subtle sign #1: You turn into a total klutz
So far, you’ve dropped your fork and knocked over your water glass…and that’s before the entrées have arrived. While embarrassing, these gaffes are actually a good sign. “When you have serious chemistry, your body produces elevated levels of the neurotransmitter norepinephrine,” says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University. This, in turn, can make you jittery, uncoordinated, and a little accident-prone. And if you’re embarrassed by your klutziness, that’s a good sign too! Because if you don’t care what your date thinks of you, you probably don’t think much of your date.
Subtle sign #2: You notice a tiny dent in your date’s pinkie nail
Or that your date’s hair flips up on the left but under on the right. You’ve never noticed something like that about a person before, so why now? Because when there’s true chemistry, the body’s levels of the chemical dopamine rise and lead to “imprinting,” a theory of attachment discovered by German ethologist and Nobel Prize winner Niko Tinbergen. This imprinting makes you focus on this one person more clearly and notice the tiniest, most insignificant details about a person — including possessions. Says Dr. Fisher, “Your date’s car in the parking lot looks different. His or her backpack looks different. That person’s coat on the coat rack stands out. Everything is special, novel, unique.”
Subtle sign #3: You agree to split the spinach dip appetizer — and you don’t even like spinach dip!
True chemistry makes us more mellow than usual — so don’t be surprised if you find yourself being agreeable with your date in ways you might not with anyone else: You don’t mind walking 10 blocks with your date from your parking spot. You’re suddenly up for seeing a Rob Schneider movie. And even though you’re not a fan of Indian food, what the heck, you’ll give it another shot. “When you’re falling in love, you more easily surrender your boundaries because of a strong desire to merge with that person,” explains Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Keeping the Love You Find.
Subtle sign #4: The room you’re in seems brighter than usual
Did someone nudge up the dimmer switch? Perhaps. But it could also mean you’re smitten, thanks to a physiological reaction discovered by University of Chicago biopsychologist Eckhard Hess, a pioneer in the area of “pupillometrics.” In short, Hess found that when people look at something or someone that causes positive feelings or sparks interest, their pupils dilate in an attempt to take in more of it, also letting in more light as well.
Subtle sign #5: You’re more fidgety during the date
If you find yourself stroking your own arm, tapping your leg, or otherwise fidgeting during the date, rest assured: Whether you fully know it or not, you like this person. “These are ‘displacement gestures’ — what you do when you’re trying to decide what to do with yourself,” explains Dr. Fisher. “If someone is smiling at you and you can’t decide if you should smile back or look away, you play with your hair. Or you run your tongue along your teeth.” This happens because your brain is over-stimulated, leading you to vent the extra energy with a little self-grooming. Some experts even argue that stroking your own arm or leg indicates a subconscious desire to reach out and touch the person you’re with.
Subtle sign #6: You keep forgetting there’s food on the table
When you’re out with someone who doesn’t float your boat, boy, do those garlic mashed potatoes taste good. But if you’re feeling a chemical attraction to someone, the food being served is the last thing on your mind — and not just because you’re nervous. Blame this on elevated levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine, which fuels feelings of desire. Higher levels of dopamine, according to Dr. Fisher, “give you a feeling of lightness, increased energy and a feeling of minor ecstasy. And you’re definitely not hungry!” So if your date seems disappointed that you only ate four bites of your steak, you can clear it up later by explaining what a five-star sign it really is.
Subtle sign #7: You feel more “familiar” with your date than “lusty”
Sure, most people think it’s a good sign when they want to jump over the table and rip their date’s clothes off. But let’s be honest—there are plenty of acquaintances you’ve wanted to do that to, and there was no deeper, underlying chemistry there. A stronger sign is that instead of feeling lust for your date, you’re overwhelmed by a feeling of familiarity — a sense of, “Gosh, I feel like I’ve known you before.” The chemistry at work, says Dr. Hendrix, “is due to the emotional center in your brain’s limbic system recognizing qualities in the person that resemble qualities about the caretakers we had during childhood.” For example, a man might recognize a feeling of being at ease and nurtured the way his mother made him feel. A woman might feel comfortable with the dry humor of her date, similar to the way her father interacted with her. “This intense familiarity triggers the release of dopamine, which can lead to that ‘Wow’ feeling,” explains Dr. Hendrix. Oh, and by this point, it’s also definitely OK to want to jump over the table and rip your date’s clothes off!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
10 fascinating flirting facts
So you’ve mastered the art of eye contact and can beckon a romantic prospect with just a few coy glances… but do you really know all there is to know about the fine art of flirting? Just to make sure you’re up to speed, we culled some very surprising information that you can use to your advantage. Read on for some juicy tidbits that may up your meet-cute quotient in no time.
1. Flirting is good for you. Studies show that people who flirt have higher white blood-cell counts, which boost both immunity and health.
2. Think batting your eyelashes is enough? Wrong! All told, scientists say there are 52 “flirting signals” used by humans. Of these, the hair-flip technique is the most common.
3. In some places, flirting is illegal. In Little Rock, AR, an antiquated law is still on the books warning that engaging in playful banter may result in a 30-day jail term. In New York City, another outdated law mandates that men may be fined $25 for gazing lasciviously at a female; a second conviction stipulates the offender wear a pair of blinders whenever he goes out for a walk.
4. Why wait for Friday? Lots of people get their flirt on during their morning commute. A full 62 percent of drivers have flirted with someone in a different vehicle while on the go, and 31 percent of those flirtations, it turns out, resulted in a date.
5. Flirting need not occur face to face. According to the Pew Research Center, 40 percent of people who look for love online say they can easily flirt with someone via email or IM.
6. In the Victorian era, fans were the ultimate playful props that could communicate all sorts of messages. A fan placed near the heart meant “You have won my love.” A half-opened fan pressed to the lips was an invitation, saying, “You may kiss me.” Hiding the eyes behind an open fan meant “I love you,” while opening and closing the fan several times was a chastisement, implying, “You are cruel.” Given how much a fan could come in handy, it’s a shame they ever invented air conditioning.
7. These days, cell phones do the flirting for you. In one survey, half of all mobile phone users have texted flirty messages to keep things interesting while separated from their amour.
8. Watch out; you can overdo it. According to the Social Issues Research Centre, the most common mistake people make when flirting is maintaining too much eye contact.
9. Sometimes, flirty gestures aren’t what they seem to be. Research has shown that men tend to routinely mistake friendly behavior for flirting.
10. Flirting is universal. A woman living in New York City and one in rural Cambodia may not have much in common, but when it comes to attracting a little attention, they both employ the very same move: smiling, arching their eyebrows, then averting their gaze and giggling. Animals flirt, too: birds, reptiles, and even fish have their own way of making romantic advances. The moral of the story: If the simple sea bass can act cute in order to further a romantic agenda, you can, too — so give it a go!
1. Flirting is good for you. Studies show that people who flirt have higher white blood-cell counts, which boost both immunity and health.
2. Think batting your eyelashes is enough? Wrong! All told, scientists say there are 52 “flirting signals” used by humans. Of these, the hair-flip technique is the most common.
3. In some places, flirting is illegal. In Little Rock, AR, an antiquated law is still on the books warning that engaging in playful banter may result in a 30-day jail term. In New York City, another outdated law mandates that men may be fined $25 for gazing lasciviously at a female; a second conviction stipulates the offender wear a pair of blinders whenever he goes out for a walk.
4. Why wait for Friday? Lots of people get their flirt on during their morning commute. A full 62 percent of drivers have flirted with someone in a different vehicle while on the go, and 31 percent of those flirtations, it turns out, resulted in a date.
5. Flirting need not occur face to face. According to the Pew Research Center, 40 percent of people who look for love online say they can easily flirt with someone via email or IM.
6. In the Victorian era, fans were the ultimate playful props that could communicate all sorts of messages. A fan placed near the heart meant “You have won my love.” A half-opened fan pressed to the lips was an invitation, saying, “You may kiss me.” Hiding the eyes behind an open fan meant “I love you,” while opening and closing the fan several times was a chastisement, implying, “You are cruel.” Given how much a fan could come in handy, it’s a shame they ever invented air conditioning.
7. These days, cell phones do the flirting for you. In one survey, half of all mobile phone users have texted flirty messages to keep things interesting while separated from their amour.
8. Watch out; you can overdo it. According to the Social Issues Research Centre, the most common mistake people make when flirting is maintaining too much eye contact.
9. Sometimes, flirty gestures aren’t what they seem to be. Research has shown that men tend to routinely mistake friendly behavior for flirting.
10. Flirting is universal. A woman living in New York City and one in rural Cambodia may not have much in common, but when it comes to attracting a little attention, they both employ the very same move: smiling, arching their eyebrows, then averting their gaze and giggling. Animals flirt, too: birds, reptiles, and even fish have their own way of making romantic advances. The moral of the story: If the simple sea bass can act cute in order to further a romantic agenda, you can, too — so give it a go!
The science behind love at first sight
From the moment she set eyes on him, she adored him. Wanting only to be near him, to lavish her affection on him, she followed everywhere he went. The sound of his voice made her bark.
Bark? Novelist and animal behaviorist Elizabeth Marshall Thomas was describing her pug dog, Violet, who was in love with her other pug, Bingo.
Animals love. Animal literature is full of descriptions of love at first sight, actually. When Tia, a female elephant living in the Amboseli National Park in Kenya, came into heat (or estrus), she was followed by a coterie of young males. Tia would not cooperate. But the moment Bad Bull swaggered into view, head high, chin tucked in, ears intensely waving, trunk aloft, and doing his courtship strut, Tia changed her elephant mind. Holding her ears high in a pose meant to draw his attention, she stared at him with the prolonged “courting gaze,” then turned and began to move slowly away, glancing repeatedly to see if this mature male was following. Tia and Bad Bull remained inseparable for the duration of her estrus.
Instant attraction across the animal kingdom
Scientists and naturalists have recorded this instant attraction phenomenon in hundreds of species. Throatpatch and Priscilla, two orangutans; Alexander and Thalia, two baboons; Skipper and Laurel, two beavers; Misha and Maria, two Huskies; Satan and Miff, two chimps: these and many other creatures have taken an instant liking to one another. As Charles Darwin wrote of two ducks, “it was evidently a case of love at fist sight, for she swam about the newcomer caressingly… with overtures of affection.”
How we came to fall in love fast
You and I have inherited the brain circuitry for this instant attraction, what has become known as “love at first sight.” This spontaneous passion comes from our primordial past when, like other mammals, our female forebears had a monthly period of heat. Like all mammals that have only a few hours, days or weeks to procreate, these ancestors had to become attracted quickly. They couldn’t spend two months or two years discussing their suitor’s career and family plans. They had to meet and produce offspring fast.
Today, first meetings are still crucial. With little or no knowledge of this stranger, we tend to weigh heavily those few traits we first encounter. Based on these morsels of information, we almost instantly form a strong opinion of him or her, generally within the first three minutes. Thomas Jefferson fell in love with Maria Cosway in an afternoon, probably within minutes of meeting.
Who falls faster: the male or the female?
Indeed, men tend to fall in love faster than women do, probably because their brain circuitry for romantic love is more quickly triggered by visual cues. But any of us can walk into a crowded room, talk for only minutes with a someone new, and either feel that “chemistry” — or “know” there could be chemistry down the road.
But is this attraction love or lust? Actually, these feelings involve very different brain networks. You can have physical intimacy with someone you are not “in love” with, and you can be passionately in love with someone you have never kissed. But these brain circuits can trigger one another, leaving you wondering for a moment if your attraction is purely physical.
Can immediate attraction last?
You will know if your passion is love or lust with your answer to just one simple question: “What percentage of the day and night do you think about him or her?” Romantic love is an obsession. It can happen in a moment, but when it strikes, you can’t get your new beloved off your mind. And this instant passion can last — sometimes for many years.
“The loving are the daring,” wrote poet Bayard Taylor. We are all daring; we can’t help ourselves. Millions of years ago humanity evolved three powerful brain systems for courtship and reproduction: the libido, romantic attraction, and feelings of deep attachment. The libido evolved to drive us to reproduce with a range of partners, but romantic love evolved to enable us to focus our energy on just one, The One. This passion is intricately orchestrated, at least in part, by the activity of a powerful chemical, dopamine. And this potent brain circuit lies dormant in each of us, sleeping like a cat with one eye open, waiting for the right moment to erupt.
Indeed, feelings of intense romantic passion can awaken the first moment you see someone who fits within your mental concept of the perfect partner — love at first sight.
Bark? Novelist and animal behaviorist Elizabeth Marshall Thomas was describing her pug dog, Violet, who was in love with her other pug, Bingo.
Animals love. Animal literature is full of descriptions of love at first sight, actually. When Tia, a female elephant living in the Amboseli National Park in Kenya, came into heat (or estrus), she was followed by a coterie of young males. Tia would not cooperate. But the moment Bad Bull swaggered into view, head high, chin tucked in, ears intensely waving, trunk aloft, and doing his courtship strut, Tia changed her elephant mind. Holding her ears high in a pose meant to draw his attention, she stared at him with the prolonged “courting gaze,” then turned and began to move slowly away, glancing repeatedly to see if this mature male was following. Tia and Bad Bull remained inseparable for the duration of her estrus.
Instant attraction across the animal kingdom
Scientists and naturalists have recorded this instant attraction phenomenon in hundreds of species. Throatpatch and Priscilla, two orangutans; Alexander and Thalia, two baboons; Skipper and Laurel, two beavers; Misha and Maria, two Huskies; Satan and Miff, two chimps: these and many other creatures have taken an instant liking to one another. As Charles Darwin wrote of two ducks, “it was evidently a case of love at fist sight, for she swam about the newcomer caressingly… with overtures of affection.”
How we came to fall in love fast
You and I have inherited the brain circuitry for this instant attraction, what has become known as “love at first sight.” This spontaneous passion comes from our primordial past when, like other mammals, our female forebears had a monthly period of heat. Like all mammals that have only a few hours, days or weeks to procreate, these ancestors had to become attracted quickly. They couldn’t spend two months or two years discussing their suitor’s career and family plans. They had to meet and produce offspring fast.
Today, first meetings are still crucial. With little or no knowledge of this stranger, we tend to weigh heavily those few traits we first encounter. Based on these morsels of information, we almost instantly form a strong opinion of him or her, generally within the first three minutes. Thomas Jefferson fell in love with Maria Cosway in an afternoon, probably within minutes of meeting.
Who falls faster: the male or the female?
Indeed, men tend to fall in love faster than women do, probably because their brain circuitry for romantic love is more quickly triggered by visual cues. But any of us can walk into a crowded room, talk for only minutes with a someone new, and either feel that “chemistry” — or “know” there could be chemistry down the road.
But is this attraction love or lust? Actually, these feelings involve very different brain networks. You can have physical intimacy with someone you are not “in love” with, and you can be passionately in love with someone you have never kissed. But these brain circuits can trigger one another, leaving you wondering for a moment if your attraction is purely physical.
Can immediate attraction last?
You will know if your passion is love or lust with your answer to just one simple question: “What percentage of the day and night do you think about him or her?” Romantic love is an obsession. It can happen in a moment, but when it strikes, you can’t get your new beloved off your mind. And this instant passion can last — sometimes for many years.
“The loving are the daring,” wrote poet Bayard Taylor. We are all daring; we can’t help ourselves. Millions of years ago humanity evolved three powerful brain systems for courtship and reproduction: the libido, romantic attraction, and feelings of deep attachment. The libido evolved to drive us to reproduce with a range of partners, but romantic love evolved to enable us to focus our energy on just one, The One. This passion is intricately orchestrated, at least in part, by the activity of a powerful chemical, dopamine. And this potent brain circuit lies dormant in each of us, sleeping like a cat with one eye open, waiting for the right moment to erupt.
Indeed, feelings of intense romantic passion can awaken the first moment you see someone who fits within your mental concept of the perfect partner — love at first sight.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
5 Mistakes Everyone Should Make
Five successful people, ranging from a noted psychologist to a legendary tastemaker, describe their most startling (and most revealing) blunders.
1. Totally embarrass yourself.
After the publication of my book Reviving Ophelia, in 1994, I was invited to a prestigious party. I got all dressed up; I was so excited to make connections. I had a wonderful time and was elated as I was walking back to my car. Well, that is, until I felt something on the back of my skirt. While I had gotten dressed for the function, I had apparently sat on a stack of clean laundry, and a pair of underwear had affixed itself. I had spent the entire night that way! I was mortified, but at the end of the day, it just didn’t matter. I went to other similar events after that, and as far as I could tell, that incident didn’t change people’s impression of me one little bit.
I tend to think that we are all always one static-cling mishap away from looking like a total idiot—and believing that helps me keep gaffes in perspective. And, of course, these grand embarrassments eventually loosen their grip anyway, leaving you with an ace-in-the-hole story to crack up your friends with for years to come.
Mary Pipher, Ph.D., has been a psychotherapist for more than 30 years. Her latest book is Seeking Peace ($16, amazon.com).
2. Ruffle people’s feathers.
Years ago, when I began working at a business school, I sat in meetings quietly, afraid I would say the wrong thing. Some people spoke up and were scoffed at. I didn’t want that to happen to me, so I held my tongue. I soon realized that my silence implied that I was on board with whatever was being said. I started voicing my opinion, even on controversial subjects, regardless of how my comments would be received. Occasionally colleagues would roll their eyes, but I found that even those who disagreed with me came to respect me for not backing down. Sometimes my ideas will make me unpopular, sure, but that’s better than being a blank slate.
Mary C. Gentile, Ph.D., is a senior research scholar in business management at Babson College, in Wellesley, Massachusetts. She is the author of Giving Voice to Values ($26, amazon.com).
3. Follow trends blindly.
Looking back on my life, I find it hard to think of a fad I did not embrace. When glam rock glittered, I bleached my hair and wore a dangly earring. When punk rock raged, I donned black leather. Not until my 50s did I find my look—I call it Carnaby Street mod circa 1966—which allowed me to hop off the trend merry-go-round. But I am grateful for this process: It took a fashion odyssey to help me find out who I really am.
Simon Doonan has been the creative director of Barneys New York since 1986. He is the author of Eccentric Glamour ($15, amazon.com).
4. Be willing to fail—doing something you love.
In 1997 I had just graduated from law school (with tons of student-loan debt) and was interviewing for high-paying positions at big firms. The problem was, my heart wasn’t in it. So I took myself out of the running in order to build a small Internet publishing company with a friend. After a year of barely staying afloat, our venture went the way of a 404 ERROR message. I was broke and unemployed, and Sallie Mae was hot on my tail. I wondered what endeavor I should try next.
It sounds crazy, but once again I decided to throw caution to the wind and just do what I wanted. I began working as a trial attorney for the U.S. Department of Justice. Over the next few years, I held a wide array of fascinating jobs that I took because they captured my imagination: serving in the military, reporting from Iraq for the Washington Post, and, most recently, becoming a full-time author. Some might consider me flighty for changing careers so often, but I contend that the key to professional happiness is asking yourself two simple questions every single day: Are you passionate about what you do? And if not, what are you going to do instead?
Bill Murphy Jr. is the author of The Intelligent Entrepreneur ($27.50, amazon.com).
5. Carelessly put yourself at risk.
I’m a terrible skier, and I’m not being hard on myself when I say that. Small children and monkeys are more coordinated than I am. So it was with unbridled terror that I once found myself alone on a black-diamond ski trail in the middle of a blizzard. (Long story.) With nobody to carry me down, I didn’t have a lot of options. So I wept—and had a fairly supplicating talk with God about my imminent death. (I believe I made a series of promises involving church attendance, reduced alcohol intake, and forgoing swearing.) And, finally, I skied—slowly, with zero elegance, and whimpering like an infant the entire time—down the mountain. It wasn’t pretty, but I did it.
The point being, sometimes you have to get in over your head to realize that you’re not really in over your head at all. Two years ago, I got a job that I desperately wanted but had no idea how to do. So I took it, endured several panic attacks, and eventually learned the ropes. My choices were either figure it out or get fired. The bottom line: Most of the time, a high-risk situation won’t kill you, because you are stronger than you think. And it’s never a bad thing to be reminded of that.
1. Totally embarrass yourself.
After the publication of my book Reviving Ophelia, in 1994, I was invited to a prestigious party. I got all dressed up; I was so excited to make connections. I had a wonderful time and was elated as I was walking back to my car. Well, that is, until I felt something on the back of my skirt. While I had gotten dressed for the function, I had apparently sat on a stack of clean laundry, and a pair of underwear had affixed itself. I had spent the entire night that way! I was mortified, but at the end of the day, it just didn’t matter. I went to other similar events after that, and as far as I could tell, that incident didn’t change people’s impression of me one little bit.
I tend to think that we are all always one static-cling mishap away from looking like a total idiot—and believing that helps me keep gaffes in perspective. And, of course, these grand embarrassments eventually loosen their grip anyway, leaving you with an ace-in-the-hole story to crack up your friends with for years to come.
Mary Pipher, Ph.D., has been a psychotherapist for more than 30 years. Her latest book is Seeking Peace ($16, amazon.com).
2. Ruffle people’s feathers.
Years ago, when I began working at a business school, I sat in meetings quietly, afraid I would say the wrong thing. Some people spoke up and were scoffed at. I didn’t want that to happen to me, so I held my tongue. I soon realized that my silence implied that I was on board with whatever was being said. I started voicing my opinion, even on controversial subjects, regardless of how my comments would be received. Occasionally colleagues would roll their eyes, but I found that even those who disagreed with me came to respect me for not backing down. Sometimes my ideas will make me unpopular, sure, but that’s better than being a blank slate.
Mary C. Gentile, Ph.D., is a senior research scholar in business management at Babson College, in Wellesley, Massachusetts. She is the author of Giving Voice to Values ($26, amazon.com).
3. Follow trends blindly.
Looking back on my life, I find it hard to think of a fad I did not embrace. When glam rock glittered, I bleached my hair and wore a dangly earring. When punk rock raged, I donned black leather. Not until my 50s did I find my look—I call it Carnaby Street mod circa 1966—which allowed me to hop off the trend merry-go-round. But I am grateful for this process: It took a fashion odyssey to help me find out who I really am.
Simon Doonan has been the creative director of Barneys New York since 1986. He is the author of Eccentric Glamour ($15, amazon.com).
4. Be willing to fail—doing something you love.
In 1997 I had just graduated from law school (with tons of student-loan debt) and was interviewing for high-paying positions at big firms. The problem was, my heart wasn’t in it. So I took myself out of the running in order to build a small Internet publishing company with a friend. After a year of barely staying afloat, our venture went the way of a 404 ERROR message. I was broke and unemployed, and Sallie Mae was hot on my tail. I wondered what endeavor I should try next.
It sounds crazy, but once again I decided to throw caution to the wind and just do what I wanted. I began working as a trial attorney for the U.S. Department of Justice. Over the next few years, I held a wide array of fascinating jobs that I took because they captured my imagination: serving in the military, reporting from Iraq for the Washington Post, and, most recently, becoming a full-time author. Some might consider me flighty for changing careers so often, but I contend that the key to professional happiness is asking yourself two simple questions every single day: Are you passionate about what you do? And if not, what are you going to do instead?
Bill Murphy Jr. is the author of The Intelligent Entrepreneur ($27.50, amazon.com).
5. Carelessly put yourself at risk.
I’m a terrible skier, and I’m not being hard on myself when I say that. Small children and monkeys are more coordinated than I am. So it was with unbridled terror that I once found myself alone on a black-diamond ski trail in the middle of a blizzard. (Long story.) With nobody to carry me down, I didn’t have a lot of options. So I wept—and had a fairly supplicating talk with God about my imminent death. (I believe I made a series of promises involving church attendance, reduced alcohol intake, and forgoing swearing.) And, finally, I skied—slowly, with zero elegance, and whimpering like an infant the entire time—down the mountain. It wasn’t pretty, but I did it.
The point being, sometimes you have to get in over your head to realize that you’re not really in over your head at all. Two years ago, I got a job that I desperately wanted but had no idea how to do. So I took it, endured several panic attacks, and eventually learned the ropes. My choices were either figure it out or get fired. The bottom line: Most of the time, a high-risk situation won’t kill you, because you are stronger than you think. And it’s never a bad thing to be reminded of that.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Increase the Luck - and Love- in Your Life
We all know a woman who seems to be more fortunate in the guy department than the rest of us. For me, it’s my friend Anne. She moved to New York right after college, got a job, and, there, she met Paul, a sweet mountain-man type who — by pure coincidence — was from her East Coast hometown, had attended her smallish state university, shared several of her friends, and enjoyed her favorite outdoorsy activities. Four years later, they’re still happily together and living in a quaint one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. “It was all meant to be!” she told me over drinks. “Everything happens for a reason.” Theirs is a great story, no question, but I couldn’t get on board with her theory that fate had a hand in the matter. The way I figured it, she was probably just really, really lucky. Because if everyone is fated to have an amazing love life, wouldn’t we all be dating Ryan Gosling right now?
The Frisky: 20 ways to feel more confident about your relationship
“It is totally fate,” says Kate, 29. “I met my husband on a plane from Boston to New York. The flight had been cancelled and rescheduled three times, and I was drunk as a skunk from nervousness about flying. I made him hold my hand for the landing, and then we shared a cab and went out for a drink in the East Village afterward.” Aw.
But the universe is not always so kind. (Example: Snooki’s terrible luck on just about every episode of “Jersey Shore.”) “I know more girls who are consistently unlucky than lucky,” says Erin, 29. “Some of us make smarter decisions than others; however, some very earnest and well-intentioned lady friends of mine seem to never win — like myself. Overall I really do have great memories of most relationships. I think the universe just didn’t have it in the stars for some reason or another.”
The Frisky: She cheated, how do I move on?
Chances are, you already know a few key principles that’ll increase your odds of building a solid relationship, like stepping outside your apartment regularly or, say, not dating John Mayer. But beyond that, some of us need an extra cosmic push, which is where a little bit of luck could help.
We scoured the country and asked love experts whether luck in love really exists—and how you can skew the magnetic pulls of the universe in your favor. Before you read on, though, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do you?
Expert #1: Sloan Bella, intuitive medium and metaphysician, says you should quit that dating servic e to be lucky in love :
Does luck in love really exist? “I believe luck is tied to what you build up in past lives and what you bring into this life. What we perceive as being lucky right now may not actually be from this life—it may be from something they earned. So, luck is a focus of earning a gift in this life, and then having the free will to do with it what you will. You could still screw it up, technically.”
How can you increase your luck in love?
Never act out of fear. “The secret is to stay open to meeting people and what’s to come to you. Be in the moment. Desperation is fear. People who go out and date randomly: That’s a little bit of fear, don’t you think? The universe is about being open to your opportunities so you recognize them.”
Stop online dating. “Never join a dating service. What the hell are you doing? I just think it’s stupid. I think it’s lazy. If you’re in a working environment, a medical environment, a home environment, wherever you are, you can meet people. And if you’re having trouble meeting people, you need to teach yourself how to be more open to communicate with people.”
The Frisky: Online dating negatives
Expert #2: Bianca Acevedo, social neuroscientist, University of California, Santa Barbara on the science of being lucky in love:
Does luck in love really exist? “I don’t know that my research could answer that, but engaging in other rewarding activities and other rewarding relationships [other than the dating scene] may help. By being happy and satisfied in their lives, people may attract a mate in that way.”
How can you increase your luck in love?
If you’re already coupled, embark on a challenge with your partner. “There’s a series of studies that indicate that engaging in novel and challenging activities increases feelings of romantic love. What that means depends on the couple: If you’re not the outdoorsy type, go on a hike, or even taking a walk in the woods could seem like something new and somewhat challenging.”
The Frisky: 9 ways women bruise men’s egos without even knowing it
Expert #3: Cathlee n McCandless, feng shui expert at San Diego Feng Shui , on creating your blueprint for love:
Does luck in love really exist? “I don’t believe in luck. Luck implies something is random, and I don’t think anything in life is random. There are ways we can use a blueprint. There are ways we can deliberately enhance our surroundings to create the life we want to have.”
How can you increase your luck in love?
Decorate your home with pairs of items. “Ladies, go through your space and notice what images or items you have on display that depict single items: pictures of one person, one cat. If you have one candle, put another next to it. If you’re a single mother, start to pair up the toys. If you have a painting with a single image, you want one with two images. Go to an art website and type in ‘pair’ or ‘couple.’ This creates a template to your brain that says ‘pair = good.’ ”
Set up your “partnership” corner. “Get a compass and find the southwest direction of your space. That area is associated with partnership. In traditional feng shui, the way to energize the southwest is with pairs of things made of earth: rock, stone, cement, pebbles. Rose quartz is associated with love, so that’s a traditional, nice thing to add.”
The Frisky: Why women should just ask men out on a date
Expert #4: Vanessa “Lady Maverick” Rousso, professional poker player with more than $3 million in winnings, on who has the best odds at being lucky in love:
Does luck in love really exist? “Luck is just another word for variance. You can have good luck, which is positive variance from expectations, or bad luck, which is simply negative variance from expectations. I don’t believe in ‘being lucky,’ per se. Although I will say that oftentimes when people are getting lucky or running well (in poker, life, or even love), they’re in a good mood, which in turn helps sow the seeds for more good things to happen for them, which can make them seem like a lucky person. That’s why good things generally happen for positive people. It’s also the danger in being a pessimistic or negative person: When things aren’t going well and you let it get to you, you actually breed further detriment to yourself by being negative, which can cloud your judgment and affect how/whether others want to be around you.”
How can you increase your luck in love?
Read your date to gauge his honesty. “People move their feet when they are uncomfortable, or being dishonest. This is rooted in the primal urge to ‘fight or flight’ when we sense danger. Since someone who is lying subconsciously senses a danger of being caught, their instincts kick in and their foot may move. This phenomenon occurs instinctually, and most people aren’t aware that they do it.”
The Frisky: 9 things not to break up over
Expert #5: Vinita Ling, Ph. D. candidate in social psychology, University of Hawaii at Manoa , believes better luck can come from being unavailable:
Does luck in love really exist?“Luck is really preparation meeting opportunity. What does it mean to be prepared? Knowing one’s self very well. Go out and do things: explore, experiment, have fun, let loose, and be yourself (even if being yourself means holing up in the physics section of a bookstore). The other part of the equation is opportunity. Create opportunities to meet people. That could mean taking a yoga class, attending your niece’s baptism, learning to make sushi, signing up for a tour of Indonesia. Make plans with those in your social circle regularly, and honor those commitments.”
How can you increase your luck in love?
Make yourself scarce. “Certain regions of the brain related to pleasure light up in the face of unexpected rewards, which, practically speaking, might serve as advice to young women to make themselves ‘unavailable’ on occasion — ideally, due to a rich and rewarding life — so that when they do become available, their presence and company serve as an unexpected and pleasant surprise.”
The Frisky: People who married objects
Expert #6: “Psychic Christina,” medium/health sensitive/clairvoyant in New York City , claims we are born with our luck:
Does luck in love really exist? “I don’t really believe in luck. I’m very into psychology and very much into energy. We all vibrate at different frequencies. People are born into different family situations, and they take a lot of patterns from those relationships with their families, and they act it out in adulthood. We need to be conscious and focused about it so we can make different choices.”
How can you increase your luck in love?
Change your focus. “We say ‘I don’t want someone who doesn’t have a job or isn’t available to me,’ et cetera. What we should be focusing on is what we do want. Keep talking about it, and keep visualizing it, and when you do, you start to feel it. You’re changing what you’re putting out, and it comes back to you. We all consist of kismet.”
The Frisky: 20 ways to feel more confident about your relationship
“It is totally fate,” says Kate, 29. “I met my husband on a plane from Boston to New York. The flight had been cancelled and rescheduled three times, and I was drunk as a skunk from nervousness about flying. I made him hold my hand for the landing, and then we shared a cab and went out for a drink in the East Village afterward.” Aw.
But the universe is not always so kind. (Example: Snooki’s terrible luck on just about every episode of “Jersey Shore.”) “I know more girls who are consistently unlucky than lucky,” says Erin, 29. “Some of us make smarter decisions than others; however, some very earnest and well-intentioned lady friends of mine seem to never win — like myself. Overall I really do have great memories of most relationships. I think the universe just didn’t have it in the stars for some reason or another.”
The Frisky: She cheated, how do I move on?
Chances are, you already know a few key principles that’ll increase your odds of building a solid relationship, like stepping outside your apartment regularly or, say, not dating John Mayer. But beyond that, some of us need an extra cosmic push, which is where a little bit of luck could help.
We scoured the country and asked love experts whether luck in love really exists—and how you can skew the magnetic pulls of the universe in your favor. Before you read on, though, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do you?
Expert #1: Sloan Bella, intuitive medium and metaphysician, says you should quit that dating servic e to be lucky in love :
Does luck in love really exist? “I believe luck is tied to what you build up in past lives and what you bring into this life. What we perceive as being lucky right now may not actually be from this life—it may be from something they earned. So, luck is a focus of earning a gift in this life, and then having the free will to do with it what you will. You could still screw it up, technically.”
How can you increase your luck in love?
Never act out of fear. “The secret is to stay open to meeting people and what’s to come to you. Be in the moment. Desperation is fear. People who go out and date randomly: That’s a little bit of fear, don’t you think? The universe is about being open to your opportunities so you recognize them.”
Stop online dating. “Never join a dating service. What the hell are you doing? I just think it’s stupid. I think it’s lazy. If you’re in a working environment, a medical environment, a home environment, wherever you are, you can meet people. And if you’re having trouble meeting people, you need to teach yourself how to be more open to communicate with people.”
The Frisky: Online dating negatives
Expert #2: Bianca Acevedo, social neuroscientist, University of California, Santa Barbara on the science of being lucky in love:
Does luck in love really exist? “I don’t know that my research could answer that, but engaging in other rewarding activities and other rewarding relationships [other than the dating scene] may help. By being happy and satisfied in their lives, people may attract a mate in that way.”
How can you increase your luck in love?
If you’re already coupled, embark on a challenge with your partner. “There’s a series of studies that indicate that engaging in novel and challenging activities increases feelings of romantic love. What that means depends on the couple: If you’re not the outdoorsy type, go on a hike, or even taking a walk in the woods could seem like something new and somewhat challenging.”
The Frisky: 9 ways women bruise men’s egos without even knowing it
Expert #3: Cathlee n McCandless, feng shui expert at San Diego Feng Shui , on creating your blueprint for love:
Does luck in love really exist? “I don’t believe in luck. Luck implies something is random, and I don’t think anything in life is random. There are ways we can use a blueprint. There are ways we can deliberately enhance our surroundings to create the life we want to have.”
How can you increase your luck in love?
Decorate your home with pairs of items. “Ladies, go through your space and notice what images or items you have on display that depict single items: pictures of one person, one cat. If you have one candle, put another next to it. If you’re a single mother, start to pair up the toys. If you have a painting with a single image, you want one with two images. Go to an art website and type in ‘pair’ or ‘couple.’ This creates a template to your brain that says ‘pair = good.’ ”
Set up your “partnership” corner. “Get a compass and find the southwest direction of your space. That area is associated with partnership. In traditional feng shui, the way to energize the southwest is with pairs of things made of earth: rock, stone, cement, pebbles. Rose quartz is associated with love, so that’s a traditional, nice thing to add.”
The Frisky: Why women should just ask men out on a date
Expert #4: Vanessa “Lady Maverick” Rousso, professional poker player with more than $3 million in winnings, on who has the best odds at being lucky in love:
Does luck in love really exist? “Luck is just another word for variance. You can have good luck, which is positive variance from expectations, or bad luck, which is simply negative variance from expectations. I don’t believe in ‘being lucky,’ per se. Although I will say that oftentimes when people are getting lucky or running well (in poker, life, or even love), they’re in a good mood, which in turn helps sow the seeds for more good things to happen for them, which can make them seem like a lucky person. That’s why good things generally happen for positive people. It’s also the danger in being a pessimistic or negative person: When things aren’t going well and you let it get to you, you actually breed further detriment to yourself by being negative, which can cloud your judgment and affect how/whether others want to be around you.”
How can you increase your luck in love?
Read your date to gauge his honesty. “People move their feet when they are uncomfortable, or being dishonest. This is rooted in the primal urge to ‘fight or flight’ when we sense danger. Since someone who is lying subconsciously senses a danger of being caught, their instincts kick in and their foot may move. This phenomenon occurs instinctually, and most people aren’t aware that they do it.”
The Frisky: 9 things not to break up over
Expert #5: Vinita Ling, Ph. D. candidate in social psychology, University of Hawaii at Manoa , believes better luck can come from being unavailable:
Does luck in love really exist?“Luck is really preparation meeting opportunity. What does it mean to be prepared? Knowing one’s self very well. Go out and do things: explore, experiment, have fun, let loose, and be yourself (even if being yourself means holing up in the physics section of a bookstore). The other part of the equation is opportunity. Create opportunities to meet people. That could mean taking a yoga class, attending your niece’s baptism, learning to make sushi, signing up for a tour of Indonesia. Make plans with those in your social circle regularly, and honor those commitments.”
How can you increase your luck in love?
Make yourself scarce. “Certain regions of the brain related to pleasure light up in the face of unexpected rewards, which, practically speaking, might serve as advice to young women to make themselves ‘unavailable’ on occasion — ideally, due to a rich and rewarding life — so that when they do become available, their presence and company serve as an unexpected and pleasant surprise.”
The Frisky: People who married objects
Expert #6: “Psychic Christina,” medium/health sensitive/clairvoyant in New York City , claims we are born with our luck:
Does luck in love really exist? “I don’t really believe in luck. I’m very into psychology and very much into energy. We all vibrate at different frequencies. People are born into different family situations, and they take a lot of patterns from those relationships with their families, and they act it out in adulthood. We need to be conscious and focused about it so we can make different choices.”
How can you increase your luck in love?
Change your focus. “We say ‘I don’t want someone who doesn’t have a job or isn’t available to me,’ et cetera. What we should be focusing on is what we do want. Keep talking about it, and keep visualizing it, and when you do, you start to feel it. You’re changing what you’re putting out, and it comes back to you. We all consist of kismet.”
How to Get Lucky
Scientific proof that you make your own breaks.
For centuries, people have recognized the power of luck and have done whatever they could to try seizing it. Take knocking on wood, thought to date back to pagan rituals aimed at eliciting help from powerful tree gods. We still do it today, though few, if any, of us worship tree gods. So why do we pass this and other superstitions down from generation to generation? The answer lies in the power of luck.
Live a Charmed Life
To investigate scientifically why some people are consistently lucky and others aren't, I advertised in national periodicals for volunteers of both varieties. Four hundred men and women from all walks of life -- ages 18 to 84 -- responded.
Over a ten-year period, I interviewed these volunteers, asked them to complete diaries, personality questionnaires and IQ tests, and invited them to my laboratory for experiments. Lucky people, I found, get that way via some basic principles -- seizing chance opportunities; creating self-fulfilling prophecies through positive expectations; and adopting a resilient attitude that turns bad luck around.
Open Your Mind
Consider chance opportunities: Lucky people regularly have them; unlucky people don't. To determine why, I gave lucky and unlucky people a newspaper, and asked them to tell me how many photos were inside. On average, unlucky people spent about two minutes on this exercise; lucky people spent seconds. Why? Because on the paper's second page -- in big type -- was the message "Stop counting: There are 43 photographs in this newspaper." Lucky people tended to spot the message. Unlucky ones didn't. I put a second one halfway through the paper: "Stop counting, tell the experimenter you have seen this and win $250." Again, the unlucky people missed it.
The lesson: Unlucky people miss chance opportunities because they're too busy looking for something else. Lucky people see what is there rather than just what they're looking for.
This is only part of the story. Many of my lucky participants tried hard to add variety to their lives. Before making important decisions, one altered his route to work. Another described a way of meeting people. He noticed that at parties he usually talked to the same type of person. To change this, he thought of a color and then spoke only to guests wearing that color -- women in red, say, or men in black.
Does this technique work? Well, imagine living in the center of an apple orchard. Each day you must collect a basket of apples. At first, it won't matter where you look. The entire orchard will have apples. Gradually, it becomes harder to find apples in places you've visited before. If you go to new parts of the orchard each time, the odds of finding apples will increase dramatically. It is exactly the same with luck.
Relish the Upside
Another important principle revolved around the way in which lucky and unlucky people deal with misfortune. Imagine representing your country in the Olympics. You compete, do well, and win a bronze medal. Now imagine a second Olympics. This time you do even better and win a silver medal. How happy do you think you'd feel? Most of us think we'd be happier after winning the silver medal.
But research suggests athletes who win bronze medals are actually happier. This is because silver medalists think that if they'd performed slightly better, they might have won a gold medal. In contrast, bronze medalists focus on how if they'd performed slightly worse, they wouldn't have won anything. Psychologists call this ability to imagine what might have happened, rather than what actually happened, "counter-factual" thinking.
To find out if lucky people use counter-factual thinking to ease the impact of misfortune, I asked my subjects to imagine being in a bank. Suddenly, an armed robber enters and fires a shot that hits them in the arms. Unlucky people tended to say this would be their bad luck to be in the bank during the robbery. Lucky people said it could have been worse: "You could have been shot in the head." This kind of thinking makes people feel better about themselves, keeps expectations high, and increases the likelihood of continuing to live a lucky life.
Learn to Be Lucky
Finally, I created a series of experiments examining whether thought and behavior can enhance good fortune.
First came one-on-one meetings, during which participants completed questionnaires that measured their luck and their satisfaction with six key areas of their lives. I then outlined the main principles of luck, and described techniques designed to help participants react like lucky people. For instance, they were taught how to be more open to opportunities around them, how to break routines, and how to deal with bad luck by imagining things being worse. They were asked to carry out specific exercises for a month and then report back to me.
The results were dramatic: 80 percent were happier and more satisfied with their lives -- and luckier. One unlucky subject said that after adjusting her attitude -- expecting good fortune, not dwelling on the negative -- her bad luck had vanished. One day, she went shopping and found a dress she liked. But she didn't buy it, and when she returned to the store in a week, it was gone. Instead of slinking away disappointed, she looked around and found a better dress -- for less. Events like this made her a much happier person.
Her experience shows how thoughts and behavior affect the good and bad fortune we encounter. It proves that the most elusive of holy grails -- an effective way of taking advantage of the power of luck -- is available to us all.
For centuries, people have recognized the power of luck and have done whatever they could to try seizing it. Take knocking on wood, thought to date back to pagan rituals aimed at eliciting help from powerful tree gods. We still do it today, though few, if any, of us worship tree gods. So why do we pass this and other superstitions down from generation to generation? The answer lies in the power of luck.
Live a Charmed Life
To investigate scientifically why some people are consistently lucky and others aren't, I advertised in national periodicals for volunteers of both varieties. Four hundred men and women from all walks of life -- ages 18 to 84 -- responded.
Over a ten-year period, I interviewed these volunteers, asked them to complete diaries, personality questionnaires and IQ tests, and invited them to my laboratory for experiments. Lucky people, I found, get that way via some basic principles -- seizing chance opportunities; creating self-fulfilling prophecies through positive expectations; and adopting a resilient attitude that turns bad luck around.
Open Your Mind
Consider chance opportunities: Lucky people regularly have them; unlucky people don't. To determine why, I gave lucky and unlucky people a newspaper, and asked them to tell me how many photos were inside. On average, unlucky people spent about two minutes on this exercise; lucky people spent seconds. Why? Because on the paper's second page -- in big type -- was the message "Stop counting: There are 43 photographs in this newspaper." Lucky people tended to spot the message. Unlucky ones didn't. I put a second one halfway through the paper: "Stop counting, tell the experimenter you have seen this and win $250." Again, the unlucky people missed it.
The lesson: Unlucky people miss chance opportunities because they're too busy looking for something else. Lucky people see what is there rather than just what they're looking for.
This is only part of the story. Many of my lucky participants tried hard to add variety to their lives. Before making important decisions, one altered his route to work. Another described a way of meeting people. He noticed that at parties he usually talked to the same type of person. To change this, he thought of a color and then spoke only to guests wearing that color -- women in red, say, or men in black.
Does this technique work? Well, imagine living in the center of an apple orchard. Each day you must collect a basket of apples. At first, it won't matter where you look. The entire orchard will have apples. Gradually, it becomes harder to find apples in places you've visited before. If you go to new parts of the orchard each time, the odds of finding apples will increase dramatically. It is exactly the same with luck.
Relish the Upside
Another important principle revolved around the way in which lucky and unlucky people deal with misfortune. Imagine representing your country in the Olympics. You compete, do well, and win a bronze medal. Now imagine a second Olympics. This time you do even better and win a silver medal. How happy do you think you'd feel? Most of us think we'd be happier after winning the silver medal.
But research suggests athletes who win bronze medals are actually happier. This is because silver medalists think that if they'd performed slightly better, they might have won a gold medal. In contrast, bronze medalists focus on how if they'd performed slightly worse, they wouldn't have won anything. Psychologists call this ability to imagine what might have happened, rather than what actually happened, "counter-factual" thinking.
To find out if lucky people use counter-factual thinking to ease the impact of misfortune, I asked my subjects to imagine being in a bank. Suddenly, an armed robber enters and fires a shot that hits them in the arms. Unlucky people tended to say this would be their bad luck to be in the bank during the robbery. Lucky people said it could have been worse: "You could have been shot in the head." This kind of thinking makes people feel better about themselves, keeps expectations high, and increases the likelihood of continuing to live a lucky life.
Learn to Be Lucky
Finally, I created a series of experiments examining whether thought and behavior can enhance good fortune.
First came one-on-one meetings, during which participants completed questionnaires that measured their luck and their satisfaction with six key areas of their lives. I then outlined the main principles of luck, and described techniques designed to help participants react like lucky people. For instance, they were taught how to be more open to opportunities around them, how to break routines, and how to deal with bad luck by imagining things being worse. They were asked to carry out specific exercises for a month and then report back to me.
The results were dramatic: 80 percent were happier and more satisfied with their lives -- and luckier. One unlucky subject said that after adjusting her attitude -- expecting good fortune, not dwelling on the negative -- her bad luck had vanished. One day, she went shopping and found a dress she liked. But she didn't buy it, and when she returned to the store in a week, it was gone. Instead of slinking away disappointed, she looked around and found a better dress -- for less. Events like this made her a much happier person.
Her experience shows how thoughts and behavior affect the good and bad fortune we encounter. It proves that the most elusive of holy grails -- an effective way of taking advantage of the power of luck -- is available to us all.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Tim Duncan
Duncan himself commented on his "boring" image, stating: "If you show excitement, then you also may show disappointment or frustration. If your opponent picks up on this frustration, you are at a disadvantage."
Sports journalist Kevin Kernan commented on his ability to relax and stay focused, stating that having a degree in psychology, Duncan often not only outplays, but outpsychs his opponents.
Duncan cites his late mother Ione as his main inspiration. Among other things, she taught him and his sisters the nursery rhyme "Good, Better, Best. Never let it rest / Until your Good is Better, and your Better is your Best", which he adopted as his personal motto.
Regarding his own personality, Duncan compares himself to Will Hunting of the movie Good Will Hunting, which centers around the genial and antagonistic character of Will Hunting, portrayed by Matt Damon. He stated: "I'm just a taller, slightly less hyperactive version of the Damon character in the movie. I really enjoyed how he probed people and found out their weaknesses just by asking questions and stating outlandish remarks."
Sports journalist Kevin Kernan commented on his ability to relax and stay focused, stating that having a degree in psychology, Duncan often not only outplays, but outpsychs his opponents.
Duncan cites his late mother Ione as his main inspiration. Among other things, she taught him and his sisters the nursery rhyme "Good, Better, Best. Never let it rest / Until your Good is Better, and your Better is your Best", which he adopted as his personal motto.
Regarding his own personality, Duncan compares himself to Will Hunting of the movie Good Will Hunting, which centers around the genial and antagonistic character of Will Hunting, portrayed by Matt Damon. He stated: "I'm just a taller, slightly less hyperactive version of the Damon character in the movie. I really enjoyed how he probed people and found out their weaknesses just by asking questions and stating outlandish remarks."
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
How to Use Facebook and Twitter to Flirt Your Way to a Date
A male reader of mine friended me on Facebook and suggested we grab a drink or a bite to eat the next time I am in San Francisco. Strangers like to throw it out there immediately, but people you actually know? First there is flirting and finessing!
Now, where there is "game," there are rules—whether or not you choose to acknowledge them. I would apply much of the regular flirting rules to online flirting. However, the difficult terrain is navigating the flow of information-sharing and your reaction time, since it's possible to control it. For example, in person you would laugh immediately at his joke, but online, do you write “LOL” right away, or do you use the 2-day rule? You don’t want to appear too anxious, but if you let him simmer for 48 hours, your reply loses relevance. Well, no one has all the answers. But here’s my best interpretation of the flirting rules as they apply to Facebook and Twitter.
It’s okay to look him up.
The Millionaire Matchmaker once said, “He who speaks first is masculine energy.” I think this means you can search for a guy and friend him, but don’t send him a long synopsis of what happened last night after he left with his buddies. My friend Kelly recommends posting on his wall a cute little statement that doesn’t require a response, so if he does reply, there's a chance he's interested.
Related: 10 Little Dating Mistakes That Could Be Keeping You Single
Keep it clean.
Try not to post anything on your profile that you wouldn’t say in front of your parents. If the guy is big on privacy, he’ll be hesitant to get involved with someone he thinks will kiss and tell.
Rushing responses can seem overly anxious.
In general, the shorter the medium (text message, IM, or wall posts), the quicker you can respond. If it’s an email, I usually reply within 1-24 hours. Also: It’s fine to invite him to a party, but don’t hurry a conversation just because you have an event coming up and you want get to a place where you feel comfortable asking him. Every time I have rushed something out of anxiety for my own schedule, it didn’t work.
Stay honest.
If you tweet that you went to a party you didn’t really go to, the guy might catch you in the lie later. Why brag to get a guy’s attention? It’s insecure. Your Facebook profile should reflect exactly who you are, which is fabulous!
Less is more.
Retain a little mystery—don’t update your status every 5 minutes just to stay visible on his newsfeed. If you give a play-by-play of your life, you can’t possibly be interesting all the time. On Twitter, I stop following people who tweet 9 updates in a row.
Related: 6 Ways to Turn Your Summer Fling Into the Real Thing
A picture is worth a thousand words.
Why not publish an album of last night’s party? Post flattering photos of yourself and yes, it’s okay to tag photos of your crush...but don’t be offended if he untags himself. That’s his prerogative, and guys like to control any and all public information that concerns them.
Watch your word count.
Avoid oversharing or seeming anxious or needy. If he writes 7-word messages, keep your messages short and breezy, too. (This is why Twitter is good, because it forces you to be economical with your words!)
Weave him into a narrative.
If you follow each other on Twitter, mentioning him once (@theguyyoulike) is fine, but if he never mentions you, I wouldn't continue. It’s a creative and passive way to flirt but an interested guy will eventually take it offline and ask you out.
When in doubt, share info in moderation. But don’t worry too much about any of these rules, as the right person will love you no matter what or when or how much you type!
Now, where there is "game," there are rules—whether or not you choose to acknowledge them. I would apply much of the regular flirting rules to online flirting. However, the difficult terrain is navigating the flow of information-sharing and your reaction time, since it's possible to control it. For example, in person you would laugh immediately at his joke, but online, do you write “LOL” right away, or do you use the 2-day rule? You don’t want to appear too anxious, but if you let him simmer for 48 hours, your reply loses relevance. Well, no one has all the answers. But here’s my best interpretation of the flirting rules as they apply to Facebook and Twitter.
It’s okay to look him up.
The Millionaire Matchmaker once said, “He who speaks first is masculine energy.” I think this means you can search for a guy and friend him, but don’t send him a long synopsis of what happened last night after he left with his buddies. My friend Kelly recommends posting on his wall a cute little statement that doesn’t require a response, so if he does reply, there's a chance he's interested.
Related: 10 Little Dating Mistakes That Could Be Keeping You Single
Keep it clean.
Try not to post anything on your profile that you wouldn’t say in front of your parents. If the guy is big on privacy, he’ll be hesitant to get involved with someone he thinks will kiss and tell.
Rushing responses can seem overly anxious.
In general, the shorter the medium (text message, IM, or wall posts), the quicker you can respond. If it’s an email, I usually reply within 1-24 hours. Also: It’s fine to invite him to a party, but don’t hurry a conversation just because you have an event coming up and you want get to a place where you feel comfortable asking him. Every time I have rushed something out of anxiety for my own schedule, it didn’t work.
Stay honest.
If you tweet that you went to a party you didn’t really go to, the guy might catch you in the lie later. Why brag to get a guy’s attention? It’s insecure. Your Facebook profile should reflect exactly who you are, which is fabulous!
Less is more.
Retain a little mystery—don’t update your status every 5 minutes just to stay visible on his newsfeed. If you give a play-by-play of your life, you can’t possibly be interesting all the time. On Twitter, I stop following people who tweet 9 updates in a row.
Related: 6 Ways to Turn Your Summer Fling Into the Real Thing
A picture is worth a thousand words.
Why not publish an album of last night’s party? Post flattering photos of yourself and yes, it’s okay to tag photos of your crush...but don’t be offended if he untags himself. That’s his prerogative, and guys like to control any and all public information that concerns them.
Watch your word count.
Avoid oversharing or seeming anxious or needy. If he writes 7-word messages, keep your messages short and breezy, too. (This is why Twitter is good, because it forces you to be economical with your words!)
Weave him into a narrative.
If you follow each other on Twitter, mentioning him once (@theguyyoulike) is fine, but if he never mentions you, I wouldn't continue. It’s a creative and passive way to flirt but an interested guy will eventually take it offline and ask you out.
When in doubt, share info in moderation. But don’t worry too much about any of these rules, as the right person will love you no matter what or when or how much you type!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Regina Brett 50
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Dating: get what you want!
The realm of romance is full of those moments of 20/20 hindsight — you know, where you think, “I should have said…” or “Oh, if only I’d asked my date about…” And it’s also packed with those times when you sit and ponder, “He said this, but was he really trying to tell me something else?”
Break out of the wishing-and-wondering habit and learn how to communicate really effectively on a date. How? With the help of Laurie Puhn, J.D., communication expert and best-selling author of Instant Persuasion. She recently participated in a live chat, answering questions from our readers. Here, we share the highlights, as Laurie shows you how to be clear about what you need out of a relationship — and get exactly that.
Q: I communicate for a living, but when it comes to my personal life, I don’t seem to be able to “get my way.” What’s up with that?
A: Communicating on a date or in a relationship isn’t about getting your way. The purpose of communication is to reveal your true self and to be open enough that the other person is persuaded to want to be open with you in return, persuaded to want to help you meet your needs. Browse Local Singles At Match.com
I am a: Man Woman Seeking: Men Women Near: Q: How can I get my first date to ask me on a second date?
A: You want to make sure to ask him questions during the first date, about his life, about his day, about himself in general. That’s the best way to show someone you’re interested. And it persuades him to take interest in you.
Q: As a man, what is the best way to make a first connection in a public place — say, at a restaurant?
A: If you’re randomly approaching someone, you want to smile, say something about the restaurant or place you’re in, or why you like it. She is there so obviously she likes it too, so you’ll have something to talk about.
Q: I have very little dating confidence, and I know it shows. What can I do to give off a more confident vibe?
A: Try to go on dates during the day where you don’t feel as much pressure. Go to a coffee shop, a museum. Do something you’d normally do anyway, but take a date.
Q: I can’t seem to get past the first date! I think I make a good impression and chat easily. What am I doing wrong?
A: A major mistake daters make is that they complain while on a date. They might complain about their job or their family or their friends. They think this makes them look open and honest and interesting, but it actually persuades people to dislike them because they are pessimistic. Think about whether you might, unintentionally, be this type of complainer.
Q: How can I find out if the man I’m dating considers me a potential long-term partner?
A: You have to ask yourself questions and accept things that may be hard. Such as does he call you during the week? Does he involve you in multiple aspects of his life? Has he introduced you to his family? Does he help you out when you get very busy? Does he volunteer to do things for you? If the answers are yes, then he may be in it for the long run. If the answers are mostly no’s and he isn’t integrating you into his life, then the relationship is short-term. But there is hope that it can change if you express your intentions in a persuasive way by letting him know why you care about him and what he means to you.
Q: Previous girlfriends have accused me of being overly defensive, when I’m just trying to stand up for myself. What can I do to prevent this from affecting my next relationship?
A: Create a new trigger for yourself. The moment you feel defensive is the moment you should change your words and ask a question, such as “Why do you think that?” Listen to the answer. You might discover your date was never against you and there was nothing you needed to stand up for. Your words are powerful. If you change your words ever so slightly, you change how people respond to you, and you change your life. That’s the message of my book Instant Persuasion.
Q: I tend to be shy with people I don’t know, and I’m worried that I make a bad first impression with dates. What can I do?
A: You can ask the person questions. Perfect your skills as a good listener by asking follow-up questions. Making the other person the center of your attention will help put you at ease, and you’ll persuade him to become interested in you.
Q: I have a hard time trusting women because I’ve been burned more than once. What are some ways I can communicate this and figure out if a woman is being sincere?
A: Be sincere yourself — your honesty will eventually drive her away if she’s insincere. Keep in mind that everybody gets burned — the difference between the winners and the losers is that winners bounce back. And that’s true in every aspect of our lives. Winners aren’t luckier. Winners are persuasive. Winners are resilient.
Q: How do I tell the guy I’m dating that weekends should be couple time and not “let’s hang out with the gang” time?
A: Well, nothing is automatic. Everything must be communicated and negotiated. You want to speak persuasively by explaining to him what exactly you want to do with him on the weekends. He may find the ideas you have to be very interesting. Say what you do want from him, rather than what you don’t want. That’s being instantly persuasive.
Q: I’m a 38-year-old man who’s ready to get married and have a family. What’s the right way to say this to the women I’m dating? I don’t want to sound like I’m only interested in a woman as a potential mother to my children.
A: Well, you can’t be 100 percent ready until you meet the woman who’s going to be the mother of your children. Perhaps what you really mean is that you’re at a point in your life where you’re financially and emotionally secure. So talk about that. Talk about what you’ve learned in your life.
Q: How can I find out if someone is for real without asking too many questions first?
A: You don’t have to ask questions, just pay attention — people reveal themselves on their own. If a man is consistently late, he shows you that he doesn’t really care. If a woman talks to you about all the other men that she is attracted to, it tells you she’s in it for the game. Pay attention to the little moments and you will learn a lot — our words are always persuading people to like or dislike us, respect or disrespect us. We have the power to choose our words wisely to make sure that we are winning people over.
Break out of the wishing-and-wondering habit and learn how to communicate really effectively on a date. How? With the help of Laurie Puhn, J.D., communication expert and best-selling author of Instant Persuasion. She recently participated in a live chat, answering questions from our readers. Here, we share the highlights, as Laurie shows you how to be clear about what you need out of a relationship — and get exactly that.
Q: I communicate for a living, but when it comes to my personal life, I don’t seem to be able to “get my way.” What’s up with that?
A: Communicating on a date or in a relationship isn’t about getting your way. The purpose of communication is to reveal your true self and to be open enough that the other person is persuaded to want to be open with you in return, persuaded to want to help you meet your needs. Browse Local Singles At Match.com
I am a: Man Woman Seeking: Men Women Near: Q: How can I get my first date to ask me on a second date?
A: You want to make sure to ask him questions during the first date, about his life, about his day, about himself in general. That’s the best way to show someone you’re interested. And it persuades him to take interest in you.
Q: As a man, what is the best way to make a first connection in a public place — say, at a restaurant?
A: If you’re randomly approaching someone, you want to smile, say something about the restaurant or place you’re in, or why you like it. She is there so obviously she likes it too, so you’ll have something to talk about.
Q: I have very little dating confidence, and I know it shows. What can I do to give off a more confident vibe?
A: Try to go on dates during the day where you don’t feel as much pressure. Go to a coffee shop, a museum. Do something you’d normally do anyway, but take a date.
Q: I can’t seem to get past the first date! I think I make a good impression and chat easily. What am I doing wrong?
A: A major mistake daters make is that they complain while on a date. They might complain about their job or their family or their friends. They think this makes them look open and honest and interesting, but it actually persuades people to dislike them because they are pessimistic. Think about whether you might, unintentionally, be this type of complainer.
Q: How can I find out if the man I’m dating considers me a potential long-term partner?
A: You have to ask yourself questions and accept things that may be hard. Such as does he call you during the week? Does he involve you in multiple aspects of his life? Has he introduced you to his family? Does he help you out when you get very busy? Does he volunteer to do things for you? If the answers are yes, then he may be in it for the long run. If the answers are mostly no’s and he isn’t integrating you into his life, then the relationship is short-term. But there is hope that it can change if you express your intentions in a persuasive way by letting him know why you care about him and what he means to you.
Q: Previous girlfriends have accused me of being overly defensive, when I’m just trying to stand up for myself. What can I do to prevent this from affecting my next relationship?
A: Create a new trigger for yourself. The moment you feel defensive is the moment you should change your words and ask a question, such as “Why do you think that?” Listen to the answer. You might discover your date was never against you and there was nothing you needed to stand up for. Your words are powerful. If you change your words ever so slightly, you change how people respond to you, and you change your life. That’s the message of my book Instant Persuasion.
Q: I tend to be shy with people I don’t know, and I’m worried that I make a bad first impression with dates. What can I do?
A: You can ask the person questions. Perfect your skills as a good listener by asking follow-up questions. Making the other person the center of your attention will help put you at ease, and you’ll persuade him to become interested in you.
Q: I have a hard time trusting women because I’ve been burned more than once. What are some ways I can communicate this and figure out if a woman is being sincere?
A: Be sincere yourself — your honesty will eventually drive her away if she’s insincere. Keep in mind that everybody gets burned — the difference between the winners and the losers is that winners bounce back. And that’s true in every aspect of our lives. Winners aren’t luckier. Winners are persuasive. Winners are resilient.
Q: How do I tell the guy I’m dating that weekends should be couple time and not “let’s hang out with the gang” time?
A: Well, nothing is automatic. Everything must be communicated and negotiated. You want to speak persuasively by explaining to him what exactly you want to do with him on the weekends. He may find the ideas you have to be very interesting. Say what you do want from him, rather than what you don’t want. That’s being instantly persuasive.
Q: I’m a 38-year-old man who’s ready to get married and have a family. What’s the right way to say this to the women I’m dating? I don’t want to sound like I’m only interested in a woman as a potential mother to my children.
A: Well, you can’t be 100 percent ready until you meet the woman who’s going to be the mother of your children. Perhaps what you really mean is that you’re at a point in your life where you’re financially and emotionally secure. So talk about that. Talk about what you’ve learned in your life.
Q: How can I find out if someone is for real without asking too many questions first?
A: You don’t have to ask questions, just pay attention — people reveal themselves on their own. If a man is consistently late, he shows you that he doesn’t really care. If a woman talks to you about all the other men that she is attracted to, it tells you she’s in it for the game. Pay attention to the little moments and you will learn a lot — our words are always persuading people to like or dislike us, respect or disrespect us. We have the power to choose our words wisely to make sure that we are winning people over.
Instant persuasion : how to change your words to change your life / by Laurie Puhn
Summary "Whether or not you know it, we are all in a position to get what we want - every day. We just need to know the right words for every situation to persuade people to help us get it. Instant Persuasion gives us those words." "In this book, Harvard-educated lawyer and mediator Laurie Puhn translates complex mediation skills into simple, practical communication rules that can easily be applied to everyday situations."
Full contents
Rule 1. Punch with a smile --
Rule 2. Spread gossip --
Rule 3. Complain with impact --
Rule 4. Use the two-part apology --
Rule 5. Avoid superficial offers --
Rule 6. Right your wrongs --
Rule 7. Don't take sides --
Rule 8. Find factual solutions --
Rule 9. Hold your tongue --
Rule 10. Beware of uncomplimentary compliments --
Rule 11. Magnify praise --
Rule 12. Close the deal --
Rule 13. Save it for later --
Rule 14. Make people your partners --
Rule 15. Acknowledge others in a new way --
Rule 16. Show you care --
Rule 17. Give a final answer --
Rule 18. Prepare your evidence --
Rule 19. Get off the hook --
Rule 20. Appreciate criticism --
Rule 21. Get a green light --
Rule 22. Rein in roaming anger --
Rule 23. Avoid empty gestures --
Rule 24. Create comfort in a difficult time --
Rule 25. Ask and you'll receive --
Rule 26. Earn your favors --
Rule 27. Disagree without being disagreeable --
Rule 28. Be a party-wise host --
Rule 29. Don't cave under pressure.
Full contents
Rule 1. Punch with a smile --
Rule 2. Spread gossip --
Rule 3. Complain with impact --
Rule 4. Use the two-part apology --
Rule 5. Avoid superficial offers --
Rule 6. Right your wrongs --
Rule 7. Don't take sides --
Rule 8. Find factual solutions --
Rule 9. Hold your tongue --
Rule 10. Beware of uncomplimentary compliments --
Rule 11. Magnify praise --
Rule 12. Close the deal --
Rule 13. Save it for later --
Rule 14. Make people your partners --
Rule 15. Acknowledge others in a new way --
Rule 16. Show you care --
Rule 17. Give a final answer --
Rule 18. Prepare your evidence --
Rule 19. Get off the hook --
Rule 20. Appreciate criticism --
Rule 21. Get a green light --
Rule 22. Rein in roaming anger --
Rule 23. Avoid empty gestures --
Rule 24. Create comfort in a difficult time --
Rule 25. Ask and you'll receive --
Rule 26. Earn your favors --
Rule 27. Disagree without being disagreeable --
Rule 28. Be a party-wise host --
Rule 29. Don't cave under pressure.
Instant Persuasion
How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life
by Laurie Puhn
Tarcher/Penguin, 2005
This communication guide offers 35 rules for mastering the fine art of verbal persuasion. Whatever the social situation, it explains what "communication blunders" to avoid and "communication wonders" to employ.
"The wonders persuade people to like, listen to, cooperate with and respect you so that people will help you get what you want in life," lawyer and professional mediator Laurie Puhn explains.
"After noticing many of the same basic communication mistakes occurring over and over again in mediations, I knew there was a need for people to have better persuasive skills. The specific words people choose to say often have more influence on the outcome of the mediation process than does the content of what is being said."
Viewing the mediation setting as a microcosm for real-world conversations, Puhn developed the 35 rules described and illustrated with anecdotal examples throughout this book, from Rule #1 Punch With a Smile to Rule #35 Pay With Words.
It is surprising how little awareness most folks have of the impact their words have on those around them. Being outspoken and expressing your feelings or opinions can sometimes have a devastating impact on the listener. As Puhn explains in Rule #9 Hold Your Tongue, we should give advice only when asked for it, or after getting permission to give after asking, "Would you like my advice?"
Puhn intersperses her 35 rules with real-world examples, some rather obvious and others genuinely entertertaining and instructive.
by Laurie Puhn
Tarcher/Penguin, 2005
This communication guide offers 35 rules for mastering the fine art of verbal persuasion. Whatever the social situation, it explains what "communication blunders" to avoid and "communication wonders" to employ.
"The wonders persuade people to like, listen to, cooperate with and respect you so that people will help you get what you want in life," lawyer and professional mediator Laurie Puhn explains.
"After noticing many of the same basic communication mistakes occurring over and over again in mediations, I knew there was a need for people to have better persuasive skills. The specific words people choose to say often have more influence on the outcome of the mediation process than does the content of what is being said."
Viewing the mediation setting as a microcosm for real-world conversations, Puhn developed the 35 rules described and illustrated with anecdotal examples throughout this book, from Rule #1 Punch With a Smile to Rule #35 Pay With Words.
It is surprising how little awareness most folks have of the impact their words have on those around them. Being outspoken and expressing your feelings or opinions can sometimes have a devastating impact on the listener. As Puhn explains in Rule #9 Hold Your Tongue, we should give advice only when asked for it, or after getting permission to give after asking, "Would you like my advice?"
Puhn intersperses her 35 rules with real-world examples, some rather obvious and others genuinely entertertaining and instructive.
Eating Fruit - this opened my eyes.
Dr Stephen Mak is a friend of mine at the BSF course. He told me he treats terminal ill cancer patients by "un-orthodox" way and many patients recovered. He explains to me before he is using solar energy to clear the illnesses of his patients. He believes on natural healing in the body against illnesses. See the article below.
Thanks for the email on fruits and juices. It is one of the strategies to heal cancer. As of late, my success rate in curing cancer is about 80%. Cancer patients shouldn't die. The cure for cancer is already found. It is whether you believe it or not? I am sorry for the hundreds of cancer patients who die under the conventional treatments.. Very few can live for 5 years under the convenctional treatments and most live for only about 2 to 3 years. The conventional treatments do not make any difference because most cancer patients also live for about 2 to 3 years without undergoing any treatment. It is difficult to cure those cancer patients who have undergone chemo and radiotherapy as their cells are toxic and weak. When there is a relapse, the cancer will spread very fast as the resistance is poor.
Thanks and God bless.
Dr Stephen Mak
EATING FRUIT...
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It's long but very informative
�
We all think eating fruits means just buying fruits, cutting it and just popping it into our mouths. It's not as easy as you think. It's important to know how and when to eat.
�
What is the correct way of eating fruits?
�
IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUITS AFTER YOUR MEALS! * FRUITS SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.
�
If you eat fruit like that, it will play a major role to detoxify your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.
�
FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD.Let's say you eat two slices of bread and then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it is prevented from doing so.
�
In the meantime the whole meal rots and ferments and turns to acid.. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil....
�
So please eat your fruits on an empty stomach or before your meals! You have heard people complaining — every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats up, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet, etc — actually all this will not arise if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. The fruit mixes with the putrifying other food and produces gas and hence you will bloat!
�
Graying hair, balding, nervous outburst, and dark circles under the eyes all these will NOThappen if you take fruits on an empty stomach.
�
There is no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruits become alkaline in our body, according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter. If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruits, you have the Secret of beauty, longevity, health, energy, happiness and normal weight.
�
When you need to drink fruit juice - drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT from the cans. Don't even drink juice that has been heated up. Don't eat cooked fruits because you don't get the nutrients at all. You only get to taste. Cooking destroys all the vitamins.
�
But eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice.. If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it. You can go on a 3-day fruit fast to cleanse your body. Just eat fruits and drink fruit juice throughout the 3 days and you will be surprised when your friends tell you how radiant you look!
�
KIWI: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E & fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.
�
APPLE: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.
�
STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals.
�
ORANGE : Sweetest medicine. Taking 2-4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessens the risk of colon cancer.
�
WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene — the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are vitamin C & Potassium.
�
GUAVA & PAPAYA:Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene; this is good for your eyes.
�
Drinking Cold water after a meal = Cancer! Can u believe this?? For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
�
A serious note about heart attacks HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE': (THIS IS NOT A JOKE!) Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. Sixty percent of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive.
�
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.
Read this....It could save your life!!
Thanks for the email on fruits and juices. It is one of the strategies to heal cancer. As of late, my success rate in curing cancer is about 80%. Cancer patients shouldn't die. The cure for cancer is already found. It is whether you believe it or not? I am sorry for the hundreds of cancer patients who die under the conventional treatments.. Very few can live for 5 years under the convenctional treatments and most live for only about 2 to 3 years. The conventional treatments do not make any difference because most cancer patients also live for about 2 to 3 years without undergoing any treatment. It is difficult to cure those cancer patients who have undergone chemo and radiotherapy as their cells are toxic and weak. When there is a relapse, the cancer will spread very fast as the resistance is poor.
Thanks and God bless.
Dr Stephen Mak
EATING FRUIT...
Error! Filename not specified.
It's long but very informative
�
We all think eating fruits means just buying fruits, cutting it and just popping it into our mouths. It's not as easy as you think. It's important to know how and when to eat.
�
What is the correct way of eating fruits?
�
IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUITS AFTER YOUR MEALS! * FRUITS SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.
�
If you eat fruit like that, it will play a major role to detoxify your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.
�
FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD.Let's say you eat two slices of bread and then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it is prevented from doing so.
�
In the meantime the whole meal rots and ferments and turns to acid.. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil....
�
So please eat your fruits on an empty stomach or before your meals! You have heard people complaining — every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats up, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet, etc — actually all this will not arise if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. The fruit mixes with the putrifying other food and produces gas and hence you will bloat!
�
Graying hair, balding, nervous outburst, and dark circles under the eyes all these will NOThappen if you take fruits on an empty stomach.
�
There is no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruits become alkaline in our body, according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter. If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruits, you have the Secret of beauty, longevity, health, energy, happiness and normal weight.
�
When you need to drink fruit juice - drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT from the cans. Don't even drink juice that has been heated up. Don't eat cooked fruits because you don't get the nutrients at all. You only get to taste. Cooking destroys all the vitamins.
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But eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice.. If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it. You can go on a 3-day fruit fast to cleanse your body. Just eat fruits and drink fruit juice throughout the 3 days and you will be surprised when your friends tell you how radiant you look!
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KIWI: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E & fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.
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APPLE: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.
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STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals.
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ORANGE : Sweetest medicine. Taking 2-4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessens the risk of colon cancer.
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WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene — the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are vitamin C & Potassium.
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GUAVA & PAPAYA:Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene; this is good for your eyes.
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Drinking Cold water after a meal = Cancer! Can u believe this?? For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
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A serious note about heart attacks HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE': (THIS IS NOT A JOKE!) Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. Sixty percent of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive.
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A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.
Read this....It could save your life!!
7 magical conversational phrases
No one ever said date-night conversation was easy. Some of us tend to clam up; others of us yak non-stop due to nerves. But, with some insider advice, you can learn to focus your chit-chat in a way that will have your date seeing you at your very best. All you need are the right words — and no, we’re not talking about overused phrases like “You look great tonight.” The best conversational strategies are far less obvious, which only add to their power. Try floating a few of these key phrases and watch them work their magic.
Smart phrase #1: “Tell me more about it”
Congratulations, you two have graduated beyond small talk and have delved into a meatier topic — namely, a problem he or she’s struggling with at work or in some other area of life. You, in a sincere effort to be helpful, offer a solution. Suddenly, that bonding moment you two were carefully cultivating freezes over as your date icily says, “Well, it’s not that easy...” What happened? In short, you gave unsolicited advice, an all-too-common conversational faux pas — especially for men, who are often accused of trying to “fix” women’s problems. Both genders, however, should take care to hold their tongues at any point they’re tempted to offer a solution. Instead, encourage your date to keep talking by saying, “Tell me more about it.” Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!
I am a: Man Woman Seeking a: Man Woman Near: We’re not saying you should never share your brilliant ideas with your dates; just be sure to give them space to vent for awhile. Then — and this is crucial — ask for their permission with, “Would you like my advice?” If you’ve given your date ample time to get things out in the open, he or she should be more than happy to listen.
Smart phrase #2: “What are the reasons for your opinion?”
Oh, no! Your date’s in favor of deepwater drilling. You, on the other hand, have marched in every petroleum-use protest within a hundred miles of your hometown. We’re not saying you two are doomed; in fact, butting heads a bit is a great way to get to know each other, not to mention make some sparks fly. So by all means, share your opinion — just do so after you’ve asked your date to speak first with a diplomatic, “What are the reasons for your opinion?” This, my friends, is the difference between an engaging conversation and an instant turn-off.
Smart phrase #3: “I never thought of it that way”
Want to make your date’s day? That’s simple: After explaining his or her viewpoint on anything from a current event to a celeb’s odd behavior, ponder the comment and say, “I never thought of it that way.” Saying this doesn’t mean you think your date is a genius, it merely shows that you’re being influenced by that person’s thoughts and opinions. And once someone senses that you respect other ideas than your own, the ensuing ego boost will keep that certain someone coming back for more. (Note: This comment works wonders when combined with smart phrase #2.)
Smart phrase #4: “That must have upset you”
One moment, the person sitting across from you is ranting non-stop about how her younger brother borrowed her car and totaled it while speeding. But the minute you try to jump on the bashing bandwagon by blurting, “Your brother sure sounds like a loose cannon!” or some such comment, your date suddenly makes an about-face and says, “Actually, my brother has his flaws but he is a great guy. I’m sure you weren’t perfect when you were 22, either.”
The real problem is, you took sides — and insulted someone your date cares for deeply, in spite of the occasional gripes he or she might have. Stay neutral and say something sympathetic like “That must have upset you,” or “I can understand how that would annoy you.” This way, you show compassion and empathy without hitting any landmines.
Smart phrase #5: “How did it go?”
Sooner or later, your date may mention an upcoming event that’s important, whether it’s a third job interview, a granddad’s triple-bypass operation, or a best friend’s wedding. Take note when you hear these tidbits, since they will turn into prime opportunities to show your date you were listening later with a “So how did that interview/surgery/wedding go?” While it may seem obvious to follow up on occurrences like this, they are easy to forget, especially if they’re not of life-and-death magnitude. Or, your date may soon squander your chance by volunteering the information with a “So my interview went well...” Bottom line: Dates do like to be asked about things they’ve mentioned to you already — make a point of ponying up as soon as you see each other and your date will think, “Wow, how thoughtful.”
Smart phrase #6: “You are a really generous person”
Many people, especially men, are quick with the compliments: “You have the most gorgeous eyes,” “You look beautiful in that dress.” Your date will love it, at first. But then the compliments wear off and so does the reciprocal interest in you. What’s going on? The problem is, you’re focused on superficial qualities when people often prefer to be recognized for who they are on the inside. One’s personality, warmth, generosity, compassion — these things are desirable virtues. So try complimenting an internal quality. Say something like, “It was so thoughtful of you to ______ (for example, “go out of your way to meet me here”), or “You are a ______ (fill in with “caring” “honest,” etc…) person. I really like that about you.”
Smart phrase #7: “I really admire that”
Everyone loves to be admired and loves to be around people who admire them. So, look for opportunities to make your date feel proud. If your date shares a story about taking a risk, switching jobs and ending up in a better position, say something like, “That takes courage. I admire that.” If your date tells you a story about how he or she got a friend out of a bind, say “I admire that kind of loyalty.” How do you know your comments are winning your date over? You’ll see an instant smile.
Smart phrase #1: “Tell me more about it”
Congratulations, you two have graduated beyond small talk and have delved into a meatier topic — namely, a problem he or she’s struggling with at work or in some other area of life. You, in a sincere effort to be helpful, offer a solution. Suddenly, that bonding moment you two were carefully cultivating freezes over as your date icily says, “Well, it’s not that easy...” What happened? In short, you gave unsolicited advice, an all-too-common conversational faux pas — especially for men, who are often accused of trying to “fix” women’s problems. Both genders, however, should take care to hold their tongues at any point they’re tempted to offer a solution. Instead, encourage your date to keep talking by saying, “Tell me more about it.” Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!
I am a: Man Woman Seeking a: Man Woman Near: We’re not saying you should never share your brilliant ideas with your dates; just be sure to give them space to vent for awhile. Then — and this is crucial — ask for their permission with, “Would you like my advice?” If you’ve given your date ample time to get things out in the open, he or she should be more than happy to listen.
Smart phrase #2: “What are the reasons for your opinion?”
Oh, no! Your date’s in favor of deepwater drilling. You, on the other hand, have marched in every petroleum-use protest within a hundred miles of your hometown. We’re not saying you two are doomed; in fact, butting heads a bit is a great way to get to know each other, not to mention make some sparks fly. So by all means, share your opinion — just do so after you’ve asked your date to speak first with a diplomatic, “What are the reasons for your opinion?” This, my friends, is the difference between an engaging conversation and an instant turn-off.
Smart phrase #3: “I never thought of it that way”
Want to make your date’s day? That’s simple: After explaining his or her viewpoint on anything from a current event to a celeb’s odd behavior, ponder the comment and say, “I never thought of it that way.” Saying this doesn’t mean you think your date is a genius, it merely shows that you’re being influenced by that person’s thoughts and opinions. And once someone senses that you respect other ideas than your own, the ensuing ego boost will keep that certain someone coming back for more. (Note: This comment works wonders when combined with smart phrase #2.)
Smart phrase #4: “That must have upset you”
One moment, the person sitting across from you is ranting non-stop about how her younger brother borrowed her car and totaled it while speeding. But the minute you try to jump on the bashing bandwagon by blurting, “Your brother sure sounds like a loose cannon!” or some such comment, your date suddenly makes an about-face and says, “Actually, my brother has his flaws but he is a great guy. I’m sure you weren’t perfect when you were 22, either.”
The real problem is, you took sides — and insulted someone your date cares for deeply, in spite of the occasional gripes he or she might have. Stay neutral and say something sympathetic like “That must have upset you,” or “I can understand how that would annoy you.” This way, you show compassion and empathy without hitting any landmines.
Smart phrase #5: “How did it go?”
Sooner or later, your date may mention an upcoming event that’s important, whether it’s a third job interview, a granddad’s triple-bypass operation, or a best friend’s wedding. Take note when you hear these tidbits, since they will turn into prime opportunities to show your date you were listening later with a “So how did that interview/surgery/wedding go?” While it may seem obvious to follow up on occurrences like this, they are easy to forget, especially if they’re not of life-and-death magnitude. Or, your date may soon squander your chance by volunteering the information with a “So my interview went well...” Bottom line: Dates do like to be asked about things they’ve mentioned to you already — make a point of ponying up as soon as you see each other and your date will think, “Wow, how thoughtful.”
Smart phrase #6: “You are a really generous person”
Many people, especially men, are quick with the compliments: “You have the most gorgeous eyes,” “You look beautiful in that dress.” Your date will love it, at first. But then the compliments wear off and so does the reciprocal interest in you. What’s going on? The problem is, you’re focused on superficial qualities when people often prefer to be recognized for who they are on the inside. One’s personality, warmth, generosity, compassion — these things are desirable virtues. So try complimenting an internal quality. Say something like, “It was so thoughtful of you to ______ (for example, “go out of your way to meet me here”), or “You are a ______ (fill in with “caring” “honest,” etc…) person. I really like that about you.”
Smart phrase #7: “I really admire that”
Everyone loves to be admired and loves to be around people who admire them. So, look for opportunities to make your date feel proud. If your date shares a story about taking a risk, switching jobs and ending up in a better position, say something like, “That takes courage. I admire that.” If your date tells you a story about how he or she got a friend out of a bind, say “I admire that kind of loyalty.” How do you know your comments are winning your date over? You’ll see an instant smile.
Friday, July 23, 2010
More hang-ups than hits in smartphone market
If we are buying so many smartphones these days, why is the phone industry smarting so much?
Just after the mid-point of 2010, a year marked by the re-emergence of Motorola and design savvy of HTC, we are witnessing notable hardware departures from Microsoft and, gasp, Google. Even Apple, which continues to set the smartphone pace, is licking its wounds from the enormous amount of unfavorable press surrounding the iPhone 4's faulty antenna design.
So while so much has gone right in smartphone development -- sales are expected to continue to rise rapidly -- there is much carnage in the marketplace.
Five failed signals
-- After only a few months on the market and backed by a significant marketing campaign, Microsoft pulled the largely well-reviewed Kin 1 and Kin 2 from the market.
-- Last week, Google said it will stop selling the Nexus One phone, the search giant's much-hyped foray into hardware development.
-- We almost said goodbye to the Palm product line-up until HP came in with a $1 billion lifeline to salvage that platform.
-- BlackBerry sales continue to slide as its once must-have phones are failing to keep pace with fresh approaches from Apple and Android.
-- Nokia (NOK), the world's leading mobile phone maker, is a non-factor in the smartphone race. Its much-heralded new product, the N8, is delayed.
-- Apple, of course, needed to put a band aid on the black eye that surrounds the iPhone 4.
Interestingly, there's a common denominator among these failures and hiccups. The products -- save for the missing Nokia N8 -- are innovative.
Verizon the problem for Microsoft
Microsoft's two Kin models were intended as social networking phones for teens and 20-somethings. Inspired by the success of the similar T-Mobile Sidekick, Microsoft was not wrong in its approach or execution. Indeed, the phone got raves from top reviewers like the New York Times David Pogue, who wrote that "Microsoft had three genuinely great ideas" with the Kin.
So what went wrong? Well, changing Microsoft's perception into a hip and interesting company is not easy. More significantly, Microsoft picked the wrong wireless partner, Verizon. The nation's top carrier did a lousy job of marketing the Kin phones for Microsoft, instead pushing customers toward smartphones such as the original Motorola Droid, which Verizon heavily markets. After the Kin was pulled, Microsoft employees who secretly shopped Verizon for smartphones reported that Verizon salespeople rarely mentioned the Kin as a worthy product.
If Microsoft had gone with T-Mobile, with its reputation as a hip carrier for younger people due to the Sidekick's success, the story might have been different. At least it would have lasted longer.
Google still gains from Nexus One
The Nexus One drop, on the other hand, was not surprising. The fact that Google launched its own phone in the first place was more unforeseen. Regardless, tech-savvy consumers and media pundits put heavy (and, in retrospect, unwarranted) expectations on an Android-based phone that competed against more established Android phones from Motorola, HTC and other manufacturers.
Now it's clear that Google launched the Nexus One as a loss-leader of sorts, using it as a showcase for Android at a time when few other phone makers were stretching the capabilities of the mobile operating system. But Google didn't really stretch those boundaries with the Nexus One either; rather, it hoped by slapping the Google name on a phone it would serve as a marketing tool for Android. That was the real plan, and it worked.
So when HTC and Motorola came out with great Android phones like the Evo, Incredible, and Droid X, Google quietly pulled the plug on the Nexus One.
Google vs. Apple is the real story
Of course, the reason for the troubles surrounding many phone makers and platforms is the battle between Apple and Google.
Apple has captured our imagination in what smartphones can do, something the traditional phone makers had not expressed as well prior to the iPhone's launch three years ago.
Sure, the BlackBerry (RIMM) sold very well and there was traction among Windows-based smartphones, but the iPhone was a unique product -- not just a portable computer and not just an email device -- that allowed for business and social activities to blend on the go. Apple's success pushed Google into the mobile market, but the Nexus One illustrated that Google is a great software company but not a hardware firm. Hence, Google will continue to make deals with phone makers who can innovate -- again, look at HTC and Motorola -- within that framework.
The future for BlackBerry, Nokia and Palm
It is widely believed that Research in Motion, the maker of the BlackBerry phones, will introduce another touchscreen phone this fall. Also, and more significantly, RIM should unveil a new operating system better suited for touch-screen products and partnerships with third-party app developers. With sales slipping, RIM is dangerously close to losing its grip on business customers -- its bread-and-butter clientele -- as the iPhone and Android products have proven to be attractive for road warriors.
Nokia's problems are more complex. In the wake of Apple's success, Nokia launched its own version of the App Store -- called Ovi -- and encouraged developers to create apps. But the approach hasn't worked well, particularly in the U.S., in large part because there are no compelling Nokia smartphones to lure customers.
As a result, Nokia faces two significant problems.
First, it needs a cool product. The phone maker once led with innovations like the N95, a fantastic media phone that was among the first to shoot high-quality video and take sharp pictures. I loved that phone. But that was launched at about the same time as the original iPhone in 2007, and was Nokia's last great phone. A promising successor, the N8, offers cool features like a 12-megapixel camera and HD-quality video recording, but the launch has been delayed from the spring and it could arrive in October. The N8's problem: Vlad Savov wrote in a June Engadget preview that "Nokia has put together a growling multimedia powerhouse, but the OS is so far from being fully baked we can still see the dough."
Thus, Nokia's second problem: leadership. According to a Tuesday Wall Street Journal story, Nokia is searching for a new CEO because its sales and stock price continue to fall. Also, it is looking at scrapping the Symbian platform for smartphones and is instead developing a new platform with Intel Corp., called MeeGo, to run its smartphones.
And then there is Palm, a story that will be developing for some time. The Palm Pre and Palm Pre Plus are well-regarded products, yet consumers are not buying. But instead of going out of business -- a very real possibility -- Palm was purchased by HP for about $1 billion. That's a pricey number, but it gives HP (HPQ) a potentially sexy product in a smartphone market it has had trouble with (who owns an iPaq?) and Palm a realistic shot at staying in the game.
Hopefully, the purchase will work out better for HP than Microsoft's and Google's recent forays into the smartphone space. Otherwise, expect more carnage in a market that, as it grows, eats its competition.
Just after the mid-point of 2010, a year marked by the re-emergence of Motorola and design savvy of HTC, we are witnessing notable hardware departures from Microsoft and, gasp, Google. Even Apple, which continues to set the smartphone pace, is licking its wounds from the enormous amount of unfavorable press surrounding the iPhone 4's faulty antenna design.
So while so much has gone right in smartphone development -- sales are expected to continue to rise rapidly -- there is much carnage in the marketplace.
Five failed signals
-- After only a few months on the market and backed by a significant marketing campaign, Microsoft pulled the largely well-reviewed Kin 1 and Kin 2 from the market.
-- Last week, Google said it will stop selling the Nexus One phone, the search giant's much-hyped foray into hardware development.
-- We almost said goodbye to the Palm product line-up until HP came in with a $1 billion lifeline to salvage that platform.
-- BlackBerry sales continue to slide as its once must-have phones are failing to keep pace with fresh approaches from Apple and Android.
-- Nokia (NOK), the world's leading mobile phone maker, is a non-factor in the smartphone race. Its much-heralded new product, the N8, is delayed.
-- Apple, of course, needed to put a band aid on the black eye that surrounds the iPhone 4.
Interestingly, there's a common denominator among these failures and hiccups. The products -- save for the missing Nokia N8 -- are innovative.
Verizon the problem for Microsoft
Microsoft's two Kin models were intended as social networking phones for teens and 20-somethings. Inspired by the success of the similar T-Mobile Sidekick, Microsoft was not wrong in its approach or execution. Indeed, the phone got raves from top reviewers like the New York Times David Pogue, who wrote that "Microsoft had three genuinely great ideas" with the Kin.
So what went wrong? Well, changing Microsoft's perception into a hip and interesting company is not easy. More significantly, Microsoft picked the wrong wireless partner, Verizon. The nation's top carrier did a lousy job of marketing the Kin phones for Microsoft, instead pushing customers toward smartphones such as the original Motorola Droid, which Verizon heavily markets. After the Kin was pulled, Microsoft employees who secretly shopped Verizon for smartphones reported that Verizon salespeople rarely mentioned the Kin as a worthy product.
If Microsoft had gone with T-Mobile, with its reputation as a hip carrier for younger people due to the Sidekick's success, the story might have been different. At least it would have lasted longer.
Google still gains from Nexus One
The Nexus One drop, on the other hand, was not surprising. The fact that Google launched its own phone in the first place was more unforeseen. Regardless, tech-savvy consumers and media pundits put heavy (and, in retrospect, unwarranted) expectations on an Android-based phone that competed against more established Android phones from Motorola, HTC and other manufacturers.
Now it's clear that Google launched the Nexus One as a loss-leader of sorts, using it as a showcase for Android at a time when few other phone makers were stretching the capabilities of the mobile operating system. But Google didn't really stretch those boundaries with the Nexus One either; rather, it hoped by slapping the Google name on a phone it would serve as a marketing tool for Android. That was the real plan, and it worked.
So when HTC and Motorola came out with great Android phones like the Evo, Incredible, and Droid X, Google quietly pulled the plug on the Nexus One.
Google vs. Apple is the real story
Of course, the reason for the troubles surrounding many phone makers and platforms is the battle between Apple and Google.
Apple has captured our imagination in what smartphones can do, something the traditional phone makers had not expressed as well prior to the iPhone's launch three years ago.
Sure, the BlackBerry (RIMM) sold very well and there was traction among Windows-based smartphones, but the iPhone was a unique product -- not just a portable computer and not just an email device -- that allowed for business and social activities to blend on the go. Apple's success pushed Google into the mobile market, but the Nexus One illustrated that Google is a great software company but not a hardware firm. Hence, Google will continue to make deals with phone makers who can innovate -- again, look at HTC and Motorola -- within that framework.
The future for BlackBerry, Nokia and Palm
It is widely believed that Research in Motion, the maker of the BlackBerry phones, will introduce another touchscreen phone this fall. Also, and more significantly, RIM should unveil a new operating system better suited for touch-screen products and partnerships with third-party app developers. With sales slipping, RIM is dangerously close to losing its grip on business customers -- its bread-and-butter clientele -- as the iPhone and Android products have proven to be attractive for road warriors.
Nokia's problems are more complex. In the wake of Apple's success, Nokia launched its own version of the App Store -- called Ovi -- and encouraged developers to create apps. But the approach hasn't worked well, particularly in the U.S., in large part because there are no compelling Nokia smartphones to lure customers.
As a result, Nokia faces two significant problems.
First, it needs a cool product. The phone maker once led with innovations like the N95, a fantastic media phone that was among the first to shoot high-quality video and take sharp pictures. I loved that phone. But that was launched at about the same time as the original iPhone in 2007, and was Nokia's last great phone. A promising successor, the N8, offers cool features like a 12-megapixel camera and HD-quality video recording, but the launch has been delayed from the spring and it could arrive in October. The N8's problem: Vlad Savov wrote in a June Engadget preview that "Nokia has put together a growling multimedia powerhouse, but the OS is so far from being fully baked we can still see the dough."
Thus, Nokia's second problem: leadership. According to a Tuesday Wall Street Journal story, Nokia is searching for a new CEO because its sales and stock price continue to fall. Also, it is looking at scrapping the Symbian platform for smartphones and is instead developing a new platform with Intel Corp., called MeeGo, to run its smartphones.
And then there is Palm, a story that will be developing for some time. The Palm Pre and Palm Pre Plus are well-regarded products, yet consumers are not buying. But instead of going out of business -- a very real possibility -- Palm was purchased by HP for about $1 billion. That's a pricey number, but it gives HP (HPQ) a potentially sexy product in a smartphone market it has had trouble with (who owns an iPaq?) and Palm a realistic shot at staying in the game.
Hopefully, the purchase will work out better for HP than Microsoft's and Google's recent forays into the smartphone space. Otherwise, expect more carnage in a market that, as it grows, eats its competition.
Galaxy Phones From Samsung Are Worthy iPhone Rivals
The war of the super-smartphones continues to heat up, and, at the moment, most of the combat seems to be between Apple's iPhone and the multiplying array of competitors running Google's Android (NASDAQ: GOOG - News) operating system.
Despite the weak economy, consumers seem to crave these hand-held computers, which typically cost around $200. Apple this week said it can't make enough of its new iPhone 4 models to meet strong demand. HTC, the Taiwanese-based manufacturer behind many of the better-known Android phones, also is struggling to meet demand for models like the Droid Incredible on Verizon and the Evo 4G on Sprint.
Now, the Korean electronics giant, Samsung, has begun rolling out an impressive new line of iPhone competitors that run on Android. These new super-smartphones are called the Galaxy S Series, and Samsung has managed to get all four top U.S. wireless carriers to agree to start selling them this summer. They share most of the same guts, but carry different model names and exterior designs.
I've been testing the first two Galaxy S phones, the T-Mobile Vibrant and the AT&T Captivate (NYSE: T - News), both of which cost $200 with a two-year contract. Neither has all the features of Apple's latest model, like a front-facing camera for video calls or an ultra-high resolution screen, but they are worthy competitors. They have some attributes the iPhone lacks, like bigger screens and better integration of social networking.
The T-Mobile Vibrant has rounded corners and a prominent border that make it look very much like last year's iPhone 3GS model. The AT&T Captivate is more angular and, to my taste, looks sleeker. Though the two phones share the same battery, the Vibrant claims better battery life. The Vibrant is longer but a bit lighter.
Both phones are multi-touch models which lack physical keyboards, though the upcoming Sprint version, the Epic, will have a slide-out physical keyboard and a front-facing camera.
For Android phone makers, a key challenge is to differentiate their models from others offering the same operating system. Samsung has chosen to do so by combining a design that's almost as thin as the iPhone 4 with a generous, four-inch screen. That's significantly bigger than the iPhone's 3.5-inch display, but smaller than the huge 4.3-inch screen on the Evo and the new Motorola Droid X (NYSE: MOT - News), which would force the phones to be larger.
In my tests, phone calls on both models were crisp and clear. Reception on the AT&T model was about the same as on the iPhone 4, which only works on AT&T. The five-megapixel camera took sharp pictures. The camera also did a fine job with video, which is high definition. Battery life was good, though not exceptional. The phones lasted through an average day of varied use.
The screen on the Galaxy S is based on a different technology than those on most other smartphones. It's called Super AMOLED, and Samsung claims it has better color reproduction, contrast, outdoor visibility and brightness. To my eye, the Galaxy S screens did look very good, but seemed no better, indoors or outdoors, than the iPhone 4's screen and were slightly less sharp.
Samsung has also added some of its own touches to Android. Users can add Samsung "widgets," such as a Buddies Now module that quickly allows access to your closest contacts. There's also something called the Social Hub, which integrates social-networking updates and media with contact entries. This is a common feature on Android and Palm phones, but isn't present on the iPhone.
While it's improving rapidly, Android still isn't quite as smooth as the iPhone's software, and on some Android models I've tested, it can slow down or have a jerky quality. Not so on these Samsung models. Performance in every function I tested was snappy.
Another nice touch on the Samsung models is a generous amount of internal memory -- 16 gigabytes -- in addition to the common removable memory card, which in this case holds two gigabytes but can be replaced at extra cost with a roomier card.
Also, Samsung says the new phones can hold up to two gigabytes of third-party apps, the most I've seen on an Android phone, which, unlike the iPhone, places limits on total app storage.
Like other Android phones, the two Samsung models offer around 65,000 third-party apps, including popular titles like the Kindle e-book reader and Facebook. That's far fewer than the iPhone's 225,000 available apps, but well above the measly 7,000 or so apps available for the BlackBerry.
There are some drawbacks. Like other Android phones, the Galaxy S models don't come with a program like iTunes, which allows easy synchronization with content on a PC or Mac. You can plug the phones into a computer for manual transfer of files, but this only works smoothly on Windows PCs. On Macs, you must turn on something called "USB debugging" to make this work.
I also wasn't crazy about the home, search and other buttons on these phones, which are found on a panel below the screen but not easily visible until you touch the panel and light the buttons up. That, in effect, means you have to touch twice to use them.
Still, for consumers who prefer Android, or who -- in the case of the Vibrant and the coming Sprint and Verizon versions -- would rather not be on AT&T, the Galaxy S phones present an appealing alternative to the iPhone.
Despite the weak economy, consumers seem to crave these hand-held computers, which typically cost around $200. Apple this week said it can't make enough of its new iPhone 4 models to meet strong demand. HTC, the Taiwanese-based manufacturer behind many of the better-known Android phones, also is struggling to meet demand for models like the Droid Incredible on Verizon and the Evo 4G on Sprint.
Now, the Korean electronics giant, Samsung, has begun rolling out an impressive new line of iPhone competitors that run on Android. These new super-smartphones are called the Galaxy S Series, and Samsung has managed to get all four top U.S. wireless carriers to agree to start selling them this summer. They share most of the same guts, but carry different model names and exterior designs.
I've been testing the first two Galaxy S phones, the T-Mobile Vibrant and the AT&T Captivate (NYSE: T - News), both of which cost $200 with a two-year contract. Neither has all the features of Apple's latest model, like a front-facing camera for video calls or an ultra-high resolution screen, but they are worthy competitors. They have some attributes the iPhone lacks, like bigger screens and better integration of social networking.
The T-Mobile Vibrant has rounded corners and a prominent border that make it look very much like last year's iPhone 3GS model. The AT&T Captivate is more angular and, to my taste, looks sleeker. Though the two phones share the same battery, the Vibrant claims better battery life. The Vibrant is longer but a bit lighter.
Both phones are multi-touch models which lack physical keyboards, though the upcoming Sprint version, the Epic, will have a slide-out physical keyboard and a front-facing camera.
For Android phone makers, a key challenge is to differentiate their models from others offering the same operating system. Samsung has chosen to do so by combining a design that's almost as thin as the iPhone 4 with a generous, four-inch screen. That's significantly bigger than the iPhone's 3.5-inch display, but smaller than the huge 4.3-inch screen on the Evo and the new Motorola Droid X (NYSE: MOT - News), which would force the phones to be larger.
In my tests, phone calls on both models were crisp and clear. Reception on the AT&T model was about the same as on the iPhone 4, which only works on AT&T. The five-megapixel camera took sharp pictures. The camera also did a fine job with video, which is high definition. Battery life was good, though not exceptional. The phones lasted through an average day of varied use.
The screen on the Galaxy S is based on a different technology than those on most other smartphones. It's called Super AMOLED, and Samsung claims it has better color reproduction, contrast, outdoor visibility and brightness. To my eye, the Galaxy S screens did look very good, but seemed no better, indoors or outdoors, than the iPhone 4's screen and were slightly less sharp.
Samsung has also added some of its own touches to Android. Users can add Samsung "widgets," such as a Buddies Now module that quickly allows access to your closest contacts. There's also something called the Social Hub, which integrates social-networking updates and media with contact entries. This is a common feature on Android and Palm phones, but isn't present on the iPhone.
While it's improving rapidly, Android still isn't quite as smooth as the iPhone's software, and on some Android models I've tested, it can slow down or have a jerky quality. Not so on these Samsung models. Performance in every function I tested was snappy.
Another nice touch on the Samsung models is a generous amount of internal memory -- 16 gigabytes -- in addition to the common removable memory card, which in this case holds two gigabytes but can be replaced at extra cost with a roomier card.
Also, Samsung says the new phones can hold up to two gigabytes of third-party apps, the most I've seen on an Android phone, which, unlike the iPhone, places limits on total app storage.
Like other Android phones, the two Samsung models offer around 65,000 third-party apps, including popular titles like the Kindle e-book reader and Facebook. That's far fewer than the iPhone's 225,000 available apps, but well above the measly 7,000 or so apps available for the BlackBerry.
There are some drawbacks. Like other Android phones, the Galaxy S models don't come with a program like iTunes, which allows easy synchronization with content on a PC or Mac. You can plug the phones into a computer for manual transfer of files, but this only works smoothly on Windows PCs. On Macs, you must turn on something called "USB debugging" to make this work.
I also wasn't crazy about the home, search and other buttons on these phones, which are found on a panel below the screen but not easily visible until you touch the panel and light the buttons up. That, in effect, means you have to touch twice to use them.
Still, for consumers who prefer Android, or who -- in the case of the Vibrant and the coming Sprint and Verizon versions -- would rather not be on AT&T, the Galaxy S phones present an appealing alternative to the iPhone.
投资超经典语录
股票价格距真正的价值很远，这就创造了赚钱的良机。 （索罗斯）
凡事总有盛极而衰的时候，大好之后便是大坏。重要的是认清趋势转变不可避免。要点在于找出转折点。（索罗斯)
买其所值，卖其疯狂。（罗杰斯)
以近期的眼光看，股市是一个投票箱；以长远的眼光看，股市是一个天平。（本杰明·格雷厄姆)
何为玩世不恭者？此乃知晓每一物品之价格而不通晓其价值者也。 （奥斯卡·王尔德）
投资成功的关键——耐力胜过头脑。
不论你使用什么方法选股或挑选股票投资基金，最终的成功与否取决于一种能力，即不理睬环境的压力而坚持到投资成功的能力；决定选股人命运的不是头脑而是耐力。敏感的投资者，不管他多么的聪明，往往经受不住命运不经意的打击，而被赶出市场。（彼得·林奇）
投资人总是习惯性地厌恶对他们最有利的市场，而对那些不易获利的市场却情有独钟，而且极有兴趣。在潜在意识中，投资人很不喜欢拥有那些股价下跌的股票，却对那些一路上涨的股票非常着迷。高价买进低价卖出当然赚不到钱。（巴菲特）
当我和查尔斯买下一种股票时，我们头脑中既没有考虑到出手的时间也没有考虑过出手的价位。 （巴菲特）
市场也经常处于不定状态，投资者如果能对明显的事物打个折扣，而把赌注放在别人意想不到的事物上，则必将获得大利。 （罗杰斯）
股票价格低于实质价值，此种股票即存有“安全边际”，建议投资人将精力用于辨认价格被低估的股票，而不管整个大盘的表现。（本杰明·格雷厄姆）
从不购买价格并不明显低于公司价值的股票。（巴菲特）
在其他人都下了投资的地方去投资，你是不会发财的。如果你没有持有一种股票１０年的准备，那么连十分钟都不要持有这种股票。 （巴菲特）
市场投机者试图对股价的短期波动进行预测，希望获取快速的利润。极少有人能以这种方式赚钱。实际上，任何人如果能够连续地预测市场，他或她的名字早就列入世界首富排行榜，排在亿万富翁华伦·巴菲特和比尔·盖茨之上。 （彼得·林奇）
不能承受股价下跌５０％的人就不应该炒股。（巴菲特）
切记，只是为保本，你的投资必须产出相等于通货膨胀的收益率。（伯顿·马尔基尔）
进行投资是种乐趣，以你的才智与广大投资群体抗争，并发现它们正以高于你工资的增长率递增是件令人兴奋的事，而学习在金融投资形式中出现的产品、服务和创新的新的概念也是件够刺激振奋人的事情。一个成功的投资者通常是个考虑周全的人，能用天生的好奇和有理智的兴趣进行工作以赚取更多钱财。 （伯顿·马尔基尔）
当股票价格跌得很低时，即使认为是投机的证券也具备了投资的性质，因为用他们的话说，你支付的价格，已经可以为你提供巨大的安全余地。（罗杰·Ｆ·默里）
当原本不关注股市的人纷纷大谈股票并跃跃欲试时，股市必跌；当多数人都对股市不抱希望且怨声载道时，就是进场的大好时机。
我从事投资的时候，主要观察一家公司的全貌，而大多数的投资人只盯着它的股价。
投资人总想要买进太多的股票，却不愿意耐心等待一家真正值得投资的好公司。每天抢进抢出不是聪明方法，……近乎忘情地按兵不动，正是我们一贯的投资风格。
当一些大企业暂时出现危机或股市下跌，出现有利可图的交易价格时，应该毫不犹豫买进它们的股票.（巴菲特）
１．挖掘潜藏的优绩股，并长期抱牢；
２．一定要充实自己，不要让证券专家和报纸的夸大不实宣传影响自己的决定；
３．市场操作，不要贪心太重，始终以自有资金行动。
（是川派投资乌龟三原则）
关键是你自己，不断奋斗，你会成为一种人；停下来，你也会成为一种人，但绝不会是同一种人。（罗伯特·清崎）
如果你想变富，你需要“思考”，独立思考而不是盲从他人。我认为，富人最大的一项资产就是他们的思考方式与别人不同。（罗伯特·清崎）
要想做一个成功的投资者或者企业主，你必须在情感上对赚钱和赔钱漠不关心，赚钱和赔钱只是游戏的一个部分。（罗伯特·清崎）
作为一项确定的规则，股票价格不应高于其增长率，即每年收益增长的比率。即使成长最快的企业也很难超过２５％的增长率，４０％更是寥若晨星，这样的高速增长难以持久；增长过快等于自毁长城。（彼得·林奇）
我的赚钱公式是：第一，购置赢利性资产；第二，没钱时，不要动用投资和积蓄，压力会使你找到赚钱的新方法，帮你还清账单，这是个好习惯。（罗伯特·清崎）
我小的时候，一直学的是如何投资，而大部分人去上学，学的是毕业以后怎么找到好的工作。我可以很敏锐发现很多投资项目，可能有很多人却视而不见。在中国可能很多人都意识到应该去投资，但是，他们在思想上还没有做好充分的准备。其实，在美国也是一样，有９５％的人不容易发现一些投资项目，大多数美国人都在做着有高薪收入的工作，但是我的“富爸爸”告诉我说，高薪并不能够使你致富。只是有好的工作，有好的收入，并不能代表就有财富。如果你想致富，必须使你具有投资者的思维模式，而不是工作雇员的思维模式。
首先，得让钱来为你工作，而不是你去为金钱工作。第二，你必须能够读懂财务报表。但是即使在美国也有９５％的人看不懂财务报表，也分不清什么是资产，什么是负债。如果你想致富的话，必须能够读懂金钱的语言。就像你如果从事计算机的工作，必须能够懂得计算机语言。 （罗伯特·清崎）
把金钱和债务游戏看成是愚弄你，愚弄我，愚弄任何人的游戏，企业与企业，国家与国家都在进行这种游戏，但这仅仅是游戏而已。问题是，对大多数人而言，金钱不是游戏，而是生存……甚至是生活本身。可悲的是，因为没有人向他们解释这种游戏，所以他们仍旧在相信银行家的话：房子是一项资产。（罗伯特·清崎）
凡事总有盛极而衰的时候，大好之后便是大坏。重要的是认清趋势转变不可避免。要点在于找出转折点。（索罗斯)
买其所值，卖其疯狂。（罗杰斯)
以近期的眼光看，股市是一个投票箱；以长远的眼光看，股市是一个天平。（本杰明·格雷厄姆)
何为玩世不恭者？此乃知晓每一物品之价格而不通晓其价值者也。 （奥斯卡·王尔德）
投资成功的关键——耐力胜过头脑。
不论你使用什么方法选股或挑选股票投资基金，最终的成功与否取决于一种能力，即不理睬环境的压力而坚持到投资成功的能力；决定选股人命运的不是头脑而是耐力。敏感的投资者，不管他多么的聪明，往往经受不住命运不经意的打击，而被赶出市场。（彼得·林奇）
投资人总是习惯性地厌恶对他们最有利的市场，而对那些不易获利的市场却情有独钟，而且极有兴趣。在潜在意识中，投资人很不喜欢拥有那些股价下跌的股票，却对那些一路上涨的股票非常着迷。高价买进低价卖出当然赚不到钱。（巴菲特）
当我和查尔斯买下一种股票时，我们头脑中既没有考虑到出手的时间也没有考虑过出手的价位。 （巴菲特）
市场也经常处于不定状态，投资者如果能对明显的事物打个折扣，而把赌注放在别人意想不到的事物上，则必将获得大利。 （罗杰斯）
股票价格低于实质价值，此种股票即存有“安全边际”，建议投资人将精力用于辨认价格被低估的股票，而不管整个大盘的表现。（本杰明·格雷厄姆）
从不购买价格并不明显低于公司价值的股票。（巴菲特）
在其他人都下了投资的地方去投资，你是不会发财的。如果你没有持有一种股票１０年的准备，那么连十分钟都不要持有这种股票。 （巴菲特）
市场投机者试图对股价的短期波动进行预测，希望获取快速的利润。极少有人能以这种方式赚钱。实际上，任何人如果能够连续地预测市场，他或她的名字早就列入世界首富排行榜，排在亿万富翁华伦·巴菲特和比尔·盖茨之上。 （彼得·林奇）
不能承受股价下跌５０％的人就不应该炒股。（巴菲特）
切记，只是为保本，你的投资必须产出相等于通货膨胀的收益率。（伯顿·马尔基尔）
进行投资是种乐趣，以你的才智与广大投资群体抗争，并发现它们正以高于你工资的增长率递增是件令人兴奋的事，而学习在金融投资形式中出现的产品、服务和创新的新的概念也是件够刺激振奋人的事情。一个成功的投资者通常是个考虑周全的人，能用天生的好奇和有理智的兴趣进行工作以赚取更多钱财。 （伯顿·马尔基尔）
当股票价格跌得很低时，即使认为是投机的证券也具备了投资的性质，因为用他们的话说，你支付的价格，已经可以为你提供巨大的安全余地。（罗杰·Ｆ·默里）
当原本不关注股市的人纷纷大谈股票并跃跃欲试时，股市必跌；当多数人都对股市不抱希望且怨声载道时，就是进场的大好时机。
我从事投资的时候，主要观察一家公司的全貌，而大多数的投资人只盯着它的股价。
投资人总想要买进太多的股票，却不愿意耐心等待一家真正值得投资的好公司。每天抢进抢出不是聪明方法，……近乎忘情地按兵不动，正是我们一贯的投资风格。
当一些大企业暂时出现危机或股市下跌，出现有利可图的交易价格时，应该毫不犹豫买进它们的股票.（巴菲特）
１．挖掘潜藏的优绩股，并长期抱牢；
２．一定要充实自己，不要让证券专家和报纸的夸大不实宣传影响自己的决定；
３．市场操作，不要贪心太重，始终以自有资金行动。
（是川派投资乌龟三原则）
关键是你自己，不断奋斗，你会成为一种人；停下来，你也会成为一种人，但绝不会是同一种人。（罗伯特·清崎）
如果你想变富，你需要“思考”，独立思考而不是盲从他人。我认为，富人最大的一项资产就是他们的思考方式与别人不同。（罗伯特·清崎）
要想做一个成功的投资者或者企业主，你必须在情感上对赚钱和赔钱漠不关心，赚钱和赔钱只是游戏的一个部分。（罗伯特·清崎）
作为一项确定的规则，股票价格不应高于其增长率，即每年收益增长的比率。即使成长最快的企业也很难超过２５％的增长率，４０％更是寥若晨星，这样的高速增长难以持久；增长过快等于自毁长城。（彼得·林奇）
我的赚钱公式是：第一，购置赢利性资产；第二，没钱时，不要动用投资和积蓄，压力会使你找到赚钱的新方法，帮你还清账单，这是个好习惯。（罗伯特·清崎）
我小的时候，一直学的是如何投资，而大部分人去上学，学的是毕业以后怎么找到好的工作。我可以很敏锐发现很多投资项目，可能有很多人却视而不见。在中国可能很多人都意识到应该去投资，但是，他们在思想上还没有做好充分的准备。其实，在美国也是一样，有９５％的人不容易发现一些投资项目，大多数美国人都在做着有高薪收入的工作，但是我的“富爸爸”告诉我说，高薪并不能够使你致富。只是有好的工作，有好的收入，并不能代表就有财富。如果你想致富，必须使你具有投资者的思维模式，而不是工作雇员的思维模式。
首先，得让钱来为你工作，而不是你去为金钱工作。第二，你必须能够读懂财务报表。但是即使在美国也有９５％的人看不懂财务报表，也分不清什么是资产，什么是负债。如果你想致富的话，必须能够读懂金钱的语言。就像你如果从事计算机的工作，必须能够懂得计算机语言。 （罗伯特·清崎）
把金钱和债务游戏看成是愚弄你，愚弄我，愚弄任何人的游戏，企业与企业，国家与国家都在进行这种游戏，但这仅仅是游戏而已。问题是，对大多数人而言，金钱不是游戏，而是生存……甚至是生活本身。可悲的是，因为没有人向他们解释这种游戏，所以他们仍旧在相信银行家的话：房子是一项资产。（罗伯特·清崎）
妓女:我什么都可给你除了吻
你，可以抚摸我的胸部，可以得到我的下体，可以肆意亲吻我的肉体，但你不能吻我。爱我的人才可以吻我，如果我在你眼里，只是个妓女，你，永远不能吻我。记得一场电影中男主角坐在钢琴边时听女主角说的话。-题记
欲望炙烤着灵魂，一边是道德底线的封锁，一边是物质生活的逼迫，弱势的女子选择了简单的平衡，出卖点什么，换回点什么。冲破了心理上的抵抗，再没有矜持和淑女，选择了出卖自己唯一的筹码--年轻的肉体，换回了红色人头纸。
职业的不同而已，何必大惊小怪？批判，谩骂，仇恨，交织成妓女的外衣，被人唾弃着，鄙视着。女人贞节的操守，注定了在今天无法公开承认妓女的身份，被埋藏在最阴暗的角落，肮脏的垃圾堆一样。
只是出卖了肉体，灵魂依旧纯洁。世界上没有第二个职业如此纯粹地出卖了只有商品，而绝对没有感情和灵魂。谁都知道，一旦出卖了灵魂，注定将迫使你放弃妓女的身份，也许这是个好事情，但为了生活，也注定无法放弃。
这是我的蓝颜知己酒后讲的真实的故事。文中隐去真名，以第一人称讲述。
不了解妓女时，总觉得妓女没有爱。成天跟男人厮混一起，靠性维系着生命，搭建生存空间，它又怎么可能会有爱？想妓女见一男的，没羞涩，没心动，有的只是快快的来，多多的给，再有的，就是呆一见不得人的小屋，相伴紧张、匆忙、厌恶、应付差事，它又怎么可能有爱？
那日，酒喝多了，好奇心作祟，不知怎么就进了欢乐场。吐字不清地来了吧台，想是想找一房间休息按摩，可没想这开的房就是嫖客，就是人生一大转折。
先生，这边请！一女引领着我上了二楼，又上了三楼，楼道悠长，好似走在去鬼门关的路上……一肚子没醒酒地埋怨着怎么领我走这么远的路呀，才见那领我之人用手轻轻开启一扇门，按下电源开关，一屋子的豪华就那么活灵活现在我的眼前。
先生，您先躺躺！
浑然不知的我在那女的示意下躺上了床，微醉着听她说一会儿小姐就来，就昏沉沉地闭上了眼睛……没一会，轻轻地敲门声清醒了我。见开启的门后站一美丽的女孩，很有礼貌地问我：先生，需要什么服务？
什么服务？来这，还能有什么服务？心是这么想的，以为她是按摩女。而她以为我是一嫖客，心知肚明没直白地说出那，就像一男一女去商店买戒指项链，只需眼神就能明了对方的意愿。
先生，只是按摩吗？就不想来点别的？她话挑逗得让我想起了那事，想她会是妓女？印象中龌龊厌恶的妓女吗？可她一点不像妓女，年轻，貌美，楚楚迷我。这样一女子若走在阳光下，一定是一窈窕淑女，是许多男孩追都追不到的气质女孩。可她，没多会就让我知道她的确是一妓女。一美丽，柔弱的妓女。瞧她暴露的装扮，妖艳的化妆，轻车熟路地手活，我就知她一定是一妓女。
能陪我说说话吗？我用手阻止着她的手活。可以，但得计时收费。怎么个算法？一小时一百八。这么贵啊？
是这么贵的。要不，来这的客人哪有提你这要求的？！那他们都提啥要求？你说呢？
走出欢乐场，想跟妓女呆一起的时光，我突然发现其实妓女也有爱，也有思念，有含情脉脉，有真情流露地会说她也离不开你……而这，跟那人性最美，最直接的表白是不同的。正常的男女之爱，所思所想所恋所爱，婚嫁同居，最终都离不开那性，那家，那一起生活慢慢变老的事实；而妓女，虽把最精彩的结尾搁最先做了，拿女人最精华的性给了你，可那所思所想所恋所爱，婚嫁同居，她却不可能给你！你能用钱买她的肉体，却无法用钱买她的心她的爱她对你的眷念、期待、胫骨回身合二为一的真情；她说：我什么都可给你，但你不能吻我！
为什么？我加钱给你还不行吗？
她说：我之所以不能给你，是因吻，得用眼，用嘴，用心直视对方的眼，嘴，心……用手挡在我想吻她的嘴前，她说是女人都知眼睛无法骗人，是不是真情一眼就能看得出。她还说若俩人没感情，是女人都无法从吻中体会爱的感受，爱的激情！她说男人是靠下半身感知爱，而妓女只剩下吻来寻找情……她说在这欢乐场，她唯一拥有的就是这吻。属于她的，也只有这吻。她说她不会轻易把吻给嫖客，而是想将吻留给她最喜欢的人！说着，她脸颊飘上了红晕，像似日落前的晚霞，一世得灿烂……会是这样吗？望着身后越来越不清晰的欢乐场，越来越模糊她的影像，我真的很不理解一个连什么都可以给你，让你随心所欲的妓女，怎么就不让你吻她呢？那吻，真的才是爱的赏赐，爱之最高境界？真的无法用钱买到吗？不自觉地伸手摸了下自己的唇，我真的一点不理解她为啥在我临走前，又主动紧紧地抱了我，说只要一分钟就好！而在那一分钟里，她在我怀中，紧闭双眼，仰头如吸铁石的N级S级，把她那吻，赏赐给了我。
就那一蜻蜓点水般的吻，却给了我一世的疑惑，内疚，思恋……时常会让我去想，这吻，会是她的爱吗？
编后：
我是你的红颜，神聊傲慢的红颜，行为上坚贞不屈地拒绝着肉体上的接触，思想里却充满了情色的缠绵。悔恨有时占据着思想，肉体的坚持又安慰着自己。没有被判和不忠贞。
仰首自叹，也许我还不如妓女，从指尖划过的淡淡的忧愁画出了深深内疚的形状。妓女出卖的只有肉体，而我恰恰相反，我出卖了灵魂。只是一桩情色生意，妓女出卖了单纯的肉体，保留了灵魂操守的忠贞，真正纯洁的生意人；而我，出卖了缥缈而无法衡量称重的灵魂，只剩下了到处游走的肉体。
欲望炙烤着灵魂，一边是道德底线的封锁，一边是物质生活的逼迫，弱势的女子选择了简单的平衡，出卖点什么，换回点什么。冲破了心理上的抵抗，再没有矜持和淑女，选择了出卖自己唯一的筹码--年轻的肉体，换回了红色人头纸。
职业的不同而已，何必大惊小怪？批判，谩骂，仇恨，交织成妓女的外衣，被人唾弃着，鄙视着。女人贞节的操守，注定了在今天无法公开承认妓女的身份，被埋藏在最阴暗的角落，肮脏的垃圾堆一样。
只是出卖了肉体，灵魂依旧纯洁。世界上没有第二个职业如此纯粹地出卖了只有商品，而绝对没有感情和灵魂。谁都知道，一旦出卖了灵魂，注定将迫使你放弃妓女的身份，也许这是个好事情，但为了生活，也注定无法放弃。
这是我的蓝颜知己酒后讲的真实的故事。文中隐去真名，以第一人称讲述。
不了解妓女时，总觉得妓女没有爱。成天跟男人厮混一起，靠性维系着生命，搭建生存空间，它又怎么可能会有爱？想妓女见一男的，没羞涩，没心动，有的只是快快的来，多多的给，再有的，就是呆一见不得人的小屋，相伴紧张、匆忙、厌恶、应付差事，它又怎么可能有爱？
那日，酒喝多了，好奇心作祟，不知怎么就进了欢乐场。吐字不清地来了吧台，想是想找一房间休息按摩，可没想这开的房就是嫖客，就是人生一大转折。
先生，这边请！一女引领着我上了二楼，又上了三楼，楼道悠长，好似走在去鬼门关的路上……一肚子没醒酒地埋怨着怎么领我走这么远的路呀，才见那领我之人用手轻轻开启一扇门，按下电源开关，一屋子的豪华就那么活灵活现在我的眼前。
先生，您先躺躺！
浑然不知的我在那女的示意下躺上了床，微醉着听她说一会儿小姐就来，就昏沉沉地闭上了眼睛……没一会，轻轻地敲门声清醒了我。见开启的门后站一美丽的女孩，很有礼貌地问我：先生，需要什么服务？
什么服务？来这，还能有什么服务？心是这么想的，以为她是按摩女。而她以为我是一嫖客，心知肚明没直白地说出那，就像一男一女去商店买戒指项链，只需眼神就能明了对方的意愿。
先生，只是按摩吗？就不想来点别的？她话挑逗得让我想起了那事，想她会是妓女？印象中龌龊厌恶的妓女吗？可她一点不像妓女，年轻，貌美，楚楚迷我。这样一女子若走在阳光下，一定是一窈窕淑女，是许多男孩追都追不到的气质女孩。可她，没多会就让我知道她的确是一妓女。一美丽，柔弱的妓女。瞧她暴露的装扮，妖艳的化妆，轻车熟路地手活，我就知她一定是一妓女。
能陪我说说话吗？我用手阻止着她的手活。可以，但得计时收费。怎么个算法？一小时一百八。这么贵啊？
是这么贵的。要不，来这的客人哪有提你这要求的？！那他们都提啥要求？你说呢？
走出欢乐场，想跟妓女呆一起的时光，我突然发现其实妓女也有爱，也有思念，有含情脉脉，有真情流露地会说她也离不开你……而这，跟那人性最美，最直接的表白是不同的。正常的男女之爱，所思所想所恋所爱，婚嫁同居，最终都离不开那性，那家，那一起生活慢慢变老的事实；而妓女，虽把最精彩的结尾搁最先做了，拿女人最精华的性给了你，可那所思所想所恋所爱，婚嫁同居，她却不可能给你！你能用钱买她的肉体，却无法用钱买她的心她的爱她对你的眷念、期待、胫骨回身合二为一的真情；她说：我什么都可给你，但你不能吻我！
为什么？我加钱给你还不行吗？
她说：我之所以不能给你，是因吻，得用眼，用嘴，用心直视对方的眼，嘴，心……用手挡在我想吻她的嘴前，她说是女人都知眼睛无法骗人，是不是真情一眼就能看得出。她还说若俩人没感情，是女人都无法从吻中体会爱的感受，爱的激情！她说男人是靠下半身感知爱，而妓女只剩下吻来寻找情……她说在这欢乐场，她唯一拥有的就是这吻。属于她的，也只有这吻。她说她不会轻易把吻给嫖客，而是想将吻留给她最喜欢的人！说着，她脸颊飘上了红晕，像似日落前的晚霞，一世得灿烂……会是这样吗？望着身后越来越不清晰的欢乐场，越来越模糊她的影像，我真的很不理解一个连什么都可以给你，让你随心所欲的妓女，怎么就不让你吻她呢？那吻，真的才是爱的赏赐，爱之最高境界？真的无法用钱买到吗？不自觉地伸手摸了下自己的唇，我真的一点不理解她为啥在我临走前，又主动紧紧地抱了我，说只要一分钟就好！而在那一分钟里，她在我怀中，紧闭双眼，仰头如吸铁石的N级S级，把她那吻，赏赐给了我。
就那一蜻蜓点水般的吻，却给了我一世的疑惑，内疚，思恋……时常会让我去想，这吻，会是她的爱吗？
编后：
我是你的红颜，神聊傲慢的红颜，行为上坚贞不屈地拒绝着肉体上的接触，思想里却充满了情色的缠绵。悔恨有时占据着思想，肉体的坚持又安慰着自己。没有被判和不忠贞。
仰首自叹，也许我还不如妓女，从指尖划过的淡淡的忧愁画出了深深内疚的形状。妓女出卖的只有肉体，而我恰恰相反，我出卖了灵魂。只是一桩情色生意，妓女出卖了单纯的肉体，保留了灵魂操守的忠贞，真正纯洁的生意人；而我，出卖了缥缈而无法衡量称重的灵魂，只剩下了到处游走的肉体。
梅核气
科技名词定义
中文名称：梅核气 英文名称：globus hystericus 定义：以咽喉异物感如梅核梗阻，咽之不下，咯之不出，时发时止为主要表现的疾病。 所属学科： 中医药学(一级学科) ；耳鼻喉科疾病(二级学科) ；咽喉病(三级学科)
百科名片
梅核气（imagined bolus in throat）是指咽喉中有异常感觉，但不影响进食为特征的病症。如梅核塞于咽喉，咯之不出，咽之不下，时发时止为特征的咽喉疾病。相当于西医的咽部神经官能症，或称咽癔症、癔球。该病多发于壮年人，以女性居多。
基本简介
梅核气主要因情志不畅，肝气郁结，循经上逆，结于咽喉或乘脾犯胃，运化失司，津液不得输布，凝结成痰，痰气结于咽喉引起。梅核气 示意图 “梅核气”一名首见于宋代《南阳活人书》，有关病证记载最早却见于战国晚期的《灵枢·邪气脏腑病形篇》，其曰：“心脉大甚为喉营”，即言喉间有物。汉代《金匮要略》描述了妇人“咽中如有炙脔”的症状及治疗。
主要症状
此病既无全身病变，更无前驱症状。惟觉喉头有异物感，无疼痛，往往在工作紧张时或睡着后或专心做事时可以完全消失，闲暇无事或情志不畅时异物感明显，当吞咽口涎或空咽时更觉明显吐之不出，咽之不下，而进食时，则毫无梗阻感觉。很多病人恐惧是喉癌或食道癌而致思想负担沉重。借助现代仪器局部检查及X线吞钡检查并未发现器质性病变。常伴有精神抑郁，心烦疑虑，胸胁胀满，纳呆，困倦，消瘦等。妇女常见月经不畅，舌质暗滞，脉弦。治疗宜疏肝解郁、行气散结，用半夏厚朴汤，肝郁不舒用逍遥散加减。
病理病因
分为器质性病因和非器质性病因两种：
器质性病因：茎突过长、颈椎病、上呼吸道慢性炎症、咽肌食管肌痉挛、反流性食管炎 、食道裂孔疝及胃病、咽喉及扁桃体病变、慢性鼻窦炎、环杓关节炎、咽、喉、食管、贲门部癌肿早期等等。
非器质性病因：年龄30～40岁发病率较高，女性患病率高于男性，常见有咽喉神经官能症、癔病、疑病性神经症、精神分裂症等。
梅核气主要因情志不畅引起，因此细心开导、解除其思想顾虑，有益于疾病痊愈。此外，也应少食煎炒辛辣食物。
诊断要点
1．以咽内异物感为主要症状，但不碍饮食。症状的轻重与情志的变化有关。
2．检查咽喉各部所见均属正常，无任何有关的阳性体征。
3．该病需与虚火喉痹，咽喉及食道肿物相鉴别。虚火喉痹觉有异物刺痛感，并觉咽喉干燥，常有发出“吭喀”声音的动作，症状与情志变化关系不大；检查时可见咽喉粘膜呈微暗红色，喉底有淋巴滤泡增生。咽喉及食道肿瘤，吞咽困难，有碍饮食，肉眼检查或X光钡剂透视可发现肿瘤。
治疗方法
1．针灸治疗
(1)毫针刺廉泉穴，针尖向上刺至舌根部，并令患者作吞咽动作，至异物感消失为止。
(2)取合谷、内关、太冲、丰隆等穴，中等刺激，留针15—30分钟，每日1次。
2．饮食疗法
(1)合欢花蒸猪肝：合欢花(干品)10～12克，放碟中，加清水少许，泡浸4—6小时，再将猪肝100～150克切片，同放碟中，加食盐少许调味，隔水蒸熟，食猪肝。
(2)玫瑰花茶：玫瑰花瓣(于品)6-10克，放茶盅内，冲人沸水，加盖煽片刻，代茶饮。
(3)葱煮柚皮：鲜柚皮1个，在炭火上将外层黄棕色烧焦，刮去表层，然后放人清水中泡浸1日，使其苦味析出。再切块加水煮，将熟时以葱两棵切碎加入，用油、盐调味，佐膳。
3．咽喉部导引法
(1)不拘行立坐卧，随时闭目静心，待神调气定后，即行叩齿36次，再以舌上下左右搅动，待津液满口时进行鼓漱，然后如咽硬物状，将咽津吞下。
(2)静坐，以舌托上腭，凝神该处有一股凉水流下，待将满口时，吞下。
(3)舌头用力往后卷，有唾液即吞下。坚持数日，有一定疗效。
4、梅核气的辨证论治
肝郁气滞型
【证见】 咽喉内有异物感，或如梅核堵塞，吞之不下，吐之不出，甚则感到窒闷难忍，但不碍饮食。患者常精神抑郁，多虑多疑，并觉胸闷胁胀，善太息，郁怒，嗳气。舌质淡红，苔白，脉弦。
【治法】 疏肝理气解郁。
【方药】 1．主方半夏厚朴汤加减
处方：法半夏12克，厚朴10克，茯苓15克，香附12克，紫苏12克，白芍15克，薄荷6克(后下)，甘草6克，生姜3片。水煎服。 胸胁苦闷者，加柴胡12克、薤白15克。口干，舌质偏红者，加夏枯草12克、杭菊10克。 2．中成药 (1)逍遥丸，口服，大蜜丸每次2丸，水蜜丸每次10～15克，每日1—2次；水泛丸每次8～10丸，每日1。3次。 (2)丹栀逍遥丸，每次6—8片，每日2次。 脾虚痰聚型
【证见】 咽喉内异物感，常觉痰多难咯。或有咳嗽痰白，肢倦，纳呆，脘腹胀满。舌胖苔白腻，脉滑。 【治法】 健脾理气化痰。
【方药】
1．主方二陈汤(陈师文等《太平惠民和剂局方》)加减
处方：法半夏12克，陈皮6克，茯苓15克，神曲12克，党参15克，白术12克，砂仁6克(后下)。水煎服。 若痰黄舌红者，加黄芩12克、薄荷6克(后下)。心烦者，加合欢花10克、素馨花10克。
2．中成药
(1)四君子丸(冲剂、液、袋泡剂)，口服，水泛丸每次3—6克，冲剂每次15克，袋泡剂每次1～2袋，每日3次；合剂每次5—10毫升，每日2次。
(2)陈夏六君子丸，口服，大蜜丸每次1丸，小蜜丸每次9克，水蜜丸每次6克，每日2—3次。
(3)香砂养胃丸，口服，每次9克，每日2次。
预防调护
(1)细心开导，解除思想顾虑，增强治疗信心；
(2)少食煎炒炙焯辛辣食物；
(3)加强体育锻炼，增强体质，或用咽喉部的导引法进行锻炼。
小贴士
相信各位如果有咽喉异物感，不影响饮食，打嗝会稍感舒适，但随后异物感马上回来，并且持续较长时间，经过查询可能以为自己得了是梅核气。但是到医院看，可能就是慢性咽炎的症状。所以建议大家，如果有类似症状一个礼拜以上，可以到医院或者社区诊所等去问询，如果是慢性咽炎，吃一些消炎药，并注意相关饮食习惯等保养措施，有利于自己的身心健康。毕竟，长时间的异物感对于心情、生活、工作确实一些不好的影响。
中文名称：梅核气 英文名称：globus hystericus 定义：以咽喉异物感如梅核梗阻，咽之不下，咯之不出，时发时止为主要表现的疾病。 所属学科： 中医药学(一级学科) ；耳鼻喉科疾病(二级学科) ；咽喉病(三级学科)
百科名片
梅核气（imagined bolus in throat）是指咽喉中有异常感觉，但不影响进食为特征的病症。如梅核塞于咽喉，咯之不出，咽之不下，时发时止为特征的咽喉疾病。相当于西医的咽部神经官能症，或称咽癔症、癔球。该病多发于壮年人，以女性居多。
基本简介
梅核气主要因情志不畅，肝气郁结，循经上逆，结于咽喉或乘脾犯胃，运化失司，津液不得输布，凝结成痰，痰气结于咽喉引起。梅核气 示意图 “梅核气”一名首见于宋代《南阳活人书》，有关病证记载最早却见于战国晚期的《灵枢·邪气脏腑病形篇》，其曰：“心脉大甚为喉营”，即言喉间有物。汉代《金匮要略》描述了妇人“咽中如有炙脔”的症状及治疗。
主要症状
此病既无全身病变，更无前驱症状。惟觉喉头有异物感，无疼痛，往往在工作紧张时或睡着后或专心做事时可以完全消失，闲暇无事或情志不畅时异物感明显，当吞咽口涎或空咽时更觉明显吐之不出，咽之不下，而进食时，则毫无梗阻感觉。很多病人恐惧是喉癌或食道癌而致思想负担沉重。借助现代仪器局部检查及X线吞钡检查并未发现器质性病变。常伴有精神抑郁，心烦疑虑，胸胁胀满，纳呆，困倦，消瘦等。妇女常见月经不畅，舌质暗滞，脉弦。治疗宜疏肝解郁、行气散结，用半夏厚朴汤，肝郁不舒用逍遥散加减。
病理病因
分为器质性病因和非器质性病因两种：
器质性病因：茎突过长、颈椎病、上呼吸道慢性炎症、咽肌食管肌痉挛、反流性食管炎 、食道裂孔疝及胃病、咽喉及扁桃体病变、慢性鼻窦炎、环杓关节炎、咽、喉、食管、贲门部癌肿早期等等。
非器质性病因：年龄30～40岁发病率较高，女性患病率高于男性，常见有咽喉神经官能症、癔病、疑病性神经症、精神分裂症等。
梅核气主要因情志不畅引起，因此细心开导、解除其思想顾虑，有益于疾病痊愈。此外，也应少食煎炒辛辣食物。
诊断要点
1．以咽内异物感为主要症状，但不碍饮食。症状的轻重与情志的变化有关。
2．检查咽喉各部所见均属正常，无任何有关的阳性体征。
3．该病需与虚火喉痹，咽喉及食道肿物相鉴别。虚火喉痹觉有异物刺痛感，并觉咽喉干燥，常有发出“吭喀”声音的动作，症状与情志变化关系不大；检查时可见咽喉粘膜呈微暗红色，喉底有淋巴滤泡增生。咽喉及食道肿瘤，吞咽困难，有碍饮食，肉眼检查或X光钡剂透视可发现肿瘤。
治疗方法
1．针灸治疗
(1)毫针刺廉泉穴，针尖向上刺至舌根部，并令患者作吞咽动作，至异物感消失为止。
(2)取合谷、内关、太冲、丰隆等穴，中等刺激，留针15—30分钟，每日1次。
2．饮食疗法
(1)合欢花蒸猪肝：合欢花(干品)10～12克，放碟中，加清水少许，泡浸4—6小时，再将猪肝100～150克切片，同放碟中，加食盐少许调味，隔水蒸熟，食猪肝。
(2)玫瑰花茶：玫瑰花瓣(于品)6-10克，放茶盅内，冲人沸水，加盖煽片刻，代茶饮。
(3)葱煮柚皮：鲜柚皮1个，在炭火上将外层黄棕色烧焦，刮去表层，然后放人清水中泡浸1日，使其苦味析出。再切块加水煮，将熟时以葱两棵切碎加入，用油、盐调味，佐膳。
3．咽喉部导引法
(1)不拘行立坐卧，随时闭目静心，待神调气定后，即行叩齿36次，再以舌上下左右搅动，待津液满口时进行鼓漱，然后如咽硬物状，将咽津吞下。
(2)静坐，以舌托上腭，凝神该处有一股凉水流下，待将满口时，吞下。
(3)舌头用力往后卷，有唾液即吞下。坚持数日，有一定疗效。
4、梅核气的辨证论治
肝郁气滞型
【证见】 咽喉内有异物感，或如梅核堵塞，吞之不下，吐之不出，甚则感到窒闷难忍，但不碍饮食。患者常精神抑郁，多虑多疑，并觉胸闷胁胀，善太息，郁怒，嗳气。舌质淡红，苔白，脉弦。
【治法】 疏肝理气解郁。
【方药】 1．主方半夏厚朴汤加减
处方：法半夏12克，厚朴10克，茯苓15克，香附12克，紫苏12克，白芍15克，薄荷6克(后下)，甘草6克，生姜3片。水煎服。 胸胁苦闷者，加柴胡12克、薤白15克。口干，舌质偏红者，加夏枯草12克、杭菊10克。 2．中成药 (1)逍遥丸，口服，大蜜丸每次2丸，水蜜丸每次10～15克，每日1—2次；水泛丸每次8～10丸，每日1。3次。 (2)丹栀逍遥丸，每次6—8片，每日2次。 脾虚痰聚型
【证见】 咽喉内异物感，常觉痰多难咯。或有咳嗽痰白，肢倦，纳呆，脘腹胀满。舌胖苔白腻，脉滑。 【治法】 健脾理气化痰。
【方药】
1．主方二陈汤(陈师文等《太平惠民和剂局方》)加减
处方：法半夏12克，陈皮6克，茯苓15克，神曲12克，党参15克，白术12克，砂仁6克(后下)。水煎服。 若痰黄舌红者，加黄芩12克、薄荷6克(后下)。心烦者，加合欢花10克、素馨花10克。
2．中成药
(1)四君子丸(冲剂、液、袋泡剂)，口服，水泛丸每次3—6克，冲剂每次15克，袋泡剂每次1～2袋，每日3次；合剂每次5—10毫升，每日2次。
(2)陈夏六君子丸，口服，大蜜丸每次1丸，小蜜丸每次9克，水蜜丸每次6克，每日2—3次。
(3)香砂养胃丸，口服，每次9克，每日2次。
预防调护
(1)细心开导，解除思想顾虑，增强治疗信心；
(2)少食煎炒炙焯辛辣食物；
(3)加强体育锻炼，增强体质，或用咽喉部的导引法进行锻炼。
小贴士
相信各位如果有咽喉异物感，不影响饮食，打嗝会稍感舒适，但随后异物感马上回来，并且持续较长时间，经过查询可能以为自己得了是梅核气。但是到医院看，可能就是慢性咽炎的症状。所以建议大家，如果有类似症状一个礼拜以上，可以到医院或者社区诊所等去问询，如果是慢性咽炎，吃一些消炎药，并注意相关饮食习惯等保养措施，有利于自己的身心健康。毕竟，长时间的异物感对于心情、生活、工作确实一些不好的影响。
All woman may be won (女人心都可征服）
看到美国作家华尔特·汤恩说过的一句话：“征服女人，精明的男人无需花费任何钱财，笨拙的男人则靠金钱，最差的男人靠暴力。”觉得很有道理。所有的女人都可以征服，只是看你是否足够优秀。
因为女人生来性格纤细柔弱，哪怕是外表刚强、办事雷厉风行的女强人，当她倾心于一个男人的时候，这个男人“要把她捏成什么样，就总能捏成什么样”。女人在感情上始终是弱者，她感性，凭直觉，一旦爱上不顾一切全情投入，就像张爱玲说的“遇到他,她变得很低很低,低到尘埃里,但她心里是喜欢的,从尘埃里开出花来”。女人对其深爱的男人，常常是这样子的卑微。
“女人头发长见识短”这句话现在抛出来肯定是倍受任何男女的批判的，但是用在女人对待感情的问题上是最恰当不过了，为了爱的人心甘情意付出一切，很多的女人都干过这样的傻事吧？常常还心里无怨无悔，甚至乐在其中。
因为女人生来性格纤细柔弱，哪怕是外表刚强、办事雷厉风行的女强人，当她倾心于一个男人的时候，这个男人“要把她捏成什么样，就总能捏成什么样”。女人在感情上始终是弱者，她感性，凭直觉，一旦爱上不顾一切全情投入，就像张爱玲说的“遇到他,她变得很低很低,低到尘埃里,但她心里是喜欢的,从尘埃里开出花来”。女人对其深爱的男人，常常是这样子的卑微。
“女人头发长见识短”这句话现在抛出来肯定是倍受任何男女的批判的，但是用在女人对待感情的问题上是最恰当不过了，为了爱的人心甘情意付出一切，很多的女人都干过这样的傻事吧？常常还心里无怨无悔，甚至乐在其中。
什么是梅核气，梅核气的症状，梅核气的中医治疗
在临床上经常遇到一些患者怀着十分紧张的心情，向医生诉说自己最近所得的一种病症：喉咙里感到有个东西堵着?这东西想吐也吐不出来，想咽也咽不下去。由于人们对食道癌的恐惧心理，不免耽心自己喉咙里是否长了瘤子?如果不是瘤子，为什么吐不出来，而又咽不下去呢?因此，就越发紧张起来了。
对于这些患者，医生要光作认真细致的检查，在必要时还可做X线钡剂造影，在排除癌肿和食道、咽喉其它病变后，医生才会告诉病人，您所患的病中医称“梅核气”。
梅核气，西医称为疙球，属于神经官能症的一种。这种病症只是患者的主观感觉，实际上并没有任何具体的病理改变。这种病的产生发展及痊愈和精神因素关系密切。中医认为，如果心情不舒畅，就会导致肝气郁结，气郁而生痰，痰气凝结而阻塞咽喉间就会引起这种病症。
中医以行气解邻化痰降逆的办法疗效较好。方用“半夏厚朴汤”加昧，即：法半夏12克、厚朴9克，获苔12克、苏叶9克、苏根9克、生姜12克、乌药6克、木香6克、积壳9克，水煎服。还可以用玫瑰花、厚朴花各12克开水沏代茶饮用。此外，多吃格子、青萝F对这种病也有疗效。但青萝卜要生吃，尤其将生青萝r捣汁冷饮疗效更好。如果喉咙堵得厉害，可用青皮、陈皮各12克、沉香6克，水煎去渣取汁，冲服木香(研末)6克;西药谷维素对本病有一定的疗效，——日服三次，每次服两片。针灸治疗：针刺天突穴，廉泉穴(都在咽喉部)，或经常用手按摩这两个穴位，对治疗本病有一定的效果。
总之，梅核气并非是什么可怕的疑难病，不必紧张，只要患者精神舒畅、积极治疗是可以治好的。当然，如果发现喉咙中有物的感觉和症状时，应积极请医生认真细致的检查，以免误诊，遗误病情。
本文来自:大众医药网
http://www.51qe.cn/jiuyi/2009/113515.html
对于这些患者，医生要光作认真细致的检查，在必要时还可做X线钡剂造影，在排除癌肿和食道、咽喉其它病变后，医生才会告诉病人，您所患的病中医称“梅核气”。
梅核气，西医称为疙球，属于神经官能症的一种。这种病症只是患者的主观感觉，实际上并没有任何具体的病理改变。这种病的产生发展及痊愈和精神因素关系密切。中医认为，如果心情不舒畅，就会导致肝气郁结，气郁而生痰，痰气凝结而阻塞咽喉间就会引起这种病症。
中医以行气解邻化痰降逆的办法疗效较好。方用“半夏厚朴汤”加昧，即：法半夏12克、厚朴9克，获苔12克、苏叶9克、苏根9克、生姜12克、乌药6克、木香6克、积壳9克，水煎服。还可以用玫瑰花、厚朴花各12克开水沏代茶饮用。此外，多吃格子、青萝F对这种病也有疗效。但青萝卜要生吃，尤其将生青萝r捣汁冷饮疗效更好。如果喉咙堵得厉害，可用青皮、陈皮各12克、沉香6克，水煎去渣取汁，冲服木香(研末)6克;西药谷维素对本病有一定的疗效，——日服三次，每次服两片。针灸治疗：针刺天突穴，廉泉穴(都在咽喉部)，或经常用手按摩这两个穴位，对治疗本病有一定的效果。
总之，梅核气并非是什么可怕的疑难病，不必紧张，只要患者精神舒畅、积极治疗是可以治好的。当然，如果发现喉咙中有物的感觉和症状时，应积极请医生认真细致的检查，以免误诊，遗误病情。
本文来自:大众医药网
http://www.51qe.cn/jiuyi/2009/113515.html
刘德华超经典语录
“当爱就爱/何必矜持/矜持只会掉了你和你爱的人一生快乐
我认为生命就是每一天一步一步向前，人总不可以停留在某地方不动吧?这样太浪费生命，也很闷吧?既然难得来世间一转，便应让自己快快乐乐、精精彩彩过日子。勤奋并不需要有推动力，只要你能欣赏人生，你能欣赏日出日落，你懂得珍惜，你自然会勤力，因为你不会也不希望错过生命送给你的每一个机会。
没有黑夜，大家不会感受白日的好，没有吃过苦不可能了解甜，没有流过泪，怎会明白笑的快乐?我从不追求完美，我只追求自然。凡事顺其自然，懂得欣赏，缺陷也是另一种美丽。
伤害你的人，如果你能够开心地活下去的话，已是对他们最大的惩罚.
我的人生辞典中，没有所谓后悔不后悔，也没有所谓错或对。每一件发生的事，每一个所遇的人，也不过是一个经历、一个体验。看你究竟能从体验当中领略多少？从经历当中学会多少？这就是人生。
有信心未必会赢，没信心一定会输！
成功不是必然的，但努力是必需的！
“所有人都是演自己，为什么只有我刘德华不可以”
“电影是苦的，但还是要尽力去做。”
“演艺圈里面谋生从来就不是别人让给你机会，每个人在台上都希望自己是最瞩目的一个，我没有理由要让。”
人是不应该畏缩、屈服、自卑的。
二、学问不只是来自书本，大半是来自社会，来自生活的实践。
三、女是可爱和温柔的，但如果我们不小心处理感情，胡乱去滥爱，则可导致自己不能理智，毁灭前途。
四、自强不息，自力更生，不要以为世界上会有奇迹出现，奇迹只有是自己努力创造出来的。
五、人要有冒险的精神，在险中求稳，不断要求进步。
六、对家庭、父母、兄弟、姐妹、不要计较她们曾给你什麽，对你好不好，而你的责任，就是需要对亲人做到最好，尽最大的努力去帮助他们。
七、决不畏惧打击，决不自我陶醉，决不固步自封，决不目空一切，决不做逃兵，决不优柔寡断。
八、用爱、用善心去看世界。世界充满仇恨、灾难、痛苦，作为一个真的强人，必须为消除仇恨、战争、灾难、痛苦而奋斗终生，用欢乐的歌声，去传播爱的种子。
明天幸福靠今天不断的修炼.
要我说出一件人生中最后悔，或者做错过的事？对不起，我可以告诉你，没有。因为我认为这个世界上，没有所谓的错与对。
没有一个人会希望自己做错事，事情发生了，是不同生命的不同体验，唯有亲身走过这段路程，才能领悟出什麼是错，什麼是对。可是人生就是不断的学习，怎麼能只用对与错这两个字来形容？
从前我未经学习，会有很多的执著，今天我感谢这些执著，因为执著令我遇上不少困难，撞到墙、撞到满身是血。
我感谢每一个我曾经遇上的人。有一些朋友，他们负责每天明的、暗的给我送飞箭、导弹、荆棘、石头，让我练得一身好武功。没有他们，我不会进步，也不会更体会人生。但是更有一些朋友，他们对我不离不弃，默默 支持，陪我一同上战场，陪我战斗，下了战场，为我包扎伤口，激励我再度奋发的斗志。没有他们我如何能笑对人生？
我认为生命就是每一天一步一步向前，人总不可以停留在某地方不动吧?这样太浪费生命，也很闷吧?既然难得来世间一转，便应让自己快快乐乐、精精彩彩过日子。勤奋并不需要有推动力，只要你能欣赏人生，你能欣赏日出日落，你懂得珍惜，你自然会勤力，因为你不会也不希望错过生命送给你的每一个机会。
没有黑夜，大家不会感受白日的好，没有吃过苦不可能了解甜，没有流过泪，怎会明白笑的快乐?我从不追求完美，我只追求自然。凡事顺其自然，懂得欣赏，缺陷也是另一种美丽。
伤害你的人，如果你能够开心地活下去的话，已是对他们最大的惩罚.
我的人生辞典中，没有所谓后悔不后悔，也没有所谓错或对。每一件发生的事，每一个所遇的人，也不过是一个经历、一个体验。看你究竟能从体验当中领略多少？从经历当中学会多少？这就是人生。
有信心未必会赢，没信心一定会输！
成功不是必然的，但努力是必需的！
“所有人都是演自己，为什么只有我刘德华不可以”
“电影是苦的，但还是要尽力去做。”
“演艺圈里面谋生从来就不是别人让给你机会，每个人在台上都希望自己是最瞩目的一个，我没有理由要让。”
人是不应该畏缩、屈服、自卑的。
二、学问不只是来自书本，大半是来自社会，来自生活的实践。
三、女是可爱和温柔的，但如果我们不小心处理感情，胡乱去滥爱，则可导致自己不能理智，毁灭前途。
四、自强不息，自力更生，不要以为世界上会有奇迹出现，奇迹只有是自己努力创造出来的。
五、人要有冒险的精神，在险中求稳，不断要求进步。
六、对家庭、父母、兄弟、姐妹、不要计较她们曾给你什麽，对你好不好，而你的责任，就是需要对亲人做到最好，尽最大的努力去帮助他们。
七、决不畏惧打击，决不自我陶醉，决不固步自封，决不目空一切，决不做逃兵，决不优柔寡断。
八、用爱、用善心去看世界。世界充满仇恨、灾难、痛苦，作为一个真的强人，必须为消除仇恨、战争、灾难、痛苦而奋斗终生，用欢乐的歌声，去传播爱的种子。
明天幸福靠今天不断的修炼.
要我说出一件人生中最后悔，或者做错过的事？对不起，我可以告诉你，没有。因为我认为这个世界上，没有所谓的错与对。
没有一个人会希望自己做错事，事情发生了，是不同生命的不同体验，唯有亲身走过这段路程，才能领悟出什麼是错，什麼是对。可是人生就是不断的学习，怎麼能只用对与错这两个字来形容？
从前我未经学习，会有很多的执著，今天我感谢这些执著，因为执著令我遇上不少困难，撞到墙、撞到满身是血。
我感谢每一个我曾经遇上的人。有一些朋友，他们负责每天明的、暗的给我送飞箭、导弹、荆棘、石头，让我练得一身好武功。没有他们，我不会进步，也不会更体会人生。但是更有一些朋友，他们对我不离不弃，默默 支持，陪我一同上战场，陪我战斗，下了战场，为我包扎伤口，激励我再度奋发的斗志。没有他们我如何能笑对人生？
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Why Most Shampoos are a Waste of Money
It’s the dirty little secret shampoo companies don’t want you to know—when you wash your hair with one of those nutrient-rich shampoos, most of the nutrients and active ingredients in the product don’t actually end up in your hair, they wind up down the drain… along with all the money you spent on the shampoo.
Why does this happen? Because the shampoo molecules they contain are too large to penetrate the cells of hair and more importantly the tiny hair follicles where our hair actually grows. They sit atop the follicle until we wash them away.
Why is that a problem? Think about it this way—if you wanted to fertilize a plant, where would you pour the fertilizer? On the leaves? Of course not! You’d pour the fertilizer on the root and the soil where it’s needed most. Our hair works basically the same way—if you want to treat your hair right, you need to treat the roots.
But if regular shampoo can’t penetrate the hair follicles where our roots grow, what are we supposed to do?
Fortunately, a California company called Kronos decided to tackle this problem. Their team of researchers designed a more-effective shampoo—one that contains tiny microscopic spheres so small that they penetrate hair follicles and deliver nutrients to where they’re needed most. They call it “T-Sfere Technology”.
Once they had solved the delivery method dilemma, they turned their attention to formulating ingredients that targetted the 5 most significant signs of damaged hair:
1.Thinning hair that lacks volume
2.Dry, frizzy, unmanageable hair
3.Limp lackluster hair
4.Damaged hair with split ends
5.Hair with poor color retention
Does it work? Check out the results from the product’s clinical testing. In a recent study, the Kronos system was shown boost hair volume and body by an unprecedented 96%; increase hair hydration by 91%; improve luster and shine by 96%; reduce split ends and breakage by 96%; and virtually eliminate color fading for up to four weeks. It’s rare that a shampoo can provide so many amazing benefits.
Already, Kronos has quickly become one of the most talked about hair care systems out there. It was recently featured on the Today show and was rated the #1 Overnight Hair Treatment product by The Good Housekeeping Institute.
Since Kronos is still relatively new, the company is offering a limited amount of free trials of its 4-piece introductory kit, just so new customers can see the results for themselves before deciding whether or not they want to pay for their products.
The special trial includes a full, 60-day supply of four products that each feature the line's key ingredient complexes and delivery technology: Kronos Shampoo, Kronos Conditioner, the Phyx Overnight Repair Masque that repairs damaged hair while you sleep, and the Liquid Theory Conditioning Detangler that protects hair from thermal damage due to heat styling.
If you want to try this new way to shampoo, visit the Kronos website to see if these special Internet free trials are still being offered.
Why does this happen? Because the shampoo molecules they contain are too large to penetrate the cells of hair and more importantly the tiny hair follicles where our hair actually grows. They sit atop the follicle until we wash them away.
Why is that a problem? Think about it this way—if you wanted to fertilize a plant, where would you pour the fertilizer? On the leaves? Of course not! You’d pour the fertilizer on the root and the soil where it’s needed most. Our hair works basically the same way—if you want to treat your hair right, you need to treat the roots.
But if regular shampoo can’t penetrate the hair follicles where our roots grow, what are we supposed to do?
Fortunately, a California company called Kronos decided to tackle this problem. Their team of researchers designed a more-effective shampoo—one that contains tiny microscopic spheres so small that they penetrate hair follicles and deliver nutrients to where they’re needed most. They call it “T-Sfere Technology”.
Once they had solved the delivery method dilemma, they turned their attention to formulating ingredients that targetted the 5 most significant signs of damaged hair:
1.Thinning hair that lacks volume
2.Dry, frizzy, unmanageable hair
3.Limp lackluster hair
4.Damaged hair with split ends
5.Hair with poor color retention
Does it work? Check out the results from the product’s clinical testing. In a recent study, the Kronos system was shown boost hair volume and body by an unprecedented 96%; increase hair hydration by 91%; improve luster and shine by 96%; reduce split ends and breakage by 96%; and virtually eliminate color fading for up to four weeks. It’s rare that a shampoo can provide so many amazing benefits.
Already, Kronos has quickly become one of the most talked about hair care systems out there. It was recently featured on the Today show and was rated the #1 Overnight Hair Treatment product by The Good Housekeeping Institute.
Since Kronos is still relatively new, the company is offering a limited amount of free trials of its 4-piece introductory kit, just so new customers can see the results for themselves before deciding whether or not they want to pay for their products.
The special trial includes a full, 60-day supply of four products that each feature the line's key ingredient complexes and delivery technology: Kronos Shampoo, Kronos Conditioner, the Phyx Overnight Repair Masque that repairs damaged hair while you sleep, and the Liquid Theory Conditioning Detangler that protects hair from thermal damage due to heat styling.
If you want to try this new way to shampoo, visit the Kronos website to see if these special Internet free trials are still being offered.
How Professional Women Succeed in Meeting Great Guys
We often hear complaints from professional single women that their online dating efforts have just not been successful. Let’s take a look at that …
Meeting great guys is a challenge for most single women, and when you’re putting in long hours to get ahead in your profession or run a business, the challenge grows even greater. So it’s little wonder that professional women like the concept of online dating -- they completely “get” time management, and because online dating provides a great way to separate the wheat from the chaff, it theoretically offers the best return on time invested.
But this is not the experience of many professional women. Why is that? Many experts believe the fault lies in both the professional woman’s approach to online dating and the dating sites she selects.
Do you know what you want? Some professional women are looking for a guy who’s also financially successful; they feel it’s too difficult to establish a great long-term relationship with someone who can’t afford to do the things they like or is uncomfortable moving in the same upscale circles. Other professional women are totally fine with a down-to-earth guy, and despite being used to fine dining and luxury vacations, they’re perfectly happy to kick back with pizza and a movie and feel they can handle any income disparity.
Either approach can work, just as long as you’re clear as to what you want and follow through accordingly. Things are bound to turn out badly if you enter into a relationship with someone not as driven and successful as you are if that’s really important to you.
Do you approach potential dates as though they were business contracts? Some women focused on a career approach dating as if it were a business problem. It’s not. Dating is about finding someone you can build an emotional relationship with, and ultimately it’s about love. You may be in the habit of calling the shots during the day, but when it comes to dating, give the guy a chance to court you, even romance you. Unplug. Being strong doesn’t mean you have to be in charge all the time.
Are you using the wrong dating service? Dozens of dating sites out there cater to different types of people with different goals. Many are overrun by young singles looking for casual relationships. People on these sites have a tendency to play games and misrepresent themselves.
If your goal is to meet someone you can form a long-term relationship with, then compatibility is key. Why waste time going through the motions with people who ultimately have different goals, psychological make-up, and likes and dislikes?
So you might as well cut to the chase and select an online dating service that’s efficient and effective in matching you with people you have the greatest chance of succeeding with.
And the proven leader in this approach? eHarmony, whose scientific Compatibility Matching System is calibrated to connect you with your most compatible partners. Researchers at eHarmony studied successful married couples and discovered the characteristics that led to the couples' overall happiness. Using this data, they created their relationship questionnaire, an in-depth survey that analyzes a person's most important characteristics based on 29 Dimensions of Compatibility, covering essentials like beliefs, values, temperament, curiosity, and intellect.
Once you’ve completed this survey, eHarmony's Compatibility Matching System then performs a comprehensive search and matches you with like-minded people who share your most important criteria and characteristics. It's far easier to relate to someone if you don't have to negotiate essential differences to begin with. And the system clearly works, because according to Harris Interactive Research, on average 236 eHarmony members marry every day!
Meeting great guys is a challenge for most single women, and when you’re putting in long hours to get ahead in your profession or run a business, the challenge grows even greater. So it’s little wonder that professional women like the concept of online dating -- they completely “get” time management, and because online dating provides a great way to separate the wheat from the chaff, it theoretically offers the best return on time invested.
But this is not the experience of many professional women. Why is that? Many experts believe the fault lies in both the professional woman’s approach to online dating and the dating sites she selects.
Do you know what you want? Some professional women are looking for a guy who’s also financially successful; they feel it’s too difficult to establish a great long-term relationship with someone who can’t afford to do the things they like or is uncomfortable moving in the same upscale circles. Other professional women are totally fine with a down-to-earth guy, and despite being used to fine dining and luxury vacations, they’re perfectly happy to kick back with pizza and a movie and feel they can handle any income disparity.
Either approach can work, just as long as you’re clear as to what you want and follow through accordingly. Things are bound to turn out badly if you enter into a relationship with someone not as driven and successful as you are if that’s really important to you.
Do you approach potential dates as though they were business contracts? Some women focused on a career approach dating as if it were a business problem. It’s not. Dating is about finding someone you can build an emotional relationship with, and ultimately it’s about love. You may be in the habit of calling the shots during the day, but when it comes to dating, give the guy a chance to court you, even romance you. Unplug. Being strong doesn’t mean you have to be in charge all the time.
Are you using the wrong dating service? Dozens of dating sites out there cater to different types of people with different goals. Many are overrun by young singles looking for casual relationships. People on these sites have a tendency to play games and misrepresent themselves.
If your goal is to meet someone you can form a long-term relationship with, then compatibility is key. Why waste time going through the motions with people who ultimately have different goals, psychological make-up, and likes and dislikes?
So you might as well cut to the chase and select an online dating service that’s efficient and effective in matching you with people you have the greatest chance of succeeding with.
And the proven leader in this approach? eHarmony, whose scientific Compatibility Matching System is calibrated to connect you with your most compatible partners. Researchers at eHarmony studied successful married couples and discovered the characteristics that led to the couples' overall happiness. Using this data, they created their relationship questionnaire, an in-depth survey that analyzes a person's most important characteristics based on 29 Dimensions of Compatibility, covering essentials like beliefs, values, temperament, curiosity, and intellect.
Once you’ve completed this survey, eHarmony's Compatibility Matching System then performs a comprehensive search and matches you with like-minded people who share your most important criteria and characteristics. It's far easier to relate to someone if you don't have to negotiate essential differences to begin with. And the system clearly works, because according to Harris Interactive Research, on average 236 eHarmony members marry every day!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
9 ways to compliment your date
Wow. You’re face to face with a woman who has you dazzled... and tongue-tied. Learn the right way to flatter her from our pair of etiquette experts.
The statement, “Gee, Suzie, you look nice today,” used to arouse giggly tingles on the playground, but as a post-pubescent suitor, your compliments better be more focused. Warm praise can defrost those first icy moments of early dating, as well as subtly advertise your attraction. Later, compliments are standard daily fare for keeping a relationship fresh. How do you spice it up? Allow us to share nine secrets:
1. Offer praise that’s original, not stale.
A dating-scene veteran with luxuriant locks has heard dozens of times how lovely her hair is. Either craft a new quip (“Your red and gold highlights make me long for autumn”) or else bypass obvious compliments in favor of lesser-named qualities (“Your posture is flawless... do you take ballet?”). Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!
I am a: Man Woman Seeking a: Man Woman Near: 2. Look for cues.
Where has your date invested her energies in preparing for your time together? A freshly-painted French manicure begs for recognition. Also, when someone has clearly invested their time or money in an area of interest, you’ve got a ready-made subject to compliment. “Wow... that’s quite a collection of snow globes.” This particular phrasing has the secondary advantage of making an observation without actually saying whether you like it or not.
3. Make it specific.
Vague, wide-beam flattery lacks the focused impact of a well-honed, explicit comment. “You’ve got a cool apartment,” is fine, but it doesn’t evoke pride as well as “Your jazz/art/fiction collection is amazing.” Instead of acknowledging her “pretty face,” pick one winning feature, like lips: “Your lips remind me of those coy silent-film stars.”
On to more compliments, with this note: Cheap flattery will get you nowhere. Keen compliments are never you-have-nice-eyes commonplace. Instead, it’s those rare remarks spotlighting subtler traits (e.g., sultry phone voice, bistro-picking savvy, and paparazzi-worthy glamour) that resonate longest. Next time you’ve got the chance to brighten a date’s day, issue one of these sincere forms of praise... you’ll know you’ve struck a chord when her cheeks blush. Here, the specifics:
4. “That color looks great on you.”
This phrase works on a number of levels. Your compliment suggests an appreciation of style and signifies attraction while demonstrating your own sharp eye.
5. “Your space is so inviting/hip/splendidly decorated” or “You have great taste in ______.”
Anyone who has taken time to enliven their home with objects d’art or contrasting pillow fabrics relishes this kind of accolade.
6. “I love your friends.”
If you are fortunate enough to be meeting her network of pals, put some praise out there. Acknowledging her friends will settle half of your date’s “Will they all get along?” doubts, while also casting a vote clearly in favor of those who might be bridesmaids or groomsmen one day in the rosy future.
7. “You must spend hours at the gym/yoga studio.”
Your date’s toned arms and trim gams are likelier the result of a gym membership than just splendid genes. When you notice the firm effects of someone’s workout regimen, say so. One simple compliment affirms months of labor sweatin’ to the oldies.
8. “You have the most alluring ______.”
If you’ve been dating for a bit of time, go ahead and mention eyes, toes, shoulders, back, hands and legs for this fill-in-the-blank. But beware of suggestive compliments that are more lewd than flattering.
9. “Being with you is really ______.”
This kind of statement cleverly compliments someone by signaling your own feelings. For those too shy to directly gush, “I really like you,” the above turn of phrase lets you reveal a little without coming on too strong.
Incidentally: Remarking upon a ring or earring offers the added bonus of an excuse to lift your date’s hand or brush soft curls from a delicate ear. As for necklaces, mind your manners... no pawing at pendants plunging down the bust line.
Bonus tip: End the date on a good note
After some tasty lip lock, offer immediate praise: “Now, that was a stupendous kiss.” And at the end of the date, close with a broad-stroked, three-word compliment: “You are fantastic.” This may not be terribly specific, but it ends the date on a high and succinctly announces your desire for more.
The statement, “Gee, Suzie, you look nice today,” used to arouse giggly tingles on the playground, but as a post-pubescent suitor, your compliments better be more focused. Warm praise can defrost those first icy moments of early dating, as well as subtly advertise your attraction. Later, compliments are standard daily fare for keeping a relationship fresh. How do you spice it up? Allow us to share nine secrets:
1. Offer praise that’s original, not stale.
A dating-scene veteran with luxuriant locks has heard dozens of times how lovely her hair is. Either craft a new quip (“Your red and gold highlights make me long for autumn”) or else bypass obvious compliments in favor of lesser-named qualities (“Your posture is flawless... do you take ballet?”). Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!
I am a: Man Woman Seeking a: Man Woman Near: 2. Look for cues.
Where has your date invested her energies in preparing for your time together? A freshly-painted French manicure begs for recognition. Also, when someone has clearly invested their time or money in an area of interest, you’ve got a ready-made subject to compliment. “Wow... that’s quite a collection of snow globes.” This particular phrasing has the secondary advantage of making an observation without actually saying whether you like it or not.
3. Make it specific.
Vague, wide-beam flattery lacks the focused impact of a well-honed, explicit comment. “You’ve got a cool apartment,” is fine, but it doesn’t evoke pride as well as “Your jazz/art/fiction collection is amazing.” Instead of acknowledging her “pretty face,” pick one winning feature, like lips: “Your lips remind me of those coy silent-film stars.”
On to more compliments, with this note: Cheap flattery will get you nowhere. Keen compliments are never you-have-nice-eyes commonplace. Instead, it’s those rare remarks spotlighting subtler traits (e.g., sultry phone voice, bistro-picking savvy, and paparazzi-worthy glamour) that resonate longest. Next time you’ve got the chance to brighten a date’s day, issue one of these sincere forms of praise... you’ll know you’ve struck a chord when her cheeks blush. Here, the specifics:
4. “That color looks great on you.”
This phrase works on a number of levels. Your compliment suggests an appreciation of style and signifies attraction while demonstrating your own sharp eye.
5. “Your space is so inviting/hip/splendidly decorated” or “You have great taste in ______.”
Anyone who has taken time to enliven their home with objects d’art or contrasting pillow fabrics relishes this kind of accolade.
6. “I love your friends.”
If you are fortunate enough to be meeting her network of pals, put some praise out there. Acknowledging her friends will settle half of your date’s “Will they all get along?” doubts, while also casting a vote clearly in favor of those who might be bridesmaids or groomsmen one day in the rosy future.
7. “You must spend hours at the gym/yoga studio.”
Your date’s toned arms and trim gams are likelier the result of a gym membership than just splendid genes. When you notice the firm effects of someone’s workout regimen, say so. One simple compliment affirms months of labor sweatin’ to the oldies.
8. “You have the most alluring ______.”
If you’ve been dating for a bit of time, go ahead and mention eyes, toes, shoulders, back, hands and legs for this fill-in-the-blank. But beware of suggestive compliments that are more lewd than flattering.
9. “Being with you is really ______.”
This kind of statement cleverly compliments someone by signaling your own feelings. For those too shy to directly gush, “I really like you,” the above turn of phrase lets you reveal a little without coming on too strong.
Incidentally: Remarking upon a ring or earring offers the added bonus of an excuse to lift your date’s hand or brush soft curls from a delicate ear. As for necklaces, mind your manners... no pawing at pendants plunging down the bust line.
Bonus tip: End the date on a good note
After some tasty lip lock, offer immediate praise: “Now, that was a stupendous kiss.” And at the end of the date, close with a broad-stroked, three-word compliment: “You are fantastic.” This may not be terribly specific, but it ends the date on a high and succinctly announces your desire for more.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Short-Term Bottom In, But Rally Won't Be "Satisfying or Long-lasting," Roque Says
The market see-saw tilted back toward the upside Thursday. After taking a fall below 10,000 on Wednesday, the DOW was up more than 200 points in afternoon trading.
In the near term, this bounce could have legs, says John Roque, managing director and market technician with WJB Capital Group. "But we think the corrective phase is incomplete."
Roque believes the rally could take the S&P 500 as high as 1120 or 1130 in the near-term. However, "the rally's not going to be particularly satisfying, long-lasting (or) encouraging," he predicts.
For clues on the broader market's path, Roque closely follows Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, Monsanto, Mosaic, Freeport-McMoran and copper prices; this group has tended to lead in and out of rallies over the last couple years. The signs coming from these so-called bellwethers, "suggests to us the S&P doesn't hold this 1050 level on this next retest," he says, predicting the S&P will fall until it finds support around 990.
One technical reason Roque is so down on any rally effort is the percent of NYSE stocks trading above their 200-day moving average. Through Wednesday 45% of Big Board stocks traded above their 200-day MA. "That number needs to decline below the 35% threshold," a level that has been a strong indicator of oversold conditions for the last 30 years. "It can get much lower, but at least at 35%, you'd say to yourself most of the damage has been done."
The good news for savers and those living on a fixed-income is the dollar does continue to look good against other currencies, according to Roque. "The dollar is benefiting from being the tallest midget," he jokes, predicting the euro will eventually fall to parity with the greenback.
In the near term, this bounce could have legs, says John Roque, managing director and market technician with WJB Capital Group. "But we think the corrective phase is incomplete."
Roque believes the rally could take the S&P 500 as high as 1120 or 1130 in the near-term. However, "the rally's not going to be particularly satisfying, long-lasting (or) encouraging," he predicts.
For clues on the broader market's path, Roque closely follows Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, Monsanto, Mosaic, Freeport-McMoran and copper prices; this group has tended to lead in and out of rallies over the last couple years. The signs coming from these so-called bellwethers, "suggests to us the S&P doesn't hold this 1050 level on this next retest," he says, predicting the S&P will fall until it finds support around 990.
One technical reason Roque is so down on any rally effort is the percent of NYSE stocks trading above their 200-day moving average. Through Wednesday 45% of Big Board stocks traded above their 200-day MA. "That number needs to decline below the 35% threshold," a level that has been a strong indicator of oversold conditions for the last 30 years. "It can get much lower, but at least at 35%, you'd say to yourself most of the damage has been done."
The good news for savers and those living on a fixed-income is the dollar does continue to look good against other currencies, according to Roque. "The dollar is benefiting from being the tallest midget," he jokes, predicting the euro will eventually fall to parity with the greenback.
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